I'll Be There - Virgil X Reader

Chapter 10

I hope the last chapter wasn't boring or annoying! I was trying to capture what a sensory overload feels like for me sometimes. It varies from moment to moment, and the things I can handle change quicker than the weather in Florida. Long sentences are too much for my brain to comprehend, so usually I think in short, compartmentalized ways. I take shortcuts to get where I'm trying to go and I pray that I'll get there soon. If any of you have ever experienced a sensory overload and don't mind sharing, leave a comment! I would love to see what it's like for you guys! I hope you enjoy this next chapter, love you guys!

Also, Trigger Warning! There's some fairly messed-up stuff in this chapter, some gore, some vomit, and some sexual references.
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  I woke up this morning feeling utterly exhausted. My wrist, now bandaged and clean, still hurt like a buttcheek on a stick. I felt like crap. And yet, I still knew I deserved it. What I did to Roman...

  I shuddered at the thought of what had been described to me shortly before I overloaded. It was gory. It was awful.

  It was me.

  I felt my eyes sting as they welled up with tears. I sucked in a deep, choppy breath, knowing that I wouldn't be leaving my room for a long time today. How could I face them after the horrors I had caused?

  I swallowed hard, but the newly formed lump in my throat didn't go away. I rolled over in my bed and pulled the blanket up to my chin. I squeezed my eyes shut as a tear leaked out onto the sheet below me.

  What kind of a monster am I?

---

  I felt a warmth enveloping me. I looked up to see the glorious sun smiling down on me, more bright and beautiful than I'd ever seen it. Truly a vision that embodied joie de vivre.

  I looked back down to what was in front of me. An idyllic grassy meadow stretched as far as the eye could see, full of dandelions and aster. I could feel the blades of grass between my toes and the cool dirt beneath my feet. A lone weeping willow sat on a slight incline not twenty feet from me. I felt compelled to draw close.

  I took a step and felt the pads of my feet being tickled by the jaunty plants beneath them. I ignored the playful sensation and carried on. I knew naught of where I was or how I came to be there. I only knew that I must reach that tree.

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  Loneliness.

  It's not something anyone would expect me to have a problem with, especially since I can conjure replicas of people. That's one of my little talents that the others don't share. The problem is that my replicas are only thoughts. They're not real. And they only do what I tell them to. That gets boring after a while.

  That's part of why I was more excited than a lioness in heat that we had a new Dark Side. Finally, someone to talk too. Someone who might indulge in my horrible creations with me. Someone who's purpose was as twisted as mine.

  But they didn't treat her like a Dark Side. They didn't put her room at the end of the hall with mine and Jan's. They didn't shun her and send her off to live with us. They didn't treat her like an unwanted outcast.

  Not yet at least.

  I noticed that she wasn't present when my brother was having his bloody little freak-out. He was probably freaking out because of her.

  It was obvious to me. The nightmares, the panic attacks, the self-harm...all of it happened after interactions with her.

  It wasn't just Virgil and Roman either. Patton had been less cheery than usual, and Logan was often lost in thought.