As Long As I Live

No Room for Love

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*****

"Please, sit down. How are you?"

Faizah smiled at her softly and ignoring the chair sat down on Mayra's bed next to her legs. "Shouldn't I be asking you that? Aamir?"

Both girls turned to look at Aamir's back, Mayra whispered, "he just fell asleep. He's hardly been sleeping at night. He keeps.. "

Mayra trailed off, unable to continue. How could she describe the things that he was doing for her, things that she didn't even understand herself. The sudden kindness, care, concern and affection!

"He keeps doing what?" Faizah persisted. She gazed at Mayra's face trying to reassure herself that she was on her way to recovery, physically and emotionally.

"Never mind." Mayra evaded. "How are you. How's Irfan Bhai?"

"Speaking of which," Faizah smiled and her eyes glazed over lovingly at the mention of her husband, "Irfan is ecstatic."

"Why?" Mayra indulged in Faizah's youthful antics.

"Because he's," she stuttered, blushing deeply, "he's, actually we, umm.. we're expecting."

"Wow. Oh my God, that's wonderful! Congratulations!"

"Thanks Bhabhi. Oh God, I'm so scared. When we went to the obstetrician to confirm the pregnancy, I started crying and Irfan started laughing at me. The doctor actually asked if we needed a psychiatric evaluation! God, that was embarrassing. But everyday since has been so beautiful. Irfan takes care of me as if I'm made of glass. He will make an amazing father. I just hope I make a good mother."

"Of course you will. I'm sure of it." Mayra replied.

Faizah looked away, suddenly ashamed. "I'm not so sure about it."

"Why not?" Mayra asked.

She looked at Mayra tearfully and replied, "I haven't even been a good wife yet. Irfan has no idea of the past, and sometimes I freak out thinking about the possibility of him getting to know about all that happened. I'd die, Bhabhi, if Irfan leaves me, I'll die!"

"Of course he won't. Faizah you're being really silly. Whatever happened is in the past. You let go of it when you, of your own free will, married Irfan Bhai and you started this beautiful journey together. The past won't have any effect on your future, unless you let it."

"What about the effects my past is still having on your future, Mayra?"

Tears pooled in Mayra's eyes. "It was not your fault."

"Of course it was!" Faizah said aggressively. "Half the time Aamir hurt you was because of me. I can't believe how stupid I was at that time. Peppering his coffee, tearing the buttons of his shirt, lying to him about how rude you were being to us. And that awful awful night! When he lost that deal because of me, and he blamed you for it. For the first time in my life, that night, I truly saw the monster in Aamir. I actually was glad that I didn't marry him after he hurt you like -"

"Please. Don't!" cried Mayra.

"I'm sorry Bhabhi." Gazing was startled as tears poured down her cheeks, "I didn't mean to upset you. I don't want to bring it up to rehash all those painful memories, but unless you talk about it with him how are you going to get over it?"

"What do you mean?"

"How are you going to get normal with him? Don't you want a normal life with the man you love?"