The Line Between You And I

Elizabeth

*Mentions Of Dissociative Identity Disorder Warning*

*Slight Bit Of Self Harm And Weapons Warning*

"Under love's heavy burden do I sink" - Shakespeare

Some people are meant to fall in love with each other, but not meant to be together. You will always fall in love, and it will always be like having your throat cut, that fast. That's how I felt. I felt like somebody had pulled my hair back and held the silverware blade up against my cold skin. Threatening every minute of every hour to let it glide. If the blood did ever spill it would feel reviving as my body had finally felt some kind of reaction. Though if the blood did spill, I would feel the after-effects of the piercing tool against my warm skin. The red liquid spilled out of my veins with each aching moment, the bow and arrow aligned with my heart getting ready to aim fire, and finally the gun against my head. They have got their finger on the trigger, but their trigger finger's mine. I'm not entirely in control though. He has the power to push me, he has the power to push me from the surface to fifty feet under in a matter of seconds. All it took was one wrong word, comment, movement, or action and I was gone. Never able to see the surface again. But that day could never be today, right?

After a few minutes, he plucks up the courage to break the awkward silence now placed between us like a metal ruler separating two souls.

"Hey, do you mind if I ask you a deep question?" He couldn't look me straight in the eye as he said that, so I knew that it had to be important.

"Sure, go for it. If it really is deep though, you may have to mind my answer as it may be slow." I said each word rolling off my tongue without another moment's thought.

"How long has your father been the way he is?" Again, he still couldn't look me in the eye.

"How long has my father been what?" I answered back this time, his eyes darted straight toward mine.

"How long has he been an abusive, drunken man?" With this final question, I was taken aback.

"My father is only like that because of his disorder." With my answer, he then also looked taken back now.

"Excuse me? What disorder does he have?" Confusion was written all over his face.

"My father has Dissociative Identity Disorder. He has two personalities basically. One is a loving father who respects his children and the other is someone who only cares about themselves and is only involved if it evolved them." We now looked at each other and I could truly read the look of solemn growing on his face.

"I'm really sorry that he has that and everything but doesn't he have something that he can use like a treatment or something? Using your kids as punching bags isn't the best idea." With that final comment, I felt a cheeky grin grow on my face as I playfully slapped him. We both got into a pillow fight until we heard the door hinges creak open...

Stood there with her jaw to the floor was none other than Victoria. She didn't say anything or move a muscle until a few minutes went by. The dulling silence was scary, Max and I didn't even try and move because we knew what the outcome would be. For a few minutes, the silence was much better than what came next. She began shouting at the top of her lungs,

"ELIZABETH! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING WITH A BOY IN YOUR ROOM?" Her voice was shrill yet calm enough to still be cold.

"Would you keep your goddamn mouth shut!" Max's sharp, quick voice from behind me darted past my ears. I slowly turned around to him and snapped.

"You have no, NO right speaking to my sister like that!" My voice was dark and bitter compared to their shouting match."

That was it. The knife had glided itself against my skin, the bow and arrow had taken their shot and the gun had been fired. I'd lost it all in one fit of rampage. Caused by that one action. I wasn't pissed off at the fact that I'd just cut myself or the fact that I'd just aimed fire at myself or even the fact that I'd just fucking shot myself. I was mad that he had the audacity to push me. He had the fucking audacity to let me drown a painful, paralyzing death. At the end of the day, it was paralyzing because I couldn't do shit. Well, that was a lie. I could do one thing.

"Get the fuck out now!" I didn't need to say anything further before he climbed out the window and down onto the grass below.

At that exact point in time, Victoria had left and now someone was knocking at my door. I open it to see my father with a sad look on his face and his arms open. And for once in a while, I ran straight into them and buried my head deep into his chest.

The things I'd do to be one step ahead of him as he is for me...