Being Allister Bird

What to Do

Mum sits across from me on the sofa , its ratty holes releases for my anxiety as it pluses through my shaking hands. Tomorrow , we become homeless. Today , we had fourteen hours to come up with a solution. "We could ask your dad if-" I shake my head, stoppping her sentance in its tracks. "That bastard cheated on you , there ain't no way i'm shacking up with him and his cast-off's" I declare , prompting mum to frown intently. "Lister! You shouldn't be so harsh on your step siblings. You know there...." Mum trails off , because clearly there was no discribleable world in the human dictitonary for how utterly awful they were. The beloved children , gifted with Ferrari's and holidays to the Sicily Iles. "How about your grandparents , then? They could help with..." I shook my head , and then that was it. A father who didn't want me in the first place. One set of grandparents who loved Jesus more then their queer grandson. I could ask the boys , I guess , but the idea of Rowan and Jimmy knowing just how poor I really am sends shivers up my spine. No , Noah and the Ark stays seprate from my shitty life. So then , what do I do? "I could get a job , mum. Paul from the Corner Shop down Whitehall street is always asking for stockers. I could quit school and then-" I begin animatedly , but from the hard stare mum gives me I can tell she has absoutely no plans to let me quit. "No , Allister. Money is for me to worry about. You need to finish your GCSEs , and then move out of this dive" Mum turns to me then , a look both encompassing love and aniexty rooted into the worry lines on her forehead. "This isn't the life I wanted for you , Allie. I always dreamed my kid would have a lushous green grass garden , and a bedroom where they could paint rainbows and stars , trees and falling leaves. You deserve so much better" Mum's blue eyes begin to blur with watery tears , and she kisses me on the forehead and then pulls me close. "I love you so much. Don't ever forget that. Not when that band of yours becomes more successful then the 'Beatles'. Not when you marry a darling women and have kids of your own. Never forget how much I love you" Mum pulls me closer and I nestle into her shoulder , just like I used to do as a kid. My mum. I would never forget.

School was strange today. All my classmates , bustling to class and chatting to friends and completely unaware that my world was falling apart in front of my eyes. Jimmy babbles on about the contract and Rowan asks about the science exam and none of it matters. None of it. I go home , and the sign is still there. Tonight. Nine hours. 12 midnight. I think of the homeless people I pass daily on my way to school. Did this happen to them , too? Disasters completely out of their control , and suddenly they freeze in winter and get spat at by teenagers in front of Boots. Fuck that. The door bolts open , and I can't even be bothered to protect myself. If robbers wanted to kill me in my sleep , at this point I'd let them. What did I have to live for? But it's only Aaron Riedvelt , one of Michael's cronies. He was a decent enough lad , despite the drug dealing he'd fallen into. I got it , though. His father fucked off years ago , and when his mum lost her job he had no other option then to turn to dealing. He doesn't have any deals with me , though , so I've no idea what his deal is with me. He sits at the end of the sofa , its furnishings tatty and worn , and wordlessly passes me a cigarette. After the day I've had , I doubt even a hit of cocaine would do it for me. But I place the cigarette in my mouth anyway , and Aaron produces a lighter. He's alright he is , Aaron Riedvelt. His girlfriend got knocked up when they were only fifteen , and the only place they could afford was this shitty excuse for a home. Christ , imagine a kid growing up in this shitheap. "So" Aaron says at last , trying to articulate the reasons for barging into my home. "Seen the sign. Bit shit , innit?" I nod , and take a drag of the cigarette. "So I know this guy" He begins , and that's when my suspicion begins to set in. Words that begin in 'know' and end in 'guy' never usually end well. "He works mostly around the train station , but I know he sometimes deals around the main supermarket after hours" Aaron is telling me , but the word 'deals' catches in my brain and rolls around like a poison. "Basically , yeah , he needs teenagers who can appeal to the younger generation" He turns to me then , taking my appearance in for a moment. "Your , what? Seventeen , eighteen?" "I'm fifteen" I say with a scowl , feeling my skin grow a bright red. "Barely" Aaron's smug smile suddenly morphs to a grimace of embarrassment ,  but I hardly blame him. I look older then my age at the best of times , and with hunger swept creases and cigarette  , I knew I could pass for older. But old enough to be a drug dealer? "I assume you go to St. Thomas West , right? Judging from your school badge" Once again , I nod in reply. The cigarette hangs delicately between my fingers , it's request to be between my teeth once more to great to ignore. Jimmy would kill me. I put it between my lips anyway , revelling in that beautiful taste that came from this small object of pleasure. "Well he's had requests from students there. And at other schools in the area. You heard of Turham? Higgs?" I nod. Of course I had. The school that burnt down , and its lucky pupils got a whole term off. I barely knew Turham , but I had a friend who told me a popular rugby player just came out as bi. Maybe I had a chance with him , my friend had said. I sent him a smile and told him to go fuck himself , kindly. Drummers absolutely do not end up with rugby players. That is just not realistic. I realize i've zoned out when Aaron holds up his phone expectedly , a number placed in front of my eyes with shaking hands. "I shouldn't really be handing out his number to any old kid , but I know what its like to be in your position. Deadbeat dad , struggling mum. Tell you what  , kid , its good money." I stare into those eight digit numbers , my eyes burning with its potential to change my life. One little drug deal. One meal for me and mum. One shitty flat saved. Aaron grins at me expectantly , and I can see in all his red eyes all the good its done him. Addicted , at twenty two. But was that so bad , if it payed the rent? A phone rings suddenly , and Aaron abruptly pulls the contact away to answer it. "Sorry , kid , i-" But it wasn't his phone that rang. I look down at my lockscreen and see Jimmy's number flash up , alongside the little red heart I'd saved beside his name. (Call me a hopeless romantic. I know) I quickly go to swipe the call , but it disappears before I can answer. "Your boyfriend?" Aaron scoffs , just as a text pops up from Jimmy;

Hiiii :) Call me back when you can. Me and Rowan neeeed youuuuuuuu!!!  

Well. That settles it. Jimmy needs me. I can be a drug addled rocker when we're famous. When he's famous. God knows he deserves it. I Can imagine it now; Noah and the Ark , winning Best Newcomer at the BRITs , and there's Jimmy with his fist clenched around the prize. This trans kid of colour , who had suffered so much to get here. He could be a inspiration to so many people. He could help so many kids. "Allister?" Aaron says , but I've already decided. No drugs. No ruining the band. Noah and the Ark are going to make it , and I'm gonna make sure we do.