Déjà vu

Chapter 7 - Exploration

I need to explore. Settle down in a dream, figure out what's wrong, overcome my fears and everything will be better. Everything. Everything. But how can I do that ? It's late. I don't remember if I took my pills so I take them. I don't remember anything so I take them. What happens if I take too much ? Only god knows. But I don't believe in god. Maybe a doctor knows. Did I take my pills ? Yeah I think I did. I'm sleepy but I don't wanna go to bed. I need to though. Oh yeah I remember. I need to explore.

It was late. I went to bed so I could remember. I need to remember. Everything will get better. Before I closed my eyes, I took a look at my apartment. It was awful, there was trash everywhere. The furniture was dusty as if a ghost lived there. I don't think I'm a ghost. I closed my eyes and opened them a few seconds later. Still in my bed but not tired. Is it morning already ? I stood up and opened the curtains to see if it was dark outside. The moon was red. I closed the curtains and repeated to myself: Remember, overcome your fears, overcome your fears, remember, remember, remember, remember, remember, remember. But what do I fear ? Is it  the red ? Or am I scared of remembering ?  I asked myself so many questions but I managed to open the curtains again. I threw up. I blinked and found myself in a dark red room. It's always a different room. This time it felt very familiar. It's getting clearer and clearer every time it happens. I walked through the room, shaking in fear. It's so familiar, it's almost.. nostalgic. I know this place but I can't remember, I can't remember. What is this place ? I know the answer, It's there in my head, in my brain. But I can't find it. It looked like I was inside a house, it looked like a living room. I heard someone screaming upstairs. Then I heard a weird sound, like something falling down some stairs. I saw the same shadows I saw last time in the distance. They were both standing but it looked like they were being violent. One fell on the floor while the other was still standing next to it. The standing shadow looked at me, then I heard a boom. It made me cry again. I cried, I cried, I cried and I can't remember. I need to remember. What happened ? Something happened, I know it. I KNOW IT, I KNOW SOMETHING HAPPENED WHY CAN'T I FUCKING REMEMBER ? WHY CAN'T I FUCKING REMEMBER ? JUST FUCKING REMEMBER. I was so angry. I fainted woke up again. Everything was blurry in my head and I had forgotten everything. It was late. I went to bed so I could remember. I NEED TO REMEMBER.