Her Therapist

Chapter 23.

ESTHER

I stare at the woman Tomlinson fucked last night, and I cringe at her weird lingerie. I mean who wears lace lingerie? Well, I guess only women who want to have sex. I would never wear that, though. Not even when I have sex. Though, I'd never have it. 

It's not that I even crave it. I basically know nothing about it, except that women can get pregnant doing that. And that basically every single person on this stupid planet likes doing it. Why, well, that I don't know, and I don't want to. I hate touch. No, I despise it. It's so...

"Don't touch me!", I scream at this unknown woman. I hate unknown people. I hate when I don't know if they can hurt me or not. Well, practically I hate them in general, but especially the ones I don't know. 

And where did this woman come from? Tomlinson told me he hadn't had a girlfriend. Why would he lie to me, though? I thought... I thought that he was at least the one who didn't lie. But, guess I was wrong. Again. 

Ann Marie was right- do not ever trust a man. 

God, just stop thinking about her already. I know that it was the anniversary of her death, two days ago, but you should really stop thinking about her, Esther. And where was your mind when you mentioned it to Tomlinson? 

I miss her, okay? She was my only friend, and since her, I haven't had any. I still have her number, and her name on it, the little paper, which she signed as a therapist, in case I ever needed her help. Well, I need it. But she can't help me anymore. And have I mentioned that I need her? Especially now, when I escap...

"Love, I need to touch you so I can put ice on your eye", Mery says with a sweet voice, and I frown, pouting my lips. 

I don't like her. Why does Sebastian like her? Why did he lie to me about a girlfriend? About bringing girls here to sleep? Why do I even care that much that he lied? Maybe because dad did the same thing. Pretty much the same. 

You know I should have hated women much more than men because one woman fucked up my life, along with my dad, but it was mainly his fault. It's a good thing I don't get to see them anymore. But I do kinda miss him a little.

Every single therapist I had so far said that our relationship was toxic, but I don't see it that way. That is why I no longer live with him, and why I work tons of jobs to show how independent I can be without him. Only that I can't work now all because of a man who had a bang with the same woman who is taking care of my eye now. Why am I even letting her do that? Well, maybe because it does hurt a little, but I don't wanna admit that to Tomlinson, so he doesn't take to the hospital. I hate hospitals. I think that's pretty much obvious.

"Why do you care?", I mumble, hissing through my teeth, while I move my hair off my forehead, so she doesn't have to do that herself.

"I care, love, why wouldn't I care? Girls should stick together, shouldn't they?", she tweets, and I decide that I hate her stupid voice. But this is something Ann Marie used to say, too, only that the girls in our group in the hospital didn't like sticking together, so we had to be the ones who would sit aside, separated from everyone else. And in the end, it was me alone. 

"They shouldn't", I contradict her, just because I can. 

"They should, they should, love. Why are you so pessimistic?"

I hate when someone tells me this. I could literally punch them. And sometimes I even do. But if I punch Mery... I don't know how that would make Sebastian feel. He would hate me even more. I'm aware that he doesn't like me much, and that I'm hard and tough and that obviously irritates him. Not that he irritates me any less.