Tales from Merimore Trail

61. Forward

At the beginning of the plane ride to the U.S., it wasn't very quiet. Bell was still crying, not as loudly as before, but her sniffles and groans still filled the air. Hers were the loudest, but the rest of us contributed our own tears to it.

            Especially me. I could've saved him. I could've just chosen not to be selfish and rid ourselves of all the anarchists. Mason would be right on this plane with us if I had. Ari and Cal tried their best to reassure me that there was nothing I could've done, and that Mason didn't want me to go down that path. But the guilt is still so fucking intense that I could drown in it.

            We couldn't even relish in the fact that for the most part, it's all over. There's just nothing but sadness, guilt, and agony over losing one of our dearest friends. Not just our dearest friend, but the one who shined the brightest when everything else seemed too dark to escape from. The one who made us laugh, lightened the mood, and displayed a kind of strength that we'd never known.

            He died to save us all. This is the second time my life has been spared at the expense of others. I'm not sure how I can live with myself after this.

            When we touched down in California, we were greeted by old citizens that we worked with when we were spearheading the rebuilding efforts years ago. Catching up was nice until one of them inquired about Mason's whereabouts. Some others informed him of the news. That Lysland's newest King has been killed.

            No one asked us directly about Mason again after that. They offered their condolences, especially to Bell, his widow, but we weren't asked for offer up any nitty-gritty details. And those that did asked were quickly condemned by those around them.

            We're put in a house, where the five of us can grieve together and decide how living arrangements are going to go. As of now, we're all unemployed and capitalism is starting to rear its ugly head again now that the rebuilding efforts have gone far enough. But at least we've been given some time to recoup after being so ungracefully banished from Lysland.

            Sleep doesn't find any of us too well, and after only a few days, I find myself waking up in the early morning. This morning, I decide to actually do something about it instead of just laying in bed and staring up at the ceiling until Cal wakes up, either from a nightmare or just because he couldn't fall into a deep enough sleep to stay asleep for long.

The house is all one story, only two bedrooms, but Bell is staying in an apartment unit close by. She insisted that she needed to be alone. I understand; she lost the one person that she really trusted more than anything in the world. She's not ready to share how broken she feels with the rest of us.

I open the door to my bedroom with a small creak and I hear the coffee machine running. It shuts off when I open the door though, and then I hear soft chatting. I step into the hallway slowly until I can hear legible words.

"No, thanks." It's Camille. She must be talking to Ari since Cal is still asleep.

"Are you okay? You used to always need a fix of coffee." A chair scraping. Ari probably sat down.

Camille sighs. "I... I need to tell you something, but I don't know if it's the right time."

A pause. "I-I mean, are we breaking up?"

"No, no, um... far from it actually. At least I hope so."

"What's going on?"

A longer pause. Then a long inhale and exhale. "I'm pregnant."

What? "What?"

"I don't know how it happened. I just started feeling kind of sick a few weeks ago and, I don't know, maybe I caught what Bell and Cal caught. I was tired, but I wasn't bedridden like they were. Then I actually noticed how late I was and decided to take a test. And... voila."