age 2, you were so small. you absolutely loved adventuring our backyard. as you seem to think its like the savannah. you were talking about how you wanted to be just like mum, a singer-songwriter, you didn't know what it was, so you would just call it "the mommy thing." you never told anyone but you secretly loved the smell of gasoline and coffee. you were so adorable, what happened?
age 5, you'd gotten bigger. you loved riding your bicycle, with your long brunette hair waving in the wind, never stopping unless you had to. your future job still didn't change, you still wanted to be just like mum, she had been really sick lately, but you swore she would get better. whenever you'd go to the park, there was always that little boy, staring at you, and you would just laugh and think nothing of it, he said his name was kalob, and you introduced yourself proudly. he was the first person you told about your secret love for the smell of gas and coffee. you were so happy, what happened?
age 8, you'd grown a lot. you were always lively and just so full of energy. you loved car rides with mum or dad. especially when they would turn on the radio, you would sing your little heart out. still keeping your dream of being like mum. but nows it's hidden almost, your personality isn't like it used to be, an you say it's because the people at your school are all doing it to you, saying what they do is cool. you found out kalob came to your school. he told the class about your no longer secret love for the smell of gas and coffee, everyone laughed. and said it was cool, and you smiled. you used to be so confident, what happened ?
age 12, you'd gotten a lot bigger. but you've also been acting different. your first day of middle school was today, and you looked extremely happy when you came back, so everyone stopped worrying about it. but what they didn't know is that you're already being bullied, by three popular girls, with everyone else joining in, everyone except kalob, who stuck by your side whilst them calling you a nerd, whore (only because you spent a little to much time with the boys.), slut, and so on and so forth. and the teased you for your love of the smell of gasoline and coffee, so you hid it, a long with your dream of being like mum. and then you went on home and forced a smile, locked your self in your room, and did what you had to do, you cut. it hurt at first, but then you got over it. everyone used to love you, what happened?
age 14, you've gotten skinnier, you're skipping meals. kalobs asked you out, but you just kiss him, scared you're going to hurt him if you say yes. this hurt him, but he didn't show it, because he doesn't want you to worry about it. you've started skipping class, and sometimes school. you used to be a perfect child, what happened ?
age 17, you started to go to the hospital, monthly. after 8 suicide attempts, you're just this close to just giving up, and trying your hardest this time. kalobs gone for the week, for a concert. your planning this, hard. right after they released you from the hospital, you rushed home, grabbed your dads gun, and ran upstairs. you grabbed your brothers video camera, pressed record, and started saying your sorries and your loves. then the last lines you said were ,"im sorry for anyone who cared, im going to paradise now. im so sorry kalob, but now you know why I couldn't say yes. this shouldn't hurt to you. . good bye ." you pulled the gun to your head, pressed stop on your camera, and pulled the trigger. you used to be happy, what happened.
age 18, you spent 17 years alive, over half when you used to be happy. then six years ago, nothing mattered anymore. your 18 forever longer. kalobs having a mental breakdown.you used to be here so you could help him with these, what happened?
