Damnation Of Devotion ✔

10: Bleed Out The Guts Of Earth

{ KI }

"...You're not upset with me?"

After almost an hour without a word, he breaks the silence. Such a ridiculous question.

"If we switched places, would you?"

He shakes his head sullenly.

Taq and Fomu left after offering condolences to Aht about his predicament. He thanked them and wished them well in their travels. They gave strong support to us, urging us to stand side by side if other spirits find out. While we aren't as close as I hoped for, I'm glad they are my friends.

Aht and I didn't utter a word when I pulled out music and books and lit up the lantern. For the whole time, our hands link. He sits here beside me, watching me read. He had been trying to find words until now.

"I never thought you'd feel deep pain for me," he says with a soft tone.

This infuriating man... I rise, sit on his lap, and pepper his face with kisses. We're both crying again as his strong arms hold me.

"Why wouldn't I, Aht? I love you so fucking much, you know that?"

He kisses me on the lips... Full of tenderness. My fingers run through his hair. His shining eyes appeal to me. "And I love you too damn much. I was hoping you wouldn't feel the same curiosity as I did in the past, but there's no more denying that you do when you understand me well. It scares me."

I frown. "Why?"

"You'll risk yourself being banished, my love."

My body. "Aht..."

"This is why I was hesitant to spend time with you but damn it! You felt lonely like I did! You felt stuck like I did..." He blinks away the tears as his voice cracks. "I understand you so much that I couldn't stop giving you books and music. And here you are, a lovable knockout. I don't regret choosing you since we can get away with our love."

I sigh, and my hand drops from his nape to his chest. "Now you contemplate about mortality."

He lays us down on the grass, scrunched up and haunted. "I'm sorry. I didn't know I could fall for anyone."

"Don't be. If you didn't turn into a human, we would have never met. Even in official meetings. You know it's true." My knuckle brushes his cheek when he sighs and shuts his eyes. "I have something to tell you. A secret for a secret."

"Yes?" His brows furrow.

My body changes. Rather than asking Taq's help, coincidentally, my lover here might've been in the same situation. Tamp down this agitated heart of mine. I hope he won't panic. Hope he won't blame himself. "My body, Aht."

"Pardon?"

"I'm changing."

He frowns further—gets up, horrified. Pacing around, he curls himself up and breathes fast. I follow his pace to grab his shoulders.

"This is my fault. You'll be banished. I'm a damn fool!"

"I knew you would think that but you're not, Aht!"

"What other reason for your change? You don't go out, we haven't done penetrative sex, you didn't break the law directly. It's because we're in love. These things I gave you—"

"Aht—"

"You will lose this meadow. You're going to die like me, Ki," he yells shakily. 

"With you, Aht!" He keeps ranting and I hug him. "Baby, please. Calm down. I thought it was a myth at first."