limits. | satosugu

2. human desires.

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𝖍𝖚𝖒𝖆𝖓 𝖉𝖊𝖘𝖎𝖗𝖊𝖘

✶

Suguru didn't sleep very much. Dreams were usually not a welcoming place, and only when he was extremely exhausted would his mind let his sleep be dreamless. Or at least so he wouldn't remember what he dreamt in the morning.

On this particular night, he's glad when he senses the familiar cursed energy at his door. He didn't have anything to do anyway, and the solace of sleep wasn't going to come for a while. His company always makes Suguru's thoughts ease so he is actually grateful for the chance to be in his company. When he's alone, the curses he's swallowed desperately eat at the edges of his mind, making what are their thoughts seem like his. Differentiating them is always easier with Satoru around. Being with him is the only time his mind is completely devoid of the intense underlying malice they bring.

Satoru coming to his apartment this late at night is unexpected though. He'll usually let him know when he was coming over at least, but he simply just showed up. Upon seeing him in the doorway, claiming he was just "in the neighborhood," Suguru knew something was wrong right away.

But of course, instead of getting right to the point, they decided to pretend as if nothing was wrong. As if him showing up this late was anything other than an indicator that something was on his mind. Pretending everything is alright when it wasn't was something Satoru does continually.

Suguru knew that asking outright would be counterproductive, he would just sink further back into his act, and they'd never get to the core of the problem. So, he found it better to oblige his wishes and ignores the problem as well. Just noticing was the first step considering the majority didn't even do that. No one ever noticed the intensity with which he contained his emotions.

Things have gotten a bit closer between them. Too close to be just platonic anymore. Suguru was sure he wasn't imagining it, but out of caution he still hadn't said a word. What if he was reading it wrong, and Gojo was just becoming closer because he hasn't actually formed a real friendship before?

Suguru wondered if he was allowing these feelings for Satoru to cloud his judgment. Wanting something more with him...was irresponsible wasn't it? How could he desire something like that when he was so broken himself, and knowing Satoru was hurt as well? If he actually understands him as well as he thinks he does, then pursuing something with him would only lead to heartbreak.

His best friend was a skilled liar, a trait having only been acquired due to years of practice. Was Suguru wrong to fall in love with a person who didn't even know himself? There was no point in asking, he couldn't help it if he tried. Satoru Gojo was annoying, beautiful, and a bit reckless and crazy but Suguru still managed to fall in love with him.

So here they were, in his apartment with all of this space between them, talking but saying none of the things they wanted to say.

"How long can you maintain your infinity?"

Suguru asks, having been curious about it before, Gojo maintains his infinity for an extended period of time at the very least. Since he knows that whenever he's around, it's up. Suguru's in his company more often than he's not these days, so any other answer than 'all the time' would be a little surprising to him.

"I don't know." He shrugs as if he hadn't thought about it. Which wasn't true. This answer does surprise Suguru but he knows there's something else there.

"You always have it on when I'm around." He points out, and Gojo shifts just slightly.

"I always have it when people are around." Gojo clarifies. Suguru doesn't push to get an answer as to why. He's curious all the same. Why does he feel the need to distance himself from not only curses but people as well? What is he afraid of? What would the strongest even be afraid of?