Heroine Life

Chapter 16: Shape of Family

When I was in elementary school, I had a homework assignment where I had to draw a portrait of my mother.

I think it was because Mother's Day was coming up.
I lost my mother very early, so I was wondering what I should do. The teacher came over and whispered into my ear.
Apparently, I could draw my father's face instead. But that didn't solve my problem.
I usually only see my father a few times a month. I saw him just the other day, so it will be a while before I'd be able to see him again.
I could try drawing his face from memory, but I don't remember his face very well so that would be difficult. I don't even have a picture of him.
If I don't submit anything, the teacher will get angry at me. Then, using my childish brain, I thought hard and came up with an idea.
When I think of the word mother, what comes to mind is not the mother who gave birth to me, but the mother of my childhood friend who lives next door. I should be able to draw Mrs. Hazuki.
She's always cooking delicious meals for me, gets mad at me when I do something bad, and gently hugs me when I'm feeling lonely. She was just like a mother to me.
At the same time, she was like a cool hero who caught bad people and helped people in trouble so I also admired her.
That's why...... I wanted to draw Mrs. Hazuki instead of my father.

When I boldly asked Mrs. Hazuki for permission to draw her, she looked surprised for a moment but then smiled happily.

"Sure, as long as you draw me beautifully, okay?"

She nodded her head unhesitantly.
I was so happy that I tried my best to draw her, but I remember that due to my crummy drawing skills, I grew frustrated because I couldn't draw her beautifully.
Natsuki, who was drawing with me, was many times better than me and that irritated me. I wanted to draw well and get her to praise me.
But even so, Mrs. Hazuki was very happy when she received it. She praised me a lot. She took both mine and Natsuki's drawings and displayed them like treasures.

She always treated me like I was part of the family. She thought of me much more than my own father.
That's why I thought of Mrs. Hazuki, Natsuki, and Natsuki's father as my family.
Even though my real mother was gone and my father was almost always absent, I wasn't lonely.
The Uehara family was where I belonged.

"Come here, Chiharu."

They were more important than anything to me and I loved them.

"Don't worry, Chiharu. I'll protect you."

I wanted to protect them.

"It's a promise."



But I couldn't protect her.

My outstretched arms were too short to grab the person so important to me.
All I could do was watch in the moment she died.
Mrs. Hazuki's body, sent flying by the car, took on an impossible shape. It was a shape no living human could have possibly taken.
In order to prevent my child self from seeing more of her cruelly disfigured body, adults tried to grab me.
But I shook them off and kept looking at Mrs. Hazuki. Even though she couldn't move or talk to me anymore.
I felt so sick from looking at her the whole time that I felt like I was going to throw up. The pain in my heart was deep and my legs were shaking.
Still, I wanted to be near the person I loved.

I was sad.
I was so sad that I felt like I was going to lose my mind.
Even though I could hear Natsuki crying from behind me.
I did not shed a single tear.
I didn't cry there nor at the funeral.
Even when Natsuki and her father moved away, I didn't cry.
Strong people do not cry.
That is why I couldn't cry.

Even after getting hit by reality, I didn't give up.

I still believed that I could save someone.

If I gave up on that, I felt like the Mrs. Hazuki inside me would disappear.
There is no one to praise me anymore. There is no one to watch over me anymore.
Even so, I couldn't give up on protecting people. In my heart, I always believed that.
No matter how irrational it was, I believed that there was something I could protect with my own hands. Even now, I still do.
That's why if there was someone in need, even while I was struggling with doubts, I would still reach out my hands.
I couldn't give up on what made me who I was and what I always longed for that easily.

Some time passed after Natsuki disappeared. My father remarried.
He married a younger woman that was very beautiful. I was confused about why I suddenly had a mother, but I was starved for love and had high hopes for the future.
However, her affection only lasted a short while. After a month her attitude turned cold.
My father rarely came home, and because of their differences, they ended up divorcing after only a few months.

Soon after, my father married another woman. This time, she was a serious-looking, strict woman.
She was a perfectionist and demanded many things from me.
Since I became her child, she wanted me to be a good student. She wanted me to be the best at sports. She told me to watch my words when speaking.
I tried my best to gain her affection this time but I was not blessed with talent so it was impossible for me to meet all her demands.
Perhaps the stress of not getting what she wanted was getting to her. She gradually became more and more violent. She would smack me on the head if I got a low score on a test and if she didn't like my attitude, she would kick me in the stomach.
It was probably around that time that I started to...... not feel pain anymore. I thought I was just getting used to getting hit but that didn't seem to be the case.
I didn't like pain, so I was happy that it didn't hurt anymore. I rejoiced from the bottom of my heart.
Perhaps she ran out of patience with my father who thought so little of family, or perhaps she was disappointed by me who could not meet her demands. After a few months, she left as well.
Without much delay, my father remarried again, apparently not having learned his lesson. By this time, I no longer had any high hopes for my new family. I completely lost interest.
Family, friends, studying, exercise, nothing mattered anymore. I became apathetic.

The third remarriage was to a divorced woman with a kid. She came to our house with a girl 4 years older than me.
The mother was similar to the last remarriage and seemed zealous about her children's education. However, she only cared for her own child and basically ignored me.
The child, my stepsister, was a diligent person who never disobeyed her mother.
She played with me occasionally, and things seemed to be going well for a while. I thought things might actually work out this time.
But it didn't last long. Within six months the family fell apart and my father divorced again.

