ALIVE ANGELS ; lana del rey

➵ two, k

*:·ﾟ✧ CHAPTER TWO. k

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EVER SINCE I was in preschool, I've been moving. 

Moving houses, moving boxes, moving schools. 

Throughout my childhood, I've subconsciously learned that it's worse to emotionally wrap yourself around people, events, and places throughout my childhood. Then, you start to watch everything you had slip out of your fingertips, drifting farther away as time goes on rather than just not becoming connected to anything. 

Watch events turn into memories. 

The final day before you leave, full of sorrowful goodbyes and gateway hugs, always left a permanent mark on me when I involved myself. Walking down the pavement and sidewalks, drifting farther from the people I learned to hate over the years, reminds me of all those summer afternoons and solemn goodbyes.

I abide by the rules I subconsciously created those nights, realizing to not be alarmed when I fall to pieces when I'm without them–everyone I've ever loved and talked to. To try to stay detached from everything. 

Here, I broke that rule. 

Countless times. 

The only people that I accidentally let myself become emotionally intertwined with are my friends. More specifically, throughout the majority of the past year, someone named K entered my life. 

Well, at least I think it was his name; he was oddly mysterious with his personal identity, but I didn't care. I needed a source of comfort, idolization, and control in my life, and he served as all of those. I first met K at a party we both weren't supposed to be at, and we started to become closer to each other after that.

During those first months, I forgot all about the rules I made. 

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I stop by a dimly lit playground, and the cold breeze runs throughout my being as K runs through my mind. All the memories, events, and conversations return to me, and I can't say that I don't miss him because I would be lying.

K was the only exception I made to everything I've made for myself in the past thirteen years, and it fell apart. Badly. He was just like me, too much like me. 

He moved across the Caeruleus Ocean, past the Forest of the Sirens and the Born To Die lake. I guess I should've known; we bonded over our parents' constant tendency to move to different places, so I think I was blinded by the illusion of having someone to depend on forever.

In a way, I still want someone like that, but I hate that I do. I know what I went through when K moved away, and it was emotionally overwhelming, to say the least. So whenever I meet someone who can potentially be someone that fills that role, I pull myself back down to reality by giving the probability that either of us could leave, physically or emotionally. 

Now that I'm gone from my parents, I can't move away unless the cops search for me through the streets, which will probably happen. What if my parents don't report me as missing? What if my friends don't write me as missing? Well, it's kind of what my parents wanted in the first place, and I'm not looking for attention by running away, although that's what my mom would say to me if I came back. 

I just want to leave.

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A breeze brushes over me, and I feel it trickle down my spine. I put on the sweater I wore at Art Deco Gallery, and the first thing I noticed was the taint.