Heroine Life

Chapter 9: Someday Towards the Clear Sky - Second Half

I continued running aimlessly and ended up on the school roof.

"Haaah, haaah..."

I walked to the fence and sat down with my back against it.
To catch my breath after all that running, I exhale deeply.
I look up and the beautiful blue sky stretches on as far as the eye could see. Looking more closely, I could tell the clouds were moving slowly but surely.
Strangely, such a pointless and inconsequential thing soothes my stormy mood.

"... What a beautiful sky."

I forget everything about yesterday, today, and my parents. I simply gaze at the sky above me in a daze.

It would be so easy if I could just clear my mind and live without thinking about anything.
If I could throw all that away, would I be able to live without being constantly swept away by my feelings?
Will I finally stop being a burden to everyone around me?

I don't know.
I don't know what to do anymore.
It's so agonizing. I feel like I'm suffocating.



"It's a beautiful sky, isn't it?


"........."

I stop looking at the sky and lower my gaze to find a girl standing in front of me.
Just looking at the expressionless girl with lifeless eyes made me want to torment her.
When I remained silent and said nothing, she came up to me and brazenly sat down next to me.

"Your name was Chiharu Amabuk, righti?"
"Correct."
"Why did you chase after me?"
"Eh? I wasn't chasing you. I just wanted to go outside and get some fresh air."
"Well, now that you've done that, go back already. Our conversation should be done now, right?"
"I can go wherever I want."
"You really are an irritating girl, you know?"

But mysteriously, the irritation I felt earlier had completely disappeared and I felt lighter.
The girl next to me just silently looks up at the sky like I was doing earlier.
I also once again look up towards the clear blue sky.

"......Hey, you. Your grandmother came here but what about your parents? Are they busy?"
"No, they've already left this world. I just live with my grandma now."
"I see. Perhaps I asked something I shouldn't have."
"I don't really mind."

(Ah... wait.)

Why are we having such a normal conversation?
I've been thinking about how I'm going to get back at this girl all day. I'm supposed to be pissed off.
Maybe being around this listless person is sapping away all my energy as well.
What I was worried about a while ago doesn't seem to matter anymore.
It seems pointless to keep acting tough now.

......I knew it, this girl is weird. Still, there's something about her... she's interesting.

Gradually, my heart begins to feel warm. It's been a long time since I last felt like this.

"I know it's none of my business, but let me just say this."
"What?"
"When people keep lying to themselves long enough, they'll eventually delude themselves into thinking those lies are the truth."
"And what does that have to do with me?"
"Although you truly love your parents, if you keep stubbornly lying about how much you hate them, you'll end up believing that you really hate them."
"........"
"Not caring about being alone. Getting into fights is fun. Hating your parents. Are those things really... the truth?"
"I'm... I'm ......"

I don't know.

...Do I really not know?

(They're lies.)

I knew.

It was painful.

The truth is, being by myself was lonely.
Deep down, I couldn't truly enjoy beating people up and doing bad things.
But I had to do it.
If I didn't do something about this stress with no outlet, I would break down.
If I didn't act tough, I would snap. It was scary.
Even if I knew it wasn't true, I had to tell myself I hated my parents.
Because if I loved them, that just everything so much harder.
So I lied to make it less painful. I was running away because things weren't going my way.

"Forcefully replacing the truth with lies... surely that must be agonizing."

".........Yes."

The girl's blunt words lighten the heart.



Drip.

The drops run down my cheeks as they're washing away the lies.

For the first time in a long time, I cried in front of someone.
All this time I had made sure to only cry when no one else was around.
She kept looking upwards at the sky and didn't turn towards me, so I don't think she noticed.
Was she trying to be considerate in her own way or did she simply not care?
Either is fine with me. As long as she's next to me, that's all that matters.

I've been able to calmly talk to her like that many times since then.

"I'm sorry I kicked you."
"It's okay. I'm the one who said you could do it."

Although it's too late to change things now, I still felt guilty about kicking her so hard.
I'll have to apologize to that Abe fellow as well after and then I have to have a talk with my parents.
It's scary, but I feel like I can face them now.

"It feels like various things don't really matter anymore."
"Hmm."