Shades of Grey

Chapter 7

When Hermione apparated home, she immediately got to work, going through a mental checklist as she went.

Telly switched to Disney's Beauty and the Beast? Check.

Collect her softest throw blanket available? Check.

Tea and sleeve of biscuits at the ready? Check.

Crookshanks? Curled up on her lap over the throw blanket.

Hermione swallowed hard where she sat on the couch, the panic seeping through now that she finished her list. Her breathing was becoming erratic, there was a tightness in her chest, and her hands trembled while she pet Crookshanks.

Breathe, Hermione, breathe.

Illogical as it was, it was frustrating having these panic attacks as a Mind Healer. She knew the biopsychosocial model surrounding mental health, studied and put into practice interventions for a multitude of diagnoses and symptoms, and taught clients different strategies in working through them.

She knew the tactile softness of the blanket, the weight of Crookshanks, the sound from her film, taste and smell of tea and biscuits were incorporating her senses to ground herself to the here-and-now.

None of it seemed to matter as the anxiety and panic coursed through her body while her thoughts told horrid lies.

You're not enough.

You have no friends - they just tolerate you, Hermione. Even two Slytherins are better company than you.

Pathetic Mind Healer can't even handle her own mental health.

Stop, stop, stop - breathe in... hold it.. breathe out... breathe in... hold it... breathe out...

Your brain is lying to you... think of the evidence. You have friends and they love you, you're using healthy coping skills, and you're not pathetic unless playing chess.

Hermione's breathing eventually slowed with only the occasional hitch, her focus back on the film while petting Crooks.

This was a good (and inconvenient) reminder that she wasn't balancing all the aspects of her life appropriately. She loathed canceling and rescheduling clients, but she needed to take the day off.

Can't help others until you help yourself.

Feeling more in control and having finished her film, she accio'ed her phone and called Harry. His calmer and appropriate voice levels preferred at the moment.

"Hermione?"

"Hi Harry," she said quietly, chewing her bottom lip. "I'm sorry."

"There's no reason to apologize," he said kindly. "Malfoy explained and we should've told you they'd be there -"

"And that we befriended the two snakes," came Ginny's voice, her voice surprisingly subdued.

"Why are you whispering?" said Harry, his voice sounding amused.

Hermione snorted.

The silence on their end indicated Harry was receiving an infamous glare.

"It was a bit shocking," she said lightly, reheating her tea and taking a drink.

"Merlin, I forgot Tori had mentioned you were her Mind Healer," came Ginny's voice suddenly.

Hermione made a face they obviously couldn't see. "I can't -"