Loud Silence

Chapter 3

Noah's POV

I'm horrible. I'm a very horrible person. I'm despicable. And the thing is I don't know how to control it. Okay. Maybe I'm being dramatic. I have self control. But when it comes to the stupid crap I do, I swear it's like I can't control it. What I say. What I do. It makes me the arrogant jerk everyone thinks I am.

I swear I'm really not that bad, I just.. do bad stuff? I know it's no excuse, trust me I know. I mean what I did earlier to Willow, my god it rips me from the inside out. She has no idea how long I've liked her. And who knows, maybe it really just the fact that she's one of the only girls that's ever truly rejected me.

Maybe it's the fact that she's so quiet. Maybe it's the way she looks when she's sitting all alone by the tree in the courtyard, when the wind is combing through her hair. Maybe it's how she puts up with all my dumb crap I do. Maybe it's the way she looks at me, innocent at first and then just a bit of spark flashes in them. I know. I know I sound like a stalker but I know I'm not the only guy that feels like this. All the guys know she's freakin beautiful. We all know she doesn't know it. But none of the other boys want her. Purely because they all think she's a freak for not talking. And sometimes I sort of agree, I mean what kind of person wouldn't want to talk even though they could? And I really want to know. I want to know so badly. So that's why I decided to show up to detention today.
I usually never go, actually to be quite honest I think this is the first detention I've ever attended. As I walk in I take in my surroundings. Off to the side are two boys, they look at me and nod then turn back to staring at the wall. Over by the window, where I knew she would sit, is Willow. Her shoulders are hunched over a book, she has those cute nerdy rayban glasses on and her hair is up as usual. She looks up slowly and catches me staring at her. I flash a smile at her and sit right beside her.

"Enjoying the detention? Or the view?" The words just slip from my mouth. I've grown so used to this wall of arrogance, this wall of jerkiness that I guess is natural. I study her face and everything in me shatters. Her lip is busted, her cheek swollen and turning brutal colors of purple and blue. Why hadn't I stopped those girls? Why hadn't I helped her? Look at her! Every fiber within me is screaming to help soothe her pain but all I do is stare at her expectantly. Waiting for an answer I know won't come. She quickly scribbles something on a piece of paper and slides it over.

"I enjoy nothing about you." I stare at the the words before looking at her again.

"I find that hard to believe, everyone finds something they enjoy about me." WHY AM I SO STUPID!

"You hurt me and I don't even know why." How do I respond to something like that? I look at her hurt filled eyes. God she was a real beauty. She pushes her glasses up and pushes her bangs away from her eyes. One day I want to do that for her, hell, I want to do that for her now.

"Let me make it up to you. Let me take you out." I wait as she writes, her handwriting is so delicate, so purposeful, so smooth.

"So you can watch your girlfriends beat me again? So you can sit there and laugh? No thanks. You think you can have everything you want when you can't. I don't like you. I don't swoon at the sight of you. I don't get breathless when you're near me like all the other girls do. I'm not some girl you can just throw around." She slid the note over and turned away from me, stared out the window again. I'm horrible. I know.

"I'm sorry Willow." Did I just apologize? I did something right! She takes the note and writes,

"That was the most insincere thing I've ever heard in my life." God dang it. I really am sorry, I swear I am. I close my eyes and let go of the arrogance. I let go of everything.

"Willow," I whisper softly and look at her, she turns slowly staring at me with wide eyes. "Please, I really am sorry, my plan earlier was to talk to you, and then my friends showed up with their girlfriends and they kind of took over and it got out of hand, I'm sorry I should've done something." She looks at me like nothing I said mattered.

 "Nothing you say will make this any better. Just leave me alone like everyone else does. It honestly makes my life easier. I've read about boys like you. All you do is say the right things to do the wrong stuff. Just stay away from me and go after some other girl who's actually worth your time." And with that she stands up, grabs her bag and walks out of the room. Talking to her made the time fly. I could've sworn we were only talking for 15 minutes but the hour is up and the room is empty.

So I do what I always do when I get stuck thinking of Willow. I go to a party. There's almost always one every friday or saturday that a kid at our school throws. I call up my buddies who invite a crap ton of people and the party becomes worth it.

I use the other girls to get her off my mind. I use the guys to make me laugh and ease the pain of longing my entire body seems to scream with. But at the end of the night, even after the makeout sessions with girls who I can't even remember their names. I still want her, no girl is ever going to compare to the way she makes me feel. No girl will ever compare to how crazy she makes me. There's only her.