Back in the Saddle

It Turns Out They Weren't Gone

Karl's POV:

After telling Kris and Phil about my new job, I retire to me and George's bedroom, tired from the unintentionally long day. Seeing Nick had definitely been unexpected, but it wasn't a bad surprise, and getting a job certainly was a plus. I'm not gonna lie, I am very excited by the idea of seeing Nick and Alex every day.

As I push open the white door to the room, George looks up at me. It doesn't seem like he's moved an inch since I left him, which means that he probably hasn't. His schedule is so weird, changing drastically from week to week, and today is one of those random days that he doesn't have to. Tomorrow is, though, and it looks as though I'll be joining him.

While I was in college, I had to pay for pretty much nothing since I lived in the dorms and had full ride scholarships that covered literally everything. The only thing I had to pay for was food and anything I wanted for me personally, so I took a job at the college Starbucks. It was an easy way to make money and it also meant that I had a discount. That being said, I haven't had a steady, normal job in a while.

"Well? Did you find anything?" George asks.

"I did, actually. Guess who's now working at the ranch!"

"No way. You're kidding," George scoffs and I shake my head no. He rolls his eyes. "Literally all my friends work there. Does that mean that I'm next to be recruited into this horse girl cult?"

"Yes of course it does, Gogy. We have got to get you off this horrid work schedule so you can join the crew."

"We'll see about that one. Congratulations, anyway. Have you told mum and dad yet?"

"That's what I was just doing. I got home like forty-five minutes ago, just to give you an approximation of how many times they made me go over my story and explain exactly what happened. I'm grateful that they care, of course, but sometimes it can be so overwhelming. How do you deal with this all the time?"

"I've had to do it my whole life. You'll get used to it, I promise."

"Whatever you say," I mumble, flopping onto my bed and burying my head in my pillow.

I curl up in the soft throw blanket, refusing to mess up the comforter that I made earlier. Even though it's only like four o'clock by now, I decide to close my eyes and take a quick nap so I can be refreshed and hang out with George if he wants me to.

It doesn't take long until I drift off, enthralled by my soft blanket and the fluffy pillow beneath my head, as well as my heavy eyelids refusing to reopen. I typically never dream, but for whatever reason, tonight my head is full of senseless dreams that make no sense and are filled with people I know.

One of them has George and Toby and for some reason we're swimming in Niagara Falls? Then another is Schlatt and I at the party, but this time he doesn't leave me. Another is Wilbur and his girlfriend Sally, and I'm sitting in on a date with them. That one was awkward. The final one is perhaps the strangest of all, but it is also the most painful. It has Nick, Alex, and him. Him being Dallas, my ex fiance. My ex fiance who is dead.

We were all at a bar, getting very drunk. Then we were in the car, and I was driving, and then we were crashing. The whole thing was happening again, but this time I was responsible for two more people's deaths. It never would've happened if I had pushed them away like I should have in the first place. Why do I do this? I ruin lives, it's all I'm good for, and everyone knows it. I need to stop-

"Karl," George's voice breaks through the reality barrier, making me realize that none of it was real and I was just dreaming.

I sit up, looking around, trying to grasp that it wasn't real and nothing had actually happened. George is sitting on the bed in front of me, looking concerned and confused. He has a hand rested on my shoulder, his brown eyes staring into my soul as he lets me calm down. I raise a shaky hand to my eyes, wiping away the tears that are coating my cheeks.

"Are you okay?" George whispers. "You were talking a lot in your sleep, but it wasn't until I heard you start crying that I tried to wake you up. You kept saying Dallas and Nick, and you weren't responding to me. Did you have another nightmare about the crash?"

I nod and his face falls as he pulls me into a hug. I let a few more tears slip out onto his shoulder, feeling my body go limp against him. I haven't had a nightmare about the accident in a while and I forgot how brutal they could be. And adding in Alex and Nick was probably one of the worst things my mind could have done. George is the only person who I've ever told about the nightmares, but that doesn't make crying in front of him over them now any easier.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

"Not really," I manage to respond.

"Alright, that's okay. Do you want to go back to sleep?"

I shake my head no and he nods, continuing to hug me while I attempt to get myself together. I hate how frequently this happens, but I know I deserve it after what I did, which is why I sit here in silence, keeping my emotions bottled up inside. George doesn't deserve to be trauma dumped on.

Suddenly, the door swings open and George and I shoot up, looking to the door which reveals a startled Toby. He clearly had no idea what he was walking in on, but seeing me crying makes his face flood with worry. As his mouth falls open with shock, eyes still stuck on my face, I hurry to wipe away the remainder of the tears, looking at the floor out of embarrassment.

"Toby, get out!" George says, shooing his little brother away with his hand.

"Is Karl okay?" he asks nervously.

"He's alright," George sighs, glancing at me, but I continue to refuse to meet either of their gazes.

"I just came to say that Tommy is here for dinner," he mumbles.

Almost as if on cue, the blond pushes past his friend, bearing the same happy and hubristic smile he always does. He also did not realize what was going on inside, because his confident facade falters as he stares at me, uncertainly. I feel extremely self conscious and grab my pillow, using it to hide my face.

"Guys, go away," George says, annoyed.

"Karl, you alright?" Tommy asks, completely ignoring George. His voice is so gentle that it honestly doesn't seem like Tommy: it almost makes me laugh. Almost.

I look up, seeing Tommy hovering near the end of the bed and Toby awkwardly standing in the doorway. I take a deep breath, figuring it better to talk about it now so that it doesn't cause an uncomfortable circumstance in the future. I pat the bed, indicating for them to sit down. Tommy joins me and George instantly, while Toby takes the time to shut the door before slowly taking a seat.

"Tommy, I assume that Toby told you why I'm here?" I say. Upon Tommy's nod, I continue, "Well, there's a reason that my grades plummeted in the way they did."

Word Count- 1269

a/n- ngl, i almost for to update, but its 4/20! it is a very important holiday and therefore it deserves an update lmao.