Is She Lost? (Camren)

Hurt

I wanted to believe that the things going through my head weren't true she was not cheating on me she did not lie to me she is just hanging out with her friend. But then again how can I not think of those things when that said friend is the one who has her so blinded that she doesn't see the severity of the situation. Yes management is happy with all this new attention I mean why not milk the Taylor Swift Friendship for as long as we could but Management doesn't see what me and the other girls are seeing. They aren't seeing how the girl who once stumbled on her words introducing Demi is now a girl that is getting lost in all of the flashing lights. Some fans may not notice it but they aren't with this girl every day at almost every hour. They don't know her like the girls and I do. They don't see that she has gotten more lost in her phone then trying to spend time with us. When we aren't working it's like she disappears. Yes we are a band and yes we do get tired of each other every once in a while but when it comes to one of us actually being distant and only making it seem like we are so close for cameras there is a problem.

The worst of it all is that this all started after that stupid party that we were never invited to. When we first found out about it we were all like "okay it was a surprise it was last minute she had no clue about it so that's why we never found out about it". Plus Dinah was with her family and from what we all knew the reason we didn't spend Camila's birthday with her that night was because she told us she wanted to spend it with her parents and her sister. So being the friends we are we understood completely I mean they did the same for me when I turned 18 and we were on the road. But when we all found out the truth about what really went down we all had to put our best acting skills to the test. I mean Dinah should have won an award for being the only one to speak up about it but in reality we were all hurt and felt a bit betrayed that Camila knew it was a birthday party for her and instead of her staying with her family that night she decided to go to that party with people she barely knew. Yes Alex De Leon was there and so was Hailee but that never changed the fact that she picked partying with completely strangers instead of agreeing to us throwing her an awesome party or even taking her out.  After that revelation we did confront her about it and we knew she was scared, Especially of how Dinah and I would react. To be honest neither Dinah nor I said a word the ones who spoke were Normani and Ally who surprised me the most by telling Camila that she expected better from her; given the fact that Camila had made us all feel guilty for not posting birthday messages until later that night.

It's been a full month since the birthday mishap and as a group we have all noticed that Camila has been distancing herself and lately every time we get a day off or get multiple days off she seems to find an excuse to not hang out with us, only to later be spotted with Taylor at a dinner or something which leads me to the entire cheating thing. You see Camz and I have been dating for a while now. No I'm not talking a few weeks I'm talking a good 4 months now. We Kind of got close again after she broke up with Austin and became even more after the entire Brad thing so yeah but now with this Taylor situation I am literally questioning if she would rather spend all her free time with Taylor then try and spend some actually couple time with me. The other girls know of our relationship and well they seem to agree with my discomfort with this Taylor thing. I understand that they are friends I mean when I have time alone I want to hang out with my friends too but there seems to be a slight difference see; when I hang out with friends I hang out with the ones that are in town the exact day that I am off. If the friends I want to hang out with aren't in town but will be later on in the week I literally make sure that the girls would be cool with me not hanging around if we end up have free time to ourselves. See I'm considerate when it comes to making time to be with my family, being with my friends, and also getting time to hang with the girls in a non-working environment. All of us do it actually well all except for Camila.

Lately for her it seems to be all about what Taylor is doing. It's either oh look Taylor is still in LA, sorry guys I'm not up for a movie tonight maybe next time. Not even 30 minutes later out comes the new pics of Camila hanging with Taylor and it's not just pap pics either no it's pics that Camila post herself on her instagram acting like nothing is wrong. What makes it even more hurtful though is how Taylor keeps pushing it even more to be rubbed in our face by posting new pics from the day a few days later making the media go even crazier.  We all understand that Taylor doesn't know me or the other girls much but the fact that she acts like we don't exist in Camila's life or that we aren't a big part of what get her to this point is the worst feeling possible.

This time though it hurts more.  We have just finished spending an entire week in NYC doing some promo and getting a couple days off here and there. I even went to visit a friend of mine in NYU and took a tour because hey it never hurts to look into further education. That night though wasn't the best. As I was getting a ride back to the hotel the girls and I were staying at, I decided to look through twitter and just look at my time line. That was a bad idea. Turns out fans were going ape shit over some Hollywood life article and me being the creeper that I am on twitter I went to check it out; Second bad idea of the night. I read the article about 10 times before my driver told me that we were back. I jumped out of the car and instead of going straight to our room I had gone to the front desk and asked the person there to print out the article for me. Lucky for me that he did and when I got into the elevator I hit our room floor and tried to keep calm. Unfortunately my calm state did not last long once I reached our floor and since I knew the girls were probably all in Ally's room I went there and walked in with the extra key I had.

Yes I flipped out that night. Yes I might have been over the top. But do I regret it? Not a chance in hell. I know I made Camila cry that night but to be completely honest what I had said to her was exactly what all the girls wanted to say to her. We were tired of this Taylor Swift bullshit and we were all tired of her acting like her new BFF wasn't putting us other girls in the back burner. It felt like the Austin shit show all over again but this a million times worse because Austin is a fucking nobody still while Taylor is a fucking world wide Super Star. We weren't jealous of the friendship they had of course not because lets face it each of us have our own little circle of celebrity friends. I mean Ally's got JLO, Normani and Dinah got Zendaya and some rappers, Me I've got a few DJ's and the same rappers and producers Dinah and Normani know but Camila has a whole new level of friends who by the looks of it all see her as a fucking solo artist. We could care less who she hangs with but what hurts us, as a group is that she doesn't notice that little problem.

Mani, Ally, Dinah and I all left NYC Friday morning because to be honest we had nothing else to stay in NYC for. We did all the things we needed. We did our promo met with the label and we did radio interviewsI offered to stay with her bit she flat our said no giving the excuse that I shouldn't miss out on going to Cochella. To be honest though I wouldn't have minded as long as I got to spend time with her. But again she got what she wanted. To top it all off she even convinced management to let her stay with out any security with her just herself in the big city. I should have known something was up when that happened but me stupidly thinking that maybe her mom is flying up to be with her I let it slide. Boy was I fucking wrong.

She fucking stayed in NYC for Taylor. Yeah the one and only Taylor fucking swift, the one who that exact Friday was still in LA filming her fucking music video. But for all we knew they planned that shit since like I said earlier Camila never seems to put down her fucking phone. I saw the pics of them leaving Taylor's NYC apartment and I even saw them matching. Hell I even saw Taylor's bull shit Tumblr post saying she never plans on matching with her friends when they go out. I saw it all. I even saw that bull shit tweet she sent Dinah right be fore she left to her first prom. She had the audacity to sarcastically tell Dinah to miss her when in reality Dinah was plain out pissed at the girl for not going with her to Vegas to experience a prom. Yeah thats right a few weeks ago Dinah had mentioned to Camz about the prom Nela was taking her too and that she should go too because it would be their last chance to experience the last teen thing in their lives. Camila had said yes back then but that Thursday night after we went out to eat dinner for Mama Drea's Birthday Camila dropped the bomb and told DJ that she changed her mind she didn't feel like going to a Prom. She never gave a reason as to way and I know that it hurt Dinah. But seeing these pics as to why Camila changed her mind last minute explains it all.

It's funny too how Camila tries to play innocent when she texted me earlier today saying how she's bored with out us there and that she'll just watch movies in the hotel room she's staying at. I never responded back but seeing these now just makes me sick to my stomach knowing that she can so easily lie to me.

To Camzi:

 

I guess you should have gone with DJ to Vegas but why would you do that when it's clear that you prefer being Taylor's new lap dog and shadow.