Limerence • h.s.

02*

The car ride home was heavy. Jackson hadn't spoken a single word to me once we left. The air felt hard and I could feel myself panicking with every shuffle of my feet. I was too afraid to move or even ask him how he was.

Jackson and I met while working at a restaurant when I was freshly 18 and graduated. I was young and had never had a serious boyfriend before him. He was the bartender for the small restaurant, while I was a waitress just trying to save enough money to leave town. I had saved up just enough when he approached me, telling me he thought I was too good for a place like that.

Even though my heart had been set on moving across the entire state to be closer to WSU and Megan, I quickly got sucked into the world of romance with Jackson. I was happy when Megan dropped out, though. She moved back home and our friendship stayed well in tact.

When I introduced the two of them, Jackson immediately made a comment on how different the two of us were. How I was a soft and quiet blonde while Megan was a hardcore brunette with a loud voice. He immediately followed that comment with saying he's always been attracted to quiet women. I remember Megan hating the comment, saying he sounded like someone who always got his way.

I always thought it was polite, as if he was praising me. But then I quickly realized, after moving in with him, that he preferred me quiet so that I wouldn't talk back or share intimate details of our relationship with other people. Overtime, I preferred to be silent too. It made everything easier.

"Who was the guy?" I turn to Jackson, taking in the first words I've heard since we left the small bar.

"Oh he was just someone in the audience, he said we did well." I say, choosing not to mention the part about him wanting to talk again sometime.

"Why only tell you? You aren't all of the talent."

"I know, but I was just around, I guess." He hums in response before putting the car into park.

"Well, what did you do for almost 4 hours?"

"Megan and I stopped on the way there to get some gas, then we just drove straight to Raymond. Took about 40 minutes but we were late because Megan just had to smoke before we left. Then we just set up and played, you got there maybe 5 minutes after we were done." I finish my story, trying to speak softly and appear as honest as possible. Even when I am honest, if my voice is off he thinks im lying.

"And how was the show? I know how you get with crowds, like you're a child who lost their parent at the carnival."

His words sting slightly, he loves me and he hates me. "It was good, I drank a bit to calm myself down."

"Always drinking." The words come out of his mouth like a frustrated mumble.

"Well, I wish you could have seen some of it, I felt good today."

I reach out for the handle of the door, ready to get inside for the night and try to fall asleep to avoid anymore conversation. As my hand clasps it, I hear the click of the lock. I turn my head to Jackson, waiting to see what it was he wanted to say.

"Do you think I'm an idiot, Cec?" My blood runs cold from his words, my heartbeat picking up instantaneously. He must know about the phone number that's exploring the bottom of my bag.

"No. I don't think you're an idiot."

I state at him blankly, waiting for him to speak his mind. He sits calmly, staring right back at me while shaking his head the slightest bit. Before I can even consider parting my lips to ask what he meant, the sting of his hand colliding with my cheek shocked my system.

I force myself not to yelp in pain, knowing he hated when I make any noise. Tears well in my eyes but I try to push them away before he sees. I know better. My hand automatically goes to my cheek to calm the pulsating burn.