All this time?

Birthdays pt. 1

And we're back! Hi everyone! 🥰

Buckle ya seatbelts chile. This is where the messiness begins.😭

Shoutout out to my homegirl Aniya on this chapter! ❤️ She helped me a lot with this one!

I'll come back and fix mistakes later like always. 👍🏾

Comment & vote please my loves! I made this chapter longer to make up for making y'all wait! 💖

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Tue, December 4, 2012

*Bey's POV*

7:00AM

Me and Jay are currently laying in bed catching up on our rest. I've been preparing for something big, The Mrs. Carter Show World Tour that's starting in April. The idea of the tour name wasn't mine, it was Jay's. I am married so it makes sense. This is going to be the longest tour I've done so far in my career; it ends in March of next year.

But for today, I won't be focusing on that since it's my husband's birthday and I have things planned. Boy am I glad I hired people that are expertise in decorating and setting parties up. Since the whole spill of him standing Blue and I up, he's been trying to make up for it. I'll give him that. This is how marriage works. Constantly moving towards improvement and being attentive to your partner when it becomes noticeable that they're fed up with something. As I lay in the confines of my love, I turn around to face him in his sleep. Thank god he's a deep sleeper. My thumb rubs across his eyebrows as I think about all the years we spent together so far. A piece of me feels missing, like something about us is slowly dying or fading. Besides the guy I dated back in high school, I never really got a chance to be in love with someone else. Yea I may have talked to other people along the way or something, you know... the free trial period. But man, all I know is him. I never felt anything for anyone else but him until I laid my eyes on Onika for the first time years ago. I mean she's always crossed my mind afterwards, but ever since I've spent the night over her house I really can't get her out of it now. We didn't have sex of course, but that's what makes it all more special to me. I could tell we were both touch deprived that night even though it was friendly behavior according to her. I think that's the most comfortable I've felt in a long time. I'm trying my best to avoid it and not over analyze it. Besides, she's going through it with Kenny. I don't want to cause her more problems and I don't want to cause any for myself either. It's hard though. Maybe it's just a spark that'll soon go out.

We have a full day ahead of us so I'm going to go downstairs and start breakfast early. I'm getting better at cooking so don't do me. I think I'm going to go all out and give a big meal to start him off with a smile on his face this morning with Blue. Grabbing my blunt off my nightstand I pre rolled, I get out of bed heading towards the kitchen. I need some music to calm my nerves and give myself some relaxation while cooking.

"Erykah, we've known each other for a while, I'm into you
I don't know what I gotta do, you know, to get closer to you
-Wait a minute, you know I'm in a situation
Why are you? Don't do this, why you trippin' like that?
-Well I understand that, but you, your whole vibe is, you know
I can see myself being with you forever
-Wow, that is really, that's really beautiful
I kinda dig you too, you know that
W-we, but we're friends and I'm in a situation
I-I'm in a relationship and you know what that means
-Well whatever I gotta do I'll do it for you
-You sure put me in an awkward situation."