Tangerine Dreams

Two

My usual walk to the park went by quickly. At least it was quick to me. I had gotten used to the same houses and even the same cracks in the pavement. I smiled at the thought of my mother taking her walk remembering the same things as before. It comforted me to think the way she did. When I reached my normal spot, I took a seat and opened to the first empty page I'd found.

December 13, 2020

It's been four years since I last saw you momma. It's my eighteenth birthday, and I'm sure you're wishing to watch me blow out my candles... To say I was at peace with it would be a huge lie. I miss you more than anything, and I wish for nothing more than to see you smile again. Last night's dream was a little strange. I was placed into a competition this time, but no one else was competing. I had one chance to choose the correct door, or I'd be sentenced to spend my days in an empty room with only a bed. My biggest fear was not being able to at least use the bathroom, so I took my time choosing. The first door scared me. It was old and the baby blue paint was peeling. I immediately kept it as my first option thinking they'd disguise the correct door to trick me. I honestly didn't know who they were though. The second door was painted in a very deep red, I assumed it to be a room filled with danger. Red always symbolized danger for you, but then I saw a new symbol out of it; love. Now I wasn't sure if it was because I thought of how much I wished I could say I love you momma again, or if it was because it symbolized that I needed more love in my life. The third door wasn't an option for me. It was a black door, but when I glanced at it I felt that it would lead to an untimely death. This led me back to doors one and two. It felt like I stood there for days, before making my way to door number two. I remember turning the knob and giving the red door a push. It opened up to a field where you sat upon a rock holding out a ripe tangerine.

I walked over to you, and you placed it in my hands, gesturing for me to eat it. I peeled the fruit and took a bite. I thought this symbolized that I would attract new people, but that it would be a while before I opened up to the idea. I'm not sure if that's true, but one can interpret their own dreams. Especially, when they have nothing to go on really. I truly think that you, mother, are sending me a guardian angel in the form of a human.... well until tomorrow...

I closed my journal and took a deep breath. Writing about my dreams helped, but it wasn't like I knew everything it was trying to tell me. I had to interpret it on my own. I used to think Google would be my best friend, but every website had different meanings, so now I assume it's up to me to decide how I feel about it. The worst part was, if I was wrong, then bad things could happen, and my mother really wasn't sending me an angel...

-

The walk back was almost dreadful. Every year since losing my mom, my dad tried to make my birthday fun. I appreciated the thought he put into it, but it wasn't worth it. I always ended up crying in my room over my grievances. He deserved credit though. My dad still tried his best to make things comfortable for me. I think it was hard getting used to his new wife, Meagan at first, but she grew on me. I opened the front door and slipped my shoes off. They had gotten a bit dirty from my walk, and I liked to avoid cleaning up muddy floors. I placed them on the shoe rack by the door, deciding I'd claim them later when I left for school. Meagan was cooking away while humming to the morning radio.

"Good morning Freya! Happy birthday!" She smiled when she noticed my presence.

"Hi Meagan. Uh thank you." I sighed. She knew my birthday was hard, so she never tried to make it a big deal when it came around, which I was thankful for.

"Your father left to pick up some things for dinner, but before you head off to school, we have new neighbors. I would like you to meet them later tonight with me if that's okay."