The Life of a YouTuber

Anxiety

Matt Sturniolo POV

I awoke to the sound of my phone's alarm that I set for the morning. Currently, I'm in LA with my triplet brothers, Nick and Chris. I'm supposed to drive them to some convention we've all been looking forward to going. Despite the fact that the three of us are eighteen, Nick and Chris still don't have their licenses. I'm the only one that bothered to get it. I normally don't mind driving them around, it just gets pretty crazy around here. And it's hard for me to calm my nerves sometimes. Slowly, I quietly began to get dressed since Chris is still asleep. Nick's bed is empty, because he's always the one to get up the earliest. After I changed, I went down the stairs to find Nick making breakfast. He's the oldest of us, so he sometimes feels like he's responsible for Chris and I. Nick looked up when I sat down at the bar and laid my head in my arms tiredly.

"You okay?" he questioned as he continued to work around the kitchen.

"I'm tired," I said, my voice muffled.

"How long did you sleep last night?"

"Probably about three and a half hours."

"Dude, were you on your phone all night?"

"No, I couldn't sleep."

"You think you'll be able to take us to the convention? We can get someone else to take us."

"No, it's fine. I can just take a nap after."

We left the conversation at that as Nick finished breakfast. I wasn't lying about how I couldn't sleep. I kept waking up every five minutes, because this overwhelming feeling constantly washed over me. It was the clear feeling of panic. Something in my mind kept telling to get the others up, but there are times when I'm too stubborn to want their help. Anyway, Chris came up not long after, and we ate our breakfast silently. Next thing I know, we're in the car on our way to the convention. Chris and Nick are both talking animatedly about how cool this is going to be. I mainly just listened while I kept my eyes on the road. That's usually how it is with us. If your voice isn't loud enough to speak over the others, than you just don't get to talk at all. I'm mainly the one that keeps getting interrupted, but I don't really mind, although there're times when I can get pretty loud. A lot of our YouTube videos consist of us just telling over each other or arguing if we're not having a deep conversation. I looked in the rear view mirror for a clear path to the left on the highway. Several cars are packed in on the right, and more than enough cars speed past on my other side. Then, everything slowed down in my lane. My fingers tapped on the wheel rapidly as my eyes swept over each and every car that passed. My nerves are slowly growing. I inhaled sharply and eased my foot on the gas pedal, causing the car to go forwards at a steady pace. I felt a hand rub my shoulder softly.

"You okay, man?" Chris asked from beside me.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I returned unconvincingly.

"You sure?" Nick questioned. "If you need to, you can just pull over for a quick sec."

"No, I'm fine," I stated with a small shake of my head.

I don't need to look at them to know that they just exchanged a look. I just rolled my eyes. I really am fine. It's just hard to deal with all this traffic all at once. I can not wait for my brothers to finally get their licenses. They'd probably be better off in this situation than me. I just need to calm down. It's not that big a deal. It's just driving... in the middle of the highway where cars are surrounding me, and there's no way out. I frowned, blinking, as my vision kept going blurry and returning back to normal. I can barely hear Nick and Chris's voices over the sounds of my uneven breathing and quick heartbeat. Chris's hand gripped my shoulder and shook me a little as I assumed he asked me if I'm okay again. Either way, I didn't answer. There's only one voice in my head that's telling me to pull over. And for once, I listened. Ever so carefully, I pulled the car over to the side of the road. Some cars honked at me as they passed while I'm just trying to still my shaking hands. I feel like I'm not getting enough oxygen. Have I really forgotten how to breathe? I unbuckled my seatbelt, still unable to hear Chris and Nick trying to calm me down. I placed my head in my hands to stop the panicked feeling that's creeping throughout my body. But nothing is working. All I know, is that I need air. I worked my trembling fingers around the door handle and pushed myself out. I practically fell out of the car, but my feet landed first. My legs are suddenly too weak to carry me, and I stumbled forwards. A hand clasped around the neck of my shirt and pulled me backwards, saving me from getting hit by an oncoming truck. That was a narrow save. I came face to face with an almost terrified looking Nick. Chris came around to our side of the car and tried to get me to stop shaking, but it's not working. Nick pulled me close to him as I almost accidentally fell back into the traffic behind us. At this point, I'm basically gasping for breath as I slowly came to my knees along with Nick. Chris knelt down in front of me, his voice sounding much more clear than it had before.

"Come on, Matt," he urged. "Breathe with me, okay?"

I nodded, squeezing my eyes shut for a quick minute.

"Okay, in one... out two..." Chris took a deep breath in, held it for a second, and let it out. "In one... our two... Got it? In... out... in... out..."

I tried my best to match his slow and steady breathing, and I'm starting to feel my heartbeat slow down, too.

"In... out... in... out..." Chris breathed.

Nick kept his hold on me, until my breathing slowed completely and my vision returned to normal. We stayed in that position as I breathed heavily. I feel like I just ran a marathon.

"Are okay, Matt?" Nick asked timidly.

"Yeah," I said with a shake of my head, out of breath. "I'm good."

Chris stood up and helped me up after with Nick already on his feet behind me.

"I don't know what happened," I stated with a small frown.

"I think you just had a panic attack," Nick told me.

"I guess all the traffic was getting to you," Chris shrugged.

"It's not just that," I shook my head again. "I felt that-that feeling last night, too. That's why I couldn't sleep."

"Wait, so you were having a panic attack last night?" Chris asked, frowning.

"I guess," I sighed.

"Why didn't you get us?" Nick looked at me.

"I don't know. I thought I could handle it," I admitted.

"Here, let's get back in the car," Chris suggested to which we all agreed.

Once we got in the car, I took a small moment to take a breath before placing my hand on the wheel and switching gears.

"You sure you wanna keep driving?" Nick questioned.

"Yeah," I nodded as I returned the car to the highway.

This time, Nick and Chris kept me involved in their conversation to distract me from what I'm doing. I really couldn't ask for better brothers.