The Victor -Pollux-

Chapter 23

There's no going back once Carson accepted her feelings. She had taken the first step. It was harder than she imagined, but accepting the reality was the best choice. She didn't know if Pollux felt the same. Deep down, she hoped he did. He was kind to her, but he was a kind person. It was in his nature.

Whether he did or did not didn't matter because Carson was embracing the idea of caring for someone deeply again. It was a huge step for her. Others could never understand her lose and why her hesitations were so strong. It was hard for them to understand.

Someone sat beside her. She didn't need to look at them to know who it was. It was Finnick. There was a silence that settled between them. He noticed the tremble in her fingers and the shaking of her leg. Accepting her newfound feeling had taken a toll on her. She was scared. She was nervous. Her body betrayed her, informing Finnick that something was bothering her.

It wasn't hard for him to figure out what. She was holding the Mockingjay pin. It was given to her by Pollux. Finnick knew that Carson cared for the Avox in a way she hadn't ever cared for anyone before. He knew how hard that was for her to accept. Emotions were never her strong suit. He wanted to ask her but didn't. Carson would speak when she was ready. For now, he comforted her with his presence.

They sat together for a while. Carson stared blankly at the wall in front of her, attempting to sort through her emotions. Eventually, she spoke. "How do you live with it?" The question was faint. She wanted to know how to live with her emotions.

"You just do. It gets easier after a while. Less scary," Finnick responded. "It gets easier because it's worth it. To love someone, especially after what we went through. It's a privilege, a scary one, but it lets us know that we can still feel. That we can still love."

That brought Carson some comfort, but not enough. "Thank you."

Finnick placed a hand on her shoulder. "You're going to be all right."

She can't help but laugh. "I know." She always is. If there was one thing Carson can do, it was survive.

Before she can say anything more, someone approached them. "Sage," it was Boggs. They both know why he's here. He only ever sought Carson out when they were about to go somewhere. "You're wanted in the conference room."

"Okay," she sighed. "Where are we going now?"

Boggs pursed his lips. "District 2. You'll be joining Katniss as she goes to help the troops."

The two on the floor stand up. Finnick wanted to join them but wasn't willing to leave Annie yet. She still needed him. "Sounds good." Carson looked back at Finnick. "Tell Charlie I will be back soon."

"You got it." Carson knew there wasn't time to find Charlie and have a proper goodbye. It wasn't easy leaving like this, but it's what she had to do.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Carson stood at the front of the plane. The aircraft had already taken off, but she was chatting with Beetee, who was joining them. Her eyes find Katniss, who's sitting with Gale. There was a distant look in her eyes. Finnick had said it had been that way since Peeta returned. Carson couldn't blame her. Peeta was in horrible condition. The Capitol had tortured him.

She grabbed her bag, walking down the aisle to find a place to sit. "Carson," a voice called her. She looked over her shoulder, noticing Cressida waving at her.

Carson found the girl amusing. Always eagerly waving to get her attention. Changing directions, she approached the group. It made sense that the film crew would be joining. They always went wherever Katniss did. "Hey." The group was spread out. Castor and Cressida were sitting on one bed. Messalla was sleeping above them. Pollux was sitting by himself. She didn't think twice about her actions. She sat next to him. "I didn't realize you'd be here," Cressida said. "But it makes sense. Wherever Katniss goes, Coin sends you and Gale as protection."

That was how it worked. "Yeah," she agreed. "Are you shooting more footage?"

"Yep," Castor confirmed. "That's all we do." It was true.

A silence settled between them. Castor and Cressida began sorting through their equipment, muttering things to each other every now and then. Messalla slept soundly. He never woke, not even when the hovercraft jolted. Pollux drew in his notebook. He no longer tried to hide his drawings from her. Carson appreciated that. For a while, she watched him draw. Eventually, she began thinking of other things. Like the situation they were about to walk into. District 2 was allied with the Capitol. It was a war zone. Anything could happen.

It grew late. People started going to sleep. Carson couldn't sleep around others. She didn't trust anyone. Cressida went to sleep first. Castor was next. He crawled onto the bunk above them. Pollux fought sleep because Carson did. Although they were not talking, he enjoyed her company.

More and more lights began to go out as people try to rest before their arrival. It didn't matter how tired Carson was. She couldn't sleep.

Eventually, Pollux stretched his arms. He glanced at Carson, waving to get her attention. "You going to rest any time soon?"

"No." He was expecting that answer.

Pollux already figured out that she didn't sleep around others. He was still convinced she didn't sleep at all. "Why don't you sleep around others?" It was a question he had asked before, but he wanted to know desperately. Was it nightmares? Was it something else?

Carson didn't respond, not right away. She never talked about it, not even with Finnick. "I was-" she stuttered in a whisper. "When I was in the games, I found shelter in this little cave. I thought I would be safe. I hadn't slept in two days. I was so tired." Pollux listened carefully. "When I was sleeping, the boy from District 5 found me. He didn't have a weapon, so he just attacked me." Carson remembered every moment clearly as if it happened yesterday. "I managed to get away, but I've never-" she swallowed the lump in her throat. "I can't sleep around others because I'm afraid. I feel like I can't trust anyone."

Pollux understood her better now. If he were her, he would feel the same way. But Carson needed to sleep. She couldn't continue without it. "Do you trust me?" He signed.

Carson nodded before she spoke. "Yeah." She did trust him. That was huge for her. She didn't trust anyone.

"Sleep." He signed. "I'll stay awake. Nobody will hurt you." She stared at him intensely, unable to comprehend his words. "I promise."

"What about you?" Pollux smiled at her.

"I'm not tired." It was a clear lie. The offer was beyond tempting. Carson did trust Pollux enough to keep her safe. "Rest, okay? We'll be there in a few hours."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." He was sure.

Carson smiled at him, resting her body against the wall. Closing her eyes, she tried to get comfortable. If it had been anyone else besides Pollux, Carson wouldn't have been able to fall asleep. But she found his presence comforting. Sleep came surprisingly easy. Normally, she laid awake for hours, willing her mind to shut off.

But not tonight. Within minutes, Carson was asleep. Pollux started drawing again, wanting to keep his mind focused on something as he fought to stay awake. The plane jolted every few minutes. Carson's body leaned to the side. Her head fell against his shoulder. Instantly, Pollux froze. It was as if the air was ripped from his lungs.

Carson snuggled into his side. Her lips parted as she slept peacefully. Pollux tried to suppress his smile but failed miserably. Knowing Carson trusted him enough to sleep caused his heart to swell with emotions he never knew existed. So, he sat perfectly still for the next few hours until he too fell into a peaceful slumber.