Oblivious ironicism

6

As the two boys were driving to school, Liam was the first to speak up.

"God, I can't believe I forgot to buy new makeup when people found out asbestos causes cancer. How could I be so stupid?!?" Liam huffed

"It's ok, Liam. You're using my jacket, remember?" Brian said, trying to comfort the boy.

"Yeah, I know. It's just... we might as well announce to the whole school that we're a thing now."

"I mean... I don't mind" Brian admitted

"I don't either, but think of all the shit Damien and Polly are gonna give us" Liam complained

"From the vibes I've been picking up from Oz and Vicky, I think we don't have anything to worry about."

"Huh?"

"Oh, don't tell me you don't see the way Vicky looks at Polly, or how Damien looks at Oz. If all else fails, that's our go-to."

"True."

"Looks like we're here. Here's my jacket. It's warm as fuck, though. I wear it 'cause it looks cool but it is for blizzards and shit"

"The long sleeves and hood mean less sunlight, so more powers."

"aight" Brian said, as Liam pulled the jacket over his head. "Oh. My. God." Brian exclaimed "You look fucking adorable. Look at me" Liam turned, revealing the beautiful purple that was his face. Brian promptly grabbed Liam's face, and kissed him. "I need to get another parka. That one belongs to you now."

"Briannnnn" Liam whined "stooooppppp." Brian kissed him once more.

"Okay. Now let's go and piss off some teachers!"

As the couple walked in, they were almost immediately met with a confused Damien.

"So you two ARE dating!?"

the two exchanged glances.

"Yeah" Brian responded

"My fucking god dude" Damien said, rolling his eyes as he walked away

After 5 minutes of cuddling on a bench, they saw Vicky sprinting toward them, Oz trailing behind.

"You guys are dating now!?!?!" Vicky practically yelled.

"Shut up!" Brian said, Hushing the over excited girl. As Oz reached the group, He raised an eyebrow.

" 'Not dating' huh?"

"We're dating now" Brian replied

"Well, when did this happen?"

"Like, last night-ish"

"( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)", said Oz

"What the fuck" Liam and Brian said in tandem

"What?" the boy replied

"How the fuck did you do that with your voice?!" Brain interjected

"Lovecraftian horror?" Oz suggested

"Ah." Brian replied "But wait, does literally everyone think we fucked?"

"I mean, didn't you?" inquired Vicky

"No!?!"

"Whaddaya mean 'no'?!"

"I mean 'no!' we just started to date! why the hell would we fuck instantly after beginning dating?"

"Speedrun" Damien suggested

"When the hell did you get here?!" Liam said, alarmed

"A while ago"

"Bro what" said Brian

"WHY THE HELL IS EVERYONE TALKING ABOUT US?!" Liam frustratingly exclaimed

"Cause people made bets" Damien said, like it was extremely obvious.

"Yeah!" said a roof panel. It fell out of the ceiling, to reveal a very offended Leonard. Brian and Damien instinctively started to kick the shit out of him, until Liam shut him into a locker. Brian poured the bees he kept in his backpack into the locker, as Vicky shouted "SCRAM!" everyone, bar Brian, simultaneously realized they were within The Leonard Zone™️. Liam took Brain's hand as they fled the scene.

"Why are we running away from leonard? He got his shit kicked in and then I locked him in a locker filled with bees."

"Oh, you poor baby." Liam cooed "No one told you about The Leonard Zone™️?"

"I guess not. I thought Oz told me everything I need to know."

"Apparently not. There's a 0.7 nautical mile radius around Leonard that no one dares enter."

Brian inhaled as if to say something

"And if you point out the fact that the radius covers the whole school you'll get punched" Liam added

Brian closed his mouth, then shrugged. He wasn't really in the mood to get punched by Liam. Was he? He decided not to think about it.

Now that they were officially a couple, they were a lot more lovey-dovey with one another. Constantly holding hands. Liam thought PDA's are a good ironic statement, but Brian knew that Liam just wanted to be there, meta or not.