Platonic.

19

The dreaded chime of her morning alarm buzzed beneath her satin pillow and a burdened sigh spaces her pouted lips. She reaches beneath her head to quickly extinguish the sound before it wakes up her son. For a moment, Jordan doesn't move. Her eyes roll slightly as she sighed, the day ahead already wearing heavily on her mind. And her body.

"Ugh....my back.." she mouthed as she pushed herself up from the mattress.

A damn shame. Halfway through her 20s and she was having back pains like she was in her 60s. Perhaps that is what carrying the weight of the world on the shoulders does to a person.  

It was still dark outside and the birds were barely beginning to chirp when Jordan preferred to wake up. It was Saturday and a rare off day for her as of lately. Sunny skies were forecasted and she had a freshly deposited paycheck in her account, a tank full of gas, and her bills were paid. So she decided today would be a day for her and her little bean.

Jael snoozes blissfully in his toddler bed, his back facing the wall as Jordan tip-toe'd passed his open doorway on her way to the bathroom.

She flicks the light switch and stands before another inanimate enemy of hers.

The mirror.

There was a time when the thought of looking at herself made her stomach turn. Hating everything about herself, from her too-big forehead, too-wide nose, and less than perfect skin. She wished her features were softer and less dramatic like the women she often compared herself to. Her eyes fell to her relaxed breasts beneath her sports bra, reminiscing on a time when they sat higher and prettier on her chest before pregnancy and breastfeeding altered them forever.  Then she sighs at her waistline, the extra fluff around her tummy and faded stretch marks. The endless list of things she accepted since she didn't have the nerve or funds to fix.

She opens the medicine cabinet and glances over at the array of sticky notes placed on the back of the mirror, a tip she picked up from her aunt to get herself motivated.

You are enough.

You are worthy.

You are great.

Your flaws are beautiful.

Your son needs you.

The words always put a melancholic smile on her face before she reached for her toothbrush and face products. Her morning rituals commenced and the softly crooned sounds of reggae played on low from her favorite music app.

Before Jael woke up, Jordan usually took advantage of the silence to meditate, do a quick session of yoga on the living room floor or dedicate some extra time to her overall appearance.  Because once he opened his eyes, it was no longer about her and what she needed.

The line to enter the Aquarium moved moderately fast and Jordan was thankful considering the heat index. Jael bounced excitedly at her side, tugging at her hand and pointing at the colorful aquatic murals painted across the walls of the entrance.

"Look, Mommy!! A turtle!! Jellyfish!! Sea Horseys!"  he squeals, his twists bouncing as he moved. Jordan smiled down at him and nods in acknowledgment of his excitement as they moved forward.

"Whew....maybe we should have gone to a water park or something today Boogie..." she mutters, glancing around mindlessly at the lines of city natives all waiting to enter the attraction. As she people watched thoughtlessly, the stride and stature of a young man in the distance catches her eye. He walks purposefully, weaving through the lines of people.

Jordan squints curiously as her eyes followed him, and it only takes her a second to recognize him. Wearing a grey t-shirt with another cyan blue staff shirt slung over his shoulder, Namjoon strolls up past the lines with his AirPods in and his attention on his phone.