limits. | satosugu

4. cosmic irony.

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𝖈𝖔𝖘𝖒𝖎𝖈 𝖎𝖗𝖔𝖓𝖞

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They didn't talk about it. Not in the way they should have, and Suguru made the foolish decision to wait for Satoru to bring it up. He should have acted on the assumption that he never would because he knew that was what would happen. Satoru was going to just pretend like it didn't happen. Go back to their normal and not acknowledge the elephant in the room. Suguru had to take action himself if they were ever going to discuss anything, so he was forced to back Satoru into a corner.

"There are things we need to talk about. Especially about what happened a few days ago,"

Suguru says this knowing that Satoru didn't want to discuss it. But they needed to talk about it.
He feels he gave enough time for that day to settle in both of their minds. He was also done with agonizing over it himself. What he should have done, what he shouldn't. How he overstepped and what he could have said better. It was going to be quite the discussion for the both of them, and Suguru wasn't sure what he was going to hear. Satoru wasn't sure what he wanted to say. So he lies still.

"Suguru, nothing much happened—" It's a futile effort but he tries anyway.

"We both know that's a lie," Suguru interrupts. It cuts sharp. He didn't mean to sound so irritated when he says it but the damage was done. He shakes his head, and continues, taking a breath before he speaks, "You're going to keep lying, telling me you're okay when you're not."

"Look at me." Satoru's head turns in the direction of Suguru's face.

"I always see you." He's not wrong, and it's a cheeky response. Suguru is not amused by it.

"See me clearly."

He holds out his hand, and Satoru understood what he meant the first time, but delaying and lies by omission were always a strong suit of his.

He obeys, undoing the bandages around his eyes, and placing them in Suguru's open hand. There was no need for Satoru to undo the bandages over his eyes to be able to see him. It was always about the deepened connection that awoke whenever Suguru had the chance to fully see Satoru's face. The absence of the barrier between them was, hopefully, the presence of truth.

"You can make me do anything," Satoru's words depart softly as a subtle chuckle leaves his lips. The meaning sets into Suguru's mind clearly. There was a part of him that didn't want this to be the case. But it seems, it is.

"What do you want from me, Satoru?" He asks, but it's not a demand. It's almost a plea for him to say what's truly on his mind. It's not urgent but then he adds, "I want you to say it."

Eye contact is broken, and before Suguru can ask for it back, Satoru rectifies it. His jaw tenses, as he finally says what he wants but in the least amount of words, he can possibly say it.

"Control me."

'I just didn't want to think anymore,'

He was the strongest, but he couldn't even keep his emotions in check that day. Suguru had to pull him down from whatever fucked up state he was in. When he did, it felt rather cathartic.

Suguru had leveled him, brought him back to the present when Satoru felt like there wasn't one. He couldn't deny that wanted that feeling again.
The feeling of giving in, of letting him handle everything. The reassurance of it was like a warm blanket to him and he's lived his whole life in the cold. Suguru was the comforting presence that he couldn't get rid of and didn't want to. But he was allowed that experience simply because he could hardly care for himself at that moment. He knew, vaguely, that he would have let Suguru do whatever he wanted that day.