Her Therapist

Chapter 31.

SEBASTIAN

Once I escorted Esther to her house, I started slowly walking to mine. She didn't let me escort her completely to her doorstep, yet she told me to go before she turned to the corner, leaving me alone. And no, matter how much I wanted to continue following her, I think that it would push her limits, and that probably wouldn't end up good. I just hope she came safe home. I remember a short, and silly memory before she went home, and I laugh to myself while walking through the busy streets with night lights shining bright, and a stupid smile on my face.

"One more hug?", I proposed, smiling innocently.

"No, no", she mumbled, shaking her head, "hell, no. It would be too much. Please", she whispered, and I barely recognized the word, but when I did, I stayed in shock.

I quickly recuperated myself to say: "Okay, okay. But we need to start working on your fear of touch."

"I don't have any fear", she hissed, making a face. "I just don't want people to touch me."

"It expresses love. And kindness", I added.

"I don't need love. Nor kindness", she added, as well.

"One day you will trust me. One day you will need someone to touch you and show you love. I promise you, Larsson. Then you'll come to me."

"I won't. I don't need anyone. I'm enough to myself."

"As you should be", I cleared my throat, swaying back and forth on my feet, "but, it's not a bad thing to be in love with someone."

"Have you ever been in love, Tomlinson?", she asked me, swaying back, and forth, nervously just like me.

I scratch my neck. Have I ever been in love? Was I in love with Lucy? I think I was, but my problem is that I fall in love too easily with any person who shows me even a little bit of gentleness, and interest. Studying at university, I focused on learning, and classes, not on girls. I wasn't even going to parties, well, maybe a few times when Conor would force me to, but I would only end up taking care of him, and taking him back home while he is drunk as a skunk.

So, before Lucy, I had like three girlfriends, and I fell in love with each of them, but they all broke up with me with a silly excuse that was saying how I was too focused on studying and boring. I would always show them attention, but it was never enough. Never. No matter what I did it was either boring or cliché for them. Flowers, romantic diners... They only wanted to drink, party, have sex, and repeat all of that.

So, with time I stopped looking for a girlfriend and fully focused on studying, books, diseases, and the brain, in general, to understand how it works, so I can be able to help people. At some moments I would find myself yearning for someone to be by my side, to lay in bed with me, to comfort me to sleep, to wake up with me in the morning. But I was a nerd, a bastard who lost himself in the pages of the medical books. The one who didn't deserve to have anyone.

Then I met Lucy. I instantly fell in love with her - with her lips, her eyes, her sweet laugh, and her tall, but curvy figure. I found myself dreaming of being with her, and I realized that I didn't have to study anymore that much and that I had way too much free time. Free time to devote to someone. Free time to have a girlfriend. But, I used to think that she would never look at me, and even if she did, she couldn't be with someone like me.

Then it all changed. We started talking and laughing together, I would take her to diners, and she was pretty nice to me, and I fell in love even more. I gathered the courage to kiss her, and we started dating. Slowly. Until one day I again had to gather the courage to ask her to come to my apartment. My cold, and lonely apartment, soon stopped being so cold, and empty because she was doing everything I always dreamt of - laying with someone at the night and waking up in the morning. Her sweet laugh filled my apartment, her naked body touched every corner of it, and her scent filled every single part of it.