Loud Silence

Chapter 8

Willow's P.O.V

There used to be a time, where night and day seemed like one. The summer after sixth grade was the summer that changed it all. Well changed me you could say. That summer momma didn't come home like she used to. Before that summer, she'd come home and put the music up loud, the type of loud where you can feel the hum in your chest. Of course our old neighbors hated this and would bang on our door as if we'd listen to them. My mother was the mother people dreamed to have. Her long black hair hung to her hips the way mine cascades down my back. My mother and I both have pale skin that tans well in the sun but fades when winter comes and the sun is gone.

After turning up the music, my mother would put her hair up in a messy bun, and tug on my hand leading us into our large kitchen. The counters were shiny granite decorated with household items such as a red toaster I loved to make toast in. Toast was my savior. The red blender we made delicious milkshakes in that I still get cravings for. You've never had a milkshake till you tasted my mother's. The silver