Random thoughts

Title is at the bottom.

You are one of the main reasons I want to die.

I hate you. All of you. But feel so guilty for it.
You have everything, yet you you want so much more.
From the people around you.
From the world.
From yourself. 
You smile and laugh everywhere you go, yet you snap and suddenly you are crying.
You expect people to meet your expectations, but you can't even meet them yourself.
You have a mind filled with wonder, and you feel like it's killing you.
You disgust me.
And I know you hate me too.
You try your best not to, but those raw feels of salt in open wounds beat a fake smile.
I have hurt you, and you have hurt me.
We are just a never ending cycle of pain.
Because people that say they love us have hurt us.
Now the people that hurt us are the ones we love.
You hate not knowing what to do with your emotions. Because they've been an inconvenience to others in the past.
People giving you advice hardly ever get through to you, because you've always had to find the right way yourself.
You have a hard time respecting authority, because authority has never respected you.
People forget so often that the words and actions they display to their child will be sown to them for the majority of life.
And it is incredibly hard and incredibly painful to rip them off.
So, I really am sorry to you.
You have been through a lot.
But you don't believe things unless others believe it too.
And you are so sick and tired of being sick and tired.
And I am too.
I think we all are.
You and I are one of the same.
I hope in future we can be friends.

— A letter to myself