The Bone Crush (mxm)

Episode 5 - Unimportant

It's been a month since my conversation with Dillon in the woods, and I still can't shake most details of it out of my head. However, I'm acting indifferent, because that's how I should be. Unaffected and independent from his impact.

I did tell Lu enough of what she needed to know about Dillon to get off my back, and she never mentioned it again. I'm guessing it was visible on my face how uncomfortable talking about him made me feel.

But being his neighbor was a much more uncomfortable thing to do. I'd accidentally run into him every other day. He'd wave at me and I'd wave back, slightly smiling but never having a real conversation, or any conversation for that matter. I'm fine with it, I guess.

I quickly realize that Dillon can be unimportant if I don't give him the power to be detrimental enough to me.

So I spend my summer days being my normal self and living a normal life, with only the ends of my days dedicated to Dillon, whose bedroom I can see from my window. Occasionally, his bedroom is empty, which means he's having a night out. When I do find him in his bedroom at night, he'd be browsing his PC or reading a book. Other times, he would be working out, and I'd start contemplating his shirtless self and good his body looks.

He still has the same smile, the same silky hair and that same friendly look on him, but it got all moved into a newer body, the body of a guy who got older and stronger.

I feel like a creep eyeing him like that, but Dillon is an irresistible human being, and he will never be a stranger for me. Watching him like this is fine by me.

On a random night, I'm by my window, admiring his abs and his posture and his perfect silhouette. This time is however different. His eye catches mine. He catches me and I want to curse myself for being so obvious. I notice I can't do anything to hide what I've been doing, so I keep staring. He smiles and I smile back, and all suddenly, his promise of staying away sounds really unappealing to me, because I need him to be closer.

He makes a hand gesture that I can't understand, so he grabs his his phone, both of us still standing at our windows.

My phone rings, and I open it to see he texted me.

Dillon: what are you up to, Shane?

Shane: Not much, what about you?

Dillon: Same, I just finished my workout. wanna come over later?

My stomach twists and itches from his suggestion, plain and simple. I want to say yes more than anything, but I know that house of his carries some of my most awkward memories, so that would be inconvenient.

Shane: how about we go out instead?

He replies with a thumbs up emoji, followed by a "see you soon then".

He disappears from his window, and so do I.

I rush back inside and find myself looking in the mirror. I give my already brushed hair a quick fix and I struggle to pick out an outfit.

I ultimately decide to be casual, and I put on a Stranger Things shirt and a pair of Jeans. 

It's 9 PM, and I'm in my bedroom wondering what my next step should be when my thoughts are interrupted by the doorbell. It must be him.

I go downstairs and I find Dillon standing in my doorway, my mom welcoming him and asking him all sorts of questions about where he's been and his life and whatever it is moms do. She doesn't know it, but she's probably making things more awkward when it comes to the weird place Dillon and I are already in. I interrupt them, trying to save us from this situation and move on to the next thing.

"Enjoy your time, guys!" she says finally, before closing the door behind us.

Dillon and I are still standing in the doorway. We're about to hang out together, for real this time, and I'm not sure how to do that anymore. It's making me anxious and nervous, and I want this to happen but I'm also tense at the possibility of things not going well tonight.

"Shall we get going?" he asks me, breaking the ice.

"Sure, what did you have in mind?"

"I was thinking we could go to Alfred's and grab a bite first, and then we'll figure something out." 

20 minutes later, we're there. Sitting in the same corner we used to sit in years ago. Him on the chair facing the staff room, me on the chair facing the entrance to the place, just like the old days.

We're both focusing on our menus, not speaking to one another. Sharon, the waitress who used to always assist us, has been replaced by someone named Alice now, but this is not the only detail that is different. The silence between us is heavy and weird and unlike our hours and hours of talking.

We order the same burgers and milkshakes we used to have.

I watch him eat his food with the appetite of teenage Dillon, and I'm taken back to our old memories, again.

Walking down this lane would do me no good, especially with him being right here in front of me, so I decide to initiate a conversation.

"So, how was your stay at college?"

He starts talking and doesn't shut up, just like the Dillon I knew. He tells me about his life with his roommate, how he had to learn new recipes for the first time, how he almost failed a course during his freshman year but ended up on the Dean's list when he graduated. I smile at him because I'm proud of him. I always knew he had potential.

He tells me about how his romantic life was nothing like he expected it to be, and that contrary to popular belief, he didn't meet the love of his life in college. He tells me he also struggled to make new friends because everyone was always so competitive and selfish and hypocritical.

I fight the little voice in my head that wants to tell him you could've had a friend right here, and I feel sorry for him instead. I'm guessing it must have been hard for him to go through life in a brand new town full of strangers and newness alone.

He asks me about my version of the past 3 years, and I tell him everything too. I tell him about Lu and the squad. I tell him about the time I almost got in my first fist fight ever. I tell him about how I ran an anonymous podcast with a bunch of college classmates for a while, and how successful it was.

He's smiling, and his smile warms my heart.

We're out of Alfred's, and we're walking aimlessly, still talking.

We're in front of a bar we've never been to before.

He asks me if I'd like to go inside, and I say yes.