Heroine Life

Chapter 18: Feelings I Want to Offer

There is someone that even if I were to offer up my entire being, it wouldn't be enough to express my love.
That person is not good at studying or sports. That person has a weak body, has a strange predisposition, and is not liked by most people.
No matter how much I tell that person that I love them, they don't respond. This love may remain one-sided for a long time to come.
Even so, I love that person. I would do anything for that person. Even if I were to get rejected, I'm confident that I will always love them.
I can't say that all of my feelings are pure, but the fact that I love that person is an undeniable truth.

When I first met that person, I could not have imagined that I would fall for them so much.
After all, at that time, I did not have a favorable impression of them at all.

It has already been six years since the day I fell in love with that person. Since the day I fell in love with Chiharu.

(It's already been that long, hasn't it?)

I still remember it clearly even now.
The months I spent with her. The fire. The mistakes I made. I remember everything without missing a single detail.
Of course, I still remember the first time I met Chiharu vividly.
It wasn't a romantic, destined meeting. It's difficult to even call it a fond memory.
......Still, I will never forget it. From that day I met her, I am sure that my love had already begun.



I first met Chiharu when my mom remarried her father and we moved in with them.



I was anxious because I had heard that there was a girl my age. I kept thinking about what kind of girl she would be and whether we would get along as we lived together.
Although we were the same age, it seems my birthday was earlier than hers, so I would be the older sister. I was a little happy to know that I would have a little sister since I had been an only child until then.
I had heard that my new father was busy with work and I'll rarely get to see him because of his frequent business trips, but I would see my new sister every day.
Since we are going to live together, I wanted to get along with her if possible. Although we are not related by blood, we'll share the same surname and become a family.

It was with these hopes that I visited my new home, but my hopes were soon dashed.

"......Nice to meet you, I'm Chiharu Amabuki."

Her demeanor showed she had no intention of getting along with me nor did she have any interest in her new family.
Above all, her detached, business-like greeting, and her emotionless expression and eyes were eerie. My only impression of her was that she was scary.
I was so scared that I ended up hiding behind mom, but she didn't care and turned to go back to her room.
Honestly speaking, I was relieved, but there was one person who would not allow that. My mom.
Mom held her hand tightly as she tried to shake her off but she didn't let go. Her expressionless face finally twisted in frustration as she looked at mom.

"It's nice to meet you, Chiharu. Let's get along from now on."
"..................."

Mom smiled at her, not caring about the reluctant gaze directed toward her.
My mom is a kind and gentle person, so she'll accept this girl as her family. But I didn't think I would be able to do the same.
The look in her eyes when she looked at me was just too scary, and because of her expressionless face, I couldn't figure out what she was thinking. When I look at her, all I can feel is an instinctive fear.
I realized after just one day that it was impossible for me to live with such a girl and get along with her.
When I told mom about this, she gave me a carefree smile and scolded me.

"We've only just met her, didn't we? We can't possibly understand her after just one day.
It's too soon to decide whether you like her or hate her. I want you to spend time with her, get to know her, and then take your time to decide."
"But......"
"I understand that you're feeling a bit anxious, but I think you're jumping to conclusions too early.
I'm not going to try and force you to get along with her, but at least don't give up trying to get along so soon."
"Alright, I understand."
"Good girl."

Mom pats my head and praises me.

My kind mom is my unconditional ally and my only family.
My former father abandoned her so I hate him.
My new father rarely comes home and I don't talk to him much, so I still think of him as a stranger.
The girl called Chiharu doesn't seem to want to get along with us at all and only gets involved with us when she needs to.
At first, I tried to get along with her as mom requested, but she had zero interest in that so it was useless no matter what I said.
That's why I only had my mom. No, I only needed my mom.
I continued thinking like that, so even though I was living in a new house, I felt as if it was just the two of us.
However, mom was different. She thinks of that girl as family. She treats that girl the same way she treats me.

"That's no good, Chiharu. If you don't eat vegetables, you won't grow big."
"......Okay."
"Look, your hair is still wet. I'll wipe it for you, so please be still."
"I-I can do that myself."
"Fufufu, there's no need to be embarrassed."
"I'm not embarrassed!"

No matter how much she was rejected, mom didn't mind and treated Chiharu as if she was her own child.
I could tell that she was opening up to mom little by little, even though she seemed to dislike it.
She started to show her emotions only when she was talking with mom.

"Yuzuha, would you like seconds?"
"......I'm fine. Thanks for the food."