My father never got tired of it and kept getting remarried over and over again. Each time I was disappointed and grew weary of being involved with people.

Then, after I lost track of how many stepmothers it had been, another new woman appears before me.
She seemed to have a daughter. Her daughter was half-hidden behind her back and looked at me with anxious eyes. I couldn't see her clearly, but the color of her hair and eyes left a strong impression.
I've already gotten sick of living with strangers, so I gave them the obligatory greeting and was about to retreat to my room.
But my new mother grabbed my hand and squeezed it.
Startled, I tried to let go, but her grip was too strong.
I glared at her as if to ask what she was doing, but she didn't mind and just smiled.



"It's nice to meet you, Chiharu."



Let's get along from now on. Her smiling face looked just like her.
I used to think they didn't look alike, but that was not true.
Looking closely, I can see the resemblance.
The way they talk and their atmosphere are so similar that it makes me want to cry.

Ah, that's right.

When I think of the word mother, what comes to mind is not the mother who gave birth to me, but the mother of my childhood friend.

And there was one more.



There was one other person I wanted to call mother.





＊





"......nn."

After waking up, I sit up and check the clock.
The clock hands show this is half an hour earlier than usual.
I could stay in bed a little longer, but since I'm already awake, it would be difficult to fall asleep again.
It might be nice to get ready early and relax in the living room once in a while......As I got out of bed, I suddenly felt a strange sensation.

"?"

My body felt heavy. Could it be that I got fatter again?
In fact, ever since Yuzuha's arrival, my weight has been slowly increasing.
The reason is probably Yuzuha's delicious food. I used to have a small appetite, but now I eat as much as the average person.
It's not that I'm forcing myself to eat, it's just that I didn't want to waste any of the food she took all that effort to make. I'm just eating as much as I like.
Even though I am gaining weight, it is not a problem at all. I used to be on the thin side, and the doctor had been advising me to put on more weight.
So maybe my current condition is just right.

(......Ngh)

But still, my body felt heavy. I couldn't put any strength into my legs.
Thinking it's due to the cold weather, I don't pay it much mind and leave my room.
I was dreaming about the past so that might also have something to do with why I'm feeling so heavy. I also feel a little nauseous.

I was thirsty, so I went to the kitchen to drink some water and ran into Yuzuha, who was about to start preparing breakfast.
I felt a little awkward because of yesterday's incident, but I didn't let that show on my face and greeted her as usual.

"Good morning, Yuzuha."
"Chiharu? Good morning. You're up early today."
"Well..."

I was relieved to see that her attitude was the same as usual, but that only lasted for a moment.
The moment she saw my face, Yuzuha made a surprised face and came over.
What is it...... did I have terrible bed hair? Or maybe I still have drool on my face. Uwah, if that's the case, how embarrassing.

"Chiharu."

She sounds worried. I wonder why. Her expression also looks somewhat sad.

"Please go back to your room and sleep. Take a break from school today. I'll inform the teacher."
".....Huh? Why? This is a bit sudden."
"You haven't noticed?"
"Noticed what?"

Yuzuha suddenly reached out and placed her palm on my forehead. It felt surprisingly cold, enough to make my shoulders shiver a bit.
I knew it, she muttered, and then her expression dimmed even more.

"You have a terrible fever."
"......Eh, fever?"

I touched my forehead. It is true that it might be a little hot, but I don't think it's that bad.
Ah, but is the fever why my body feels so heavy? Well, glad I managed to solve that mystery. I still feel horrible, though.

"Please just rest for today. Grandmother has some business, so she won't be here in the morning. If it's possible, I'd like to take a day off too so that I can take care of you."
"I'll have to decline. I'm used to it, so I'll be fine by myself."
"I thought you would say that. Oh, how's your appetite?"
"Now that you mention it, I don't really have much of an appetite... For now, I'll take some medicine and go back to bed."
"I see. ...... Um, I'll make you some porridge, so please warm it up and eat it when you're hungry, okay?
Also, if there's anything you want, please say so and I'll buy it on my way home.
Oh, and if you need anything else, please call or text me right away.
One more thing, please take your temperature with a-"
"Okay, I get it! You don't need to make such a big deal about it!"

She's still as overprotective as ever.
I'm glad to see that she cares about me, but I wish she'd stop worrying about me and just go about her day as usual. I don't want to cause any trouble for others.

"I didn't notice I had a fever just now, so it's not that serious. I'm sure it'll get better soon after I get some rest."

So I act as if I don't have a fever. I smile to show her know that I am totally fine.

"......You're not forcing yourself, are you?"
"I'm fine. I'm feeling fine enough to go to school."
"No, you can't go. Don't go out anywhere and sleep properly."
"Okay okay."

She's still looking at me anxiously. I don't think there's anything I can say that will help.
If I try to put up any more of a brave front it will just make her even more worried. I'll obediently return to my room and sleep.

I turn on my heel and take a step. My body staggers a bit, but I push on through and walk straight.
I find some medicine in the living room and drink it down with some water that Yuzuha brought.
......That reminds me, when I was young, I was always bad with pills. I always felt it going down my throat which made them hard to swallow.
But ever since I realized that tasteless pills are better than bitter-tasting powder, I've been taking medicine in pill form.
Syrup-flavored pills for children were my favorite, but I stopped taking them after grandma made fun of me for it.



"......Phew."