For: -EtherealAngel-
Trigger Warning(s): Talks of miscarriages, cursing
Quick Note: Before you read this just keep in mind that everyone grieves in different ways.
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"I'm sorry, Aria, but you've had a miscarriage." My mood instantly went from happy to upset. Russell and I had been trying for a baby for a year and yet nothing was happening. I was starting to think something was wrong with me because this was my third time losing a child.
I tried to hold in my tears as I left the doctors office. How was I going to tell Russell that it was my fault we had lost another baby? I quickly got into my car and started to cry. There was no way I could tell Russell that I was not carrying the baby anymore, especially because our relationship was already on the rocks.
My phone had rung about twenty minutes later. I looked at the screen to see Russell was calling me. I had forgotten my surroundings and for a moment had forgotten where I was at.
"Hello," I answered the phone as blandly as I could. I did not want Russell to know that anything was wrong.
"Hey, Aria, when are you getting home?" He asked.
"You're home?" I asked ignoring his question completely. He had been out of town because of an OKC game I hadn't even realized he was getting back today.
"Yeah, I told you this morning I was getting home today. Are you okay?"
I hit my head against the steering wheel there was no way I could lie to Russell this time. "Just peachy. Listen I'll be home in a second." I replied before hanging up on him. I hadn't meant to be so rude to him, but I was not in the mood.
I took my time getting home, I had felt nothing but dread inside me ever since I had gotten out of the doctors office. I did not want to believe that I had had another miscarriage. I felt terrible, what was I doing wrong?
"Hey, babe, I've missed you." Russell greeted me at the door like an excited puppy greeting its owner.
"Why'd you miss me? All you do is yell at me when we're together." I snapped at him.
I didn't feel like dealing with Russell. He had been having a lot of mood swings ever since my first miscarriage. He usually started off the day happy then by the end of the night he was angry, most likely at me.
"Why so angry?" Russell asked his nice mood still not disappearing.
It was starting to freak me out with how nice he was acting. Was he okay?
"Just leave me alone." I mumbled trying to push him away, but he grabbed my arm.
"Aria," Russell pulled me into his arms, "what's wrong?"
I didn't look at him because I felt nothing but guilt. It was my fault, all my fault. I wanted to tell him so bad, but I couldn't. If I told him he would start yelling at me and I didn't need that being stressed out enough.
Instead of answering his question I kissed him. I wanted him to stop bothering me and I didn't feel like answering questions. I grabbed him through his pants and he immediately backed away from me.
"Uh, babe, isn't sex bad for the baby?" He asked with concern.
My body froze up and since my hormones were out of whack I started to cry. He pulled me into a hug and started rubbing my back. "Aria, what is wrong? You're scaring me."
"I had a miscarriage." I cried into his shirt.
He pushed me off of him and backed away from me. "Hold up. What did you just say?" He looked at me in disbelief.
