Love Always

Trying

Katie POV

6 months later

It's been 6 months since the miscarriage and I've been up and down. It's been hard, I was finally excited about it and then it all got ripped away. I blamed myself for a long time, I believed that because I didn't know what I wanted when I found out, it was the worlds way of punishing me. Jensen of course made it very clear, it was in no way my fault. I decided to go to therapy and talk through it all. Not just the baby but also Peter and his sister. It's been over a month since I started and I'm feeling better.

We started filming our last season of supernatural and it's been so amazing. We've had a few old cast members come back and we've all been making the most of it.
The kids have been coming to set more, along with JJ and the twins and Jared 3 babies too. We really do want everyone to spend the last season together. Danneel has even been on set too. She was apart of the show for a while and everyone loves having her there.

I'm just in my trailer, working on some emails when the door knocks.
"Come in"
The door opens and Jensen walks in and smiles at me.
"Hey baby, you okay?"
"Yeah just working. Everything okay?"
"All good, just thought while we have 5 minutes, we could........" he takes my hand and pulls me up and kisses me passionately.
I giggle "not now J. I'm busy"
"Come on please. I miss you"
"I miss you too but I really have to get this done before I'm due back on set"

He huffs and turns his back to me.
"J don't be like that. I'm busy"
He turns back to face me "I know. It's just we haven't been intimate for a long time and I'm just worried that we won't ever get back to being us"
"I'm trying okay"
"I know. And I love you and I'm here. I fully support you. I just miss you"
I pull him in and passionately kiss him, as I pull away, I rest my forehead on his.
"Just please give me some more time. I miss you too so much"
He nods and pecks my lips once more before heading back out.

I don't know what's holding me back, but I think I need to talk to my therapist and see if maybe Jensen and come and sit with us so I can get to the bottom of whatever is going on. I really do miss him. His touch and his kisses. I need to do this for the sake of both of us.

Jensen POV

Me and Katie have been trying to mend so today she has asked me to come along to her therapy session. I know how hard she is trying and I want to support her anyway I can. We are sat in DR Greens room, she asks Katie to tell me how she is feeling, so Katie turns to face me.
"Just let me get all this out okay?"
I nod and she takes my hand "Jensen, we've known each other for 15 years. You have been my best friend, my co worker, my confidant and now your the love of my life. I couldn't imagine my life without you. We've been together for nearly 2 years and my love for you grows everyday.
I miss you, I miss me, I miss the us we used to be, losing the baby was such a blow to us. I know I was so undecided on wether this baby was something I wanted or not but I was finally excited and then it was ripped away from me. From us.
I know you miss us being intimate, so do I. I can't explain why but I'm scared. I'm scared because I feel like my body failed me. I feel like the one thing my body is supposed to do and it didn't. I lost your baby, our baby and I can't seem to figure out why you still want me? Why your not mad at me? Why you still love me?"

Katie is crying so much, I can't believe she would ever think I wouldn't still want to be with her. I don't know if I should hug her or let her continue. Dr green hands her a tissue and then looks at me "Jensen, how does that make you feel?"
I take a deep breath and take Katie's hand in mine again. I look her directly in the eye
"Katie, I've told you this was not your fault. Your body did not fail you. You didn't fail me. What happened was a stupid statistic. Not to sound like a cliché but these things happen sometimes and there no one's fault. I love you, I have for a long time and being with you has made me happier then you could ever imagine. I could never and will never turn my back on you. I'm here. I'm with you and I love you. Your are a strong, amazing woman and mother and our life together is only just beginning. Please always know that I will always be here. I will never leave you. Okay?"

She nods and wraps her arms around my neck and pulls me close. I wrap my arms around her waist and hold her close. She is still crying, her head buried in my neck. Dr Green looks over at me and smiles. I know she sees this as a breakthrough. Katie has been closed off for so long but now she has opened up. We can hopefully move forward and get back to being us.