The Echoes of Solitude

Chapter Six

Sunday 5th of June 2013.

"I thought you may have ended up down there," Marie called out as I walked up the path and towards the deck. She was sitting up at the picnic table, mug in hand, even in her night attire she was still very beautiful for her age. Her delicate fingers wrapped around her dark blue mug which was hovering between the table and her mouth. I could smell the coffee that was lingering in the air as I got closer to her.

"I used to end up on the beach most nights after my Larry died." She added softly whilst looking over my head and out at the ocean, "I found watching the waves dance with the sand, calming. It always helped clear my head."

I caught my lip between my teeth as I walked up the stairs, unsure if I should tell her the truth. I could tell her that I needed fresh air, which wasn't a complete lie. "Change can be a good thing."

My mum's voice from my dream made up my mind for me.

"I woke up from a bad dream and I just couldn't get back to sleep," I admitted honestly, sitting down beside her. I grabbed another dark blue mug that was on a tray and poured myself some coffee too. "I just really needed fresh air and like you said, the waves helped me clear my head."

"What was it about, dear?" She asked concern filling her voice.

I looked up and over the fence, staring out at the waves that were just visible. Again, I was unsure how much to tell her. Yes, I wanted to be able to let her in, I really did. It's easy for most people to trust, but for me, trusting in people is something that has never come easy. I haven't exactly had the easiest life with people that I could trust. I've only had two people out of my seventeen years of existence that I could trust and they were both buried six feet under. And as much as I wanted to be able to trust Mrs Webber, I just couldn't. It's just something that I was going to have to work on, plus I didn't really want to bring up bad memories.

"Um... I can't remember, sorry." I replied while avoiding her gaze.

She nodded in understanding. "How are you finding it here?" she asked, changing the subject. She lifted her mug to her mouth and took a sip, then placed it back on the table. "I haven't had a proper chance to ask you yet." She added warmly with a gentle smile that reached her sparkling blue eyes.

I glanced down at the diary that was sitting on my lap, my fingers playing with the top corner. "Good, really good," I told her, honestly. "I'm feeling more settled here than I have at any other house I've been in." And it was true, even though I had only been here a few days, this has been the first time that I had felt settled since I was fourteen.

She smiled a full smile that reached her eyes, "That's wonderful to hear and if there is anything you need, anything at all, you just let me know."

"Oh... uh, thank you?" I was shocked at her generosity and unsure how to take it. As much as I was settling in and starting to enjoy being here, I didn't want to be a burden and for her to think I was taking advantage of being here. I didn't want to give her a reason to resent me or send me away. "And I just want to say that I really am grateful for all that you have given me."

"I've only given you what you deserve."

"But still, I'm really grateful, I mean you have given me a bed, and a bookshelf and curtains, and you.."

"Wait," She said, raising her hand to stop my rambling. "What do you mean? A bookshelf? Curtains?" She asked in confusion.

I wanted to mentally slap myself, only Kate, my social worker, and my therapist knew about my previous foster home situations. "I-I didn't have many things in most of the places I stayed at. But, like, at one place I stayed at didn't have any curtains in the room I was in." I explained.