As Long As I Live

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"Oh my God! It's a solitaire Faizah aapa! Just look at it! It's so beautiful!"

Zara was squealing in excitement at the sight of the huge diamond on Mayra's finger. The extraordinarily huge and expensive gift hadn't gone unnoticed by anyone when Aamir had carried his wife back into their home. Amidst the hugs, the tears and the joy of Mayra's homecoming was the overwhelming sense of guilt and pain, of regret and sorrow, and the burning need to bring back all the happiness that had been lost.

Mayra hadn't expected in her wildest dreams to receive a welcome such as the one she had when Aamir crossed the threshold with her in his arms. It had been like walking in to a baby's birthday party. Colourful streamers were hanging from the wall and a huge poster of Welcome Back Home with drawings of Disney Princesses in their ballroom gowns dancing, was hung with innumerable balloons stuck to the walls and left on the floor. There was a huge cake right in the middle of the room and her entire family was standing around it, smiling widely at her as Khalid, Zara, Faiza and a four year old Amina screamed "Surprise!"

Mayra was stunned into silence and immobility as she watched the people who hated and loathed her, now celebrate her homecoming. Aamir gently lowered her to the ground when one by one everybody started forward to meet her. She was pulled into massive hugs, her forehead was kissed multiple times and Aamir had to keep reminding everyone not to smother her.

She still had difficulty in breathing out of pure disbelief.

When Mayra's parents moved forward to hug her, she pulled back a little and lowered her head. Maimoonah still flung her arms around her daughter and sobbed. Mayra stood rooted to the ground, her hands of their own accord remained unmoving, refusing to hug the woman back. They remained the same way when her father gave her a bear hug.

When Farhan walked up to her, she walked in to his embrace. He had been her parent, her father. The only benefactor her heart recognised.

She didn't smile like everyone else, she didn't laugh at their silly attempts to make her loosen up by wearing ridiculous party hats. She just blindly and unemotionally did what they asked her to do. She had been made to sit down and click pictures with Faiza and Zara. She had been made to wear a party hat and spray foam at Aamir. She had been made to cut the cake and with everybody watching she lifted a piece for Aamir. She saw relief and tenderness wash over him as he gave her a huge smile and leaned forward to give her piece first before he had a bite of his own.

She did it all with bitterness and a complete lack of joy.

Fariha and her mother had been the only two who watched from a distance and refused to join the revelry. Mayra had caught Farhan shooting daggers at Aamir's mother, silently telling her to ask her sister to warm up to Mayra or leave but the elderly woman remained aloof with a scowl on her face, disgusted at the way everyone were throwing themselves Mayra. But Mayra had been glad. At least something hadn't changed in the last couple of months and consistency was something she could definitely do with at the moment. Familiarity was what she wanted even if it meant that she would be ignored, or worse humiliated, but in familiar circumstances she knew how to react to situations and what was expected of her. In these new developments she was absolutely clueless about the what her family now wanted of her. Did her parents want her to open her arms for them and pretend like the last two years never happened? Did Khalid expect her to forget that he had called her a slut in front of her paralysed husband? Did Faiza expect her to laugh along with her and not be reminded of all the torture she had borne because Faiza had instigated Aamir?