The Line Between You And I

Max

Every morning in my household, always started the same. From the rooster's early morning wake-up call, to the sunlight pouring through our broken glass windows. It couldn't change anyway, could it? My mum and I never spent our money on "pointless" things such as the windows because, at the end of the day, we only wanted to be able to eat that night. We as a family didn't bring much money into the household because mum wasn't much of a bargainer. You see, every day we spend working on the farm twelve hours (6 till 6) to then gather the food we don't need and sell it in town. The closest town to our humble farmhouse was Manchester and it would take about an hour to get there on horse and cart even on a lucky day. A lot of the time, mum would go instead of me because I always worked the full twelve on the farm and she only ever worked drips and drabs at a time. I do worry all the time though, but she said I would be a fool to be able to sell anything with weak knees which the farm chores gave me. She would normally leave at six to begin her slow daily pilgrimage to the town and would make it back by nine. One hour to get there, one to open up shop, and one to finally come back.

Of course, we suffer more than "them". If you're wondering who "them/they" are, it's the shallow, deep-pocketed snobs we share England with. These "things" live on the other side of England, so they can have the nice beaches of Devon and Cornwall but can also have the trade and marketing from London, the capital city. Oh, how many nights I have wished of going to London, even as a little boy I dreamed of it. I could only ever imagine it in my head because of all of the times I'd hear stories of the "place where everything began". London is beautiful, full of life, there is no boring area of London. There's also Big Ben who makes an ever-lasting imprint upon new sight-seers. London Bridge is also a sight to see. The bridge falls and rises with every passing boat on its way into the horizon. To turn and be free. To turn and never look back to this judgemental society we call England. They say we are one of the most modern countries around. If this is my future, I will spend each insignificant moment wishing death would come close, take me by the hand, and greet me as a friend. A friend who doesn't judge but unites me with the one I hold so dear to my heart.

The only other thing I fear is losing the farm. Not only is it our source of income, but it's also home. It's the only thing we have left from dad's passing that they allowed us to keep. If my mum ever finds this journal she would kill me for using the term "dad" because he is no longer a part of this life, whether he wanted to or not. I loved Lewis, but the real reason why I don't think that my mum could really handle working on the farm is because of him. When Lewis passed away back five years ago, I overheard my mum talking to herself. She slowly slid down the frame around the farmhouse sobbing into her hands as she enclosed herself from the world. Every so often, she would pick her head up and let out a cry, the cry wasn't loud or ear deafening it was painful. This was the type of cry in which your heart couldn't take the ache anymore. The type where your chest closes in so tight it squishes the things that allow you to breathe. Soon she found herself drowning, gasping for air as death comes closer and closer to her reach in which she stops. She can't leave little me, can she? In doing that, she reaches to death and turns his offer away. Death parts in which he has such jealousy for this powerful woman. As he parts, he tells my mum one final thing, "You will always be a friend, Emilia." With that, he was gone.

My mum always described death, but never knew that I actually was there. I saw her break down. The thing that would most hurt her would be if I told her. If I told her what it was like that night. What it was like watching Lewis fight for his life, watching the scarlet red monster follow up from his throat and pour all over the very bed sheets she has to sleep in today. Lewis had lung cancer, mum would never admit it though. It's not like we could get treatment for it either, so all we had to do was sit there and watch. Cancer eroded away his lungs like a sea does to the cliff face. My father yet again greeted death but this time didn't have the energy to turn down his offer.

The things I'd do to see him again...