I didn't like it.
Although she treats me and Chiharu equally, I couldn't calm down when I saw the two of them with each other.
She has black hair and dark eyes like my mom. I felt like an outsider because I was the only one with blond hair and blue eyes.
I was supposed to be her real child. I was the only one. I didn't like that she treated us the same. I was afraid that she would steal my unconditional ally.
That's why I gradually began to dislike her.
Up until now, even though I knew she would be hard to deal with, I tried to approach her amicably but I've given up on that. I no longer bothered to hide my dislike of her.
She seemed to sense the change in me, but she didn't do anything about it. She didn't seem to mind my bad attitude.

We are family, but we are not family. One day, about a month after we had been living in such an unstable relationship, I came home from school and found that she was already in the living room staring at the TV.
I felt uncomfortable and thought about taking refuge in my room, but then my eyes caught something that looked out of place and I looked at her again.
When I looked closely, I saw that her upper arm was stained red. At first, I thought it was just dirty with something... but it was blood.

"What happened!?"
"?"

I shouted in surprise but Chiharu looked completely confused and tilted her head. It seemed that she had no idea what I was talking about.
When I moved closer and looked at her bloodstained arm, I saw that her shirt had been torn open and there was a gash. Quite a bit of blood poured out of the wound.
It was hard for me to look at that injury any longer, so I called for mom in my panic.
When she heard my voice which was pretty much a scream, mom came and looked at Chiharu's injury. Her face turned pale and she quickly started to treat the wound.

"Why didn't you say anything after you got hurt?"
"Because...... I didn't notice."
"How could you have been injured this badly and not notice?"
"............"

She kept her mouth shut. There's no way she didn't notice such a severe injury. If it were me, I think I would have cried out loud the moment I got hurt.
I was curious as to why she lied and didn't tell the truth, but it was her own fault she got injured. I didn't want to get involved any further and retreated to my room.
It seemed that her injury was deeper than I had thought. She was taken to the hospital after and we discovered a shocking truth.
She was not lying. She really didn't realize that she had been injured.
Chiharu was unaware that she had been injured... because she no longer feels pain.
It seems she had been through a lot in the past and as a result of being driven to the brink both mentally and physically her body ended up like this.
At the time, I only optimistically thought about how convenient it would be to not feel pain.
After this was discovered, mom became more worried about Chiharu.
She checked her body for abnormalities every day and paid attention to the smallest of details to ensure she didn't get hurt.
That's why I began to hate Chiharu more and more for taking advantage of her condition to hog mom's attention.

"Get out of my way. I'm going to watch TV."
"............"

I moved Chiharu, who was watching an anime broadcast in the evening, out of my way and changed the channel to the news.
She didn't say anything. She just surrendered that spot to me and went back to her room. Now I'm alone in the living room.
Mom is out shopping, so it's just me and Chiharu in this house. But now, I am alone.
I was alone a lot in my previous house so I was fine being alone. When I have free time, I spend it studying or watching TV.
While I was trying my best to pay attention to the news I had no interest in, Chiharu came back into the living room with a lot of books in her hands.
I was wary of what she was doing here, but she sat down with her back against the wall away from me. There, she began to read one of her books.
I looked at Chiharu wondering why she didn't read in her own room. She noticed my gaze and in a rare turn of events, tried to start a conversation.

"......Do you want to try reading it?"
"No, I'm not interested."
"It's interesting. I'm sure it's much more interesting than what's on the news right now."
".................."
"I'll lend it to you. You can return it anytime you want."

She handed me the manga, even though I just said I wasn't interested.
She went back to her spot and started reading a different book. Judging from the cover, it might be the same kind of manga.
Looks like I had no choice but to read the book she handed me. It was the kind of manga that boys read, a story about a boy who fights for the sake of a girl.
At first, I just skimmed through it, but I was fascinated by the breathtaking battles and the earnestness of the characters.
Before I knew it, I was hooked and finished the whole book. It seems that there are more volumes in this series, so I'm anxious to read more.
When I turned to see if she might have it, Chiharu quietly offered me the next volume.

"Did you enjoy it?"
"............I don't want to say."
"I see. This is the next one."
".........."

I had no interest in manga before, but due to her, I ended up liking them. Not girls' manga, but boys' manga.
Since then, I even started buying books to read. I also started watching anime from time to time.
I spent more time watching TV and reading books with her, but I still disliked Chiharu.
She was creepy and I was worried that she might steal mom away from me. There was one other reason I disliked her.

"Mom! Chiharu touched my boobs again!!"
"Oh dear."
"I've had enough of this! I hate Chiharu!!"

I hug mom while crying. Then, mom laughs and pats me on the head as usual.
The one other reason I dislike Chiharu is that she sexually harasses me.
She often touches my and mom's body, pushes us down, and peeks at us when we're changing.
Mom is an adult and doesn't mind it, but I was going through puberty and am sensitive to such things, so her behavior is distressing even if she's another girl.
She said she doesn't do it on purpose, but no matter how many times she was warned, she kept repeating it over and over again. There's no way I can believe she isn't doing it on purpose.

"Did Chiharu apologize to you properly?"
"Ummm, yes. But that's not enough!! It was definitely on purpose!!"
"Yuzuha. Chiharu is not the kind of girl who intentionally causes trouble for people."
"But-!"
"Do you remember what else was happening when that happened?"
"Umm. It happened while we were returning from school and she suddenly pulled me in from behind..."
"She was probably trying to protect you."
"Eh?"
"There was probably a car or something that was approaching you. Please try to remember. What else was happening at that time?"
"............"

Ah, that's right. After Chiharu pulled me in, I think a truck drove right by us.
I was distracted by the fact that she touched my boobs, so I barely noticed it.

Also...... I remembered that her hands were shaking and her face was pale.

"Chiharu gets misunderstood a lot, but she is always desperately trying to protect others.
Before you condemn her, please think about her reasons, even if only for a moment.
When it's appropriate to do so, make sure to thank her.
Of course, if she does something strange to you for no good reason, it's okay to get angry."
"O-okay."

I understand what mom is saying.
Of course, I'm grateful that Chiharu saved me, but I can't forgive her for touching my boobs.
In the end, I still hate Chiharu.
Also, why does she end up sexually harassing whoever she's trying to help every time? That's definitely messed up.
Thinking back, there were definitely times when she did strange things to me for no good reason.

"But it's suspicious that she ends up doing those strange things every time."
"Fufufu, that's right. Maybe Chiharu has a hero's predisposition."
"What's that?"
"Yuzuha, you should know about it. In manga and anime, the hero often ends up watching girls change or touching them.
It seems like Chiharu is similar. Even if she doesn't wish for it, she ends up sexually harassing people. Ah, but she's a girl so maybe it should be called a heroine's predisposition."
"Isn't the heroine the girl who gets protected?"
"It's the same. A heroine is the girl version of a hero. Even heroines fight to protect what's important."
"Hmm."

I know that Chiharu admires champions of justice. Most of the manga she owns and the anime she watches are about heroes.
But I don't think I can call her a hero or a heroine.
The champions of justice I know are more cheerful, liked by everyone, and cool people who gallantly save others.
Yes, they were the complete opposite of her. When I honestly mom my thoughts, she surprisingly agreed with me.

"Protect and be protected. Love someone and be loved. She wishes to be a heroine of justice like that."

Mom smiles while looking a little sad. I didn't know why, but she seemed pained.



After that, my relationship with Chiharu did not change.
However, I came to believe that she wasn't such a bad person despite her many problems.
Maybe it's because things have settled down and I've gotten used to the Amabuki surname, my new home, and school.
I still have a hard time with her, but the eerie and uncomfortable feeling I had from our first meeting is gone.
Our relationship was more like people that happened to live in the same house than a family, but maybe it was easier for the both of us that way.
Mom still loved me as always and I was beginning to think that this kind of life might not be so bad.

Even though I had finally come to believe that.
Even though I was looking forward to what was to come.
---Even though we were just getting started.

But what came was the end of the life I had just begun to like.

It happened on one of the rare days when her father came home.
Besides that, it was just like any other day.
I spent the day like usual, went to bed at the usual time, and looked forward to tomorrow.

But I woke up before tomorrow started.

(.........It's hot)

I couldn't sleep well. Even though it was supposed to be winter, I got woken up by the heat.
Then, as soon as I noticed the abnormal scene, I froze in shock and fear.

"Wh-what is this...!?"

My room, which should have been dim, was enveloped in bright red flames and lit brightly.
With a terrifying crackling sound, the flames raged and burned my personal belongings and furniture to the ground.
The flames kept on spewing out black smoke, and my room fills up with smoke and flames.
Overcome with surprise, I inadvertently inhale the smoke and cough, but it allows me to come to terms with the situation.

(There's a fire!)

I have to get out of here!! But where? How? What should I do!?
The flames burned brightly and are about to surround me. The exit is blocked by black smoke.
If I stoop down and make it to the door, I might still make it. I crawl toward the door, careful to avoid the fire.
It is only a short walk, but the distance to the door feels incredibly long.
The heat, the smoke, and the fear seemed to be getting to me, but I managed to make it to the door safely.

"Hot!!"

I tried to grip the doorknob to get out of the room, but the flames made it too hot to touch.
There was nothing in this room I could use to cool it down and nothing to protect my hands. I should have some gloves, but the wardrobe they were stored in was on fire and I couldn't get to them.
Unlike the room, my body is getting cold. I could not get out of the room. If this continues, I will burn and die.

"No, no, I don't want to die!!!"

Due to me opening my mouth, I suck in a lot of smoke and cough again. My throat feels like it's burning.
I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I don't want to burn. I don't want to suffer. I don't want to die.
I close my eyes because I don't want to see anything. I cover my ears because I don't want to hear anything. I wished many times that this was just a dream.
But this was reality. The searing heat and the sound of everything burning didn't disappear.
Turning away from reality wouldn't save me.
I'm going to die here.

"Yuzuha!!!"
"!?"

I heard a voice calling my name and a tapping sound.
I thought I was just hallucinating, but the banging on the door didn't stop.

"Yuzuha! Yuzuha! Yuzuha!!"

I can definitely hear my name frantically being called.
This is her voice. She is desperately shouting out my name, which she has never once said up until now.

"Chiha-"

The room is filled with smoke so I can't be too loud, but Chiharu seemed to have noticed me.

"Yuzuha, are you okay!?"
"I'm fine, but the door won't open.... cough-"
"......Is it unlocked?"
"Yeah, it's, uh... Ah! Don't touch the doorknob!! It's too hot so, cough, it's dangerous! You have to cool it down first."
"......No, it probably won't open even if you turn it. The door is probably deformed from the heat."
"Th-that's..."
"Don't worry, there's still a way. Can you step away from the door for a moment?"
"Okay!"

I move away from the door as instructed. I was afraid of the dancing flames just behind me, but I trusted her and persevered.
After a while, I hear loud bangs on the door. Again and again, something continued to bang on the door.
She must have been trying to destroy the door with some kind of tool.
The sound gradually grew louder.
Finally, after the sound rang out for the dozenth time or so, the door finally breaks with a loud sound.
I hear the sound one more time and the door breaks down completely. She enters the room.

"Yuzuha!"
"Chiharu!"

She rushed over to me crouching in the center of the room.

"Thank goodness."
"......."

Her voice is filled with relief and she turns her eyes to me. Her eyes looked very kind as if she was looking at a precious treasure.
For a moment, I forgot about the heat, sound, fear, and everything else. My attention was completely focused on her eyes.
After all, I had never seen her eyes like this before.

"...... Are you all right? Are you hurt anywhere?"
"Umm, I'm fine."
"I see. Then let's get out of here as soon as possible. We may not have much time before it collapses."

The house was built out of wood, so the fire would spread fast.
The whole thing will collapse in a matter of minutes. She said we should hurry and leave the house before that happens.
As Chiharu led me out of the room, I found that the other rooms were also on fire. Still, we managed to move through the hallway.
She tells me that there is still a safe route to the entrance, so I breathe out in relief.
Now that I can finally see a chance of survival, I began to turn my attention to other things besides myself.

That's when I realized it.

"Where's mom? Where's dad?"
".................."

Chiharu shook her head. Then she pointed to the end of the hallway covered in flames.
That was their room.

"Mom! Mom!"
"No! We can't go on into those flames! Even if we made it to the other side, we'll never get back!!"
"No! Mom! Mom!!"

My mom.
I don't want to lose my kind and loving mom.
If she's not here, I'd rather die.

"Yuzuha, it's dangerous!!"
"No, no! I can't lose my mother!"

I was desperate.
I didn't want to lose the most important thing in my life. I was in a frenzy.

I had to cling to something. Anything would do.
God, the devil, a champion of justice, anyone was fine.



...Ah yes. If anyone was fine, she would do.



So, without thinking, I shouted.



I said the words that shouldn't be said to the person I shouldn't have said them to.



"Save her!"



Those words were magic.
Just those words were enough to transform her.



"Save my mother! Chiharu!"



Even though she is just a girl.
When she hears those words, like a curse, she transforms into a champion of justice.

......Or she tries to become one.



"I got it, leave it to me."



She smiled.
She smiled as if saving others was the obvious thing to do.
In those months we lived together, I have never seen her smile once, but now she was smiling kindly.
Like a dead creature that suddenly got revived, her eyes which never reflected anything gained a shine.
Seeing her face transform completely, I finally realized my mistake.

"Yuzuha, it's dangerous here, so go outside. Be careful and don't get caught in the fire."
"Chiharu, don't......"
"Don't worry. I'll bring our parents back."

She smiles to reassure me even though she is heading toward a dangerous place.

"Don't go! Chiharu!"

I tried to stop her, but she slipped through my arms and threw herself into the flames.
I was left behind and just sat there without escaping.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"

What have I done? How could I say that to her?
If I didn't ask for her help, she would not have done such a foolish thing.
If I ask Chiharu, who longed to be a champion of justice, for help, she would definitely try her best to help me.
Mom told me she was always desperately protecting others. I'm sure she would do it even if it meant sacrificing her own body.

I finally understood my mom's feelings when she smiled so sadly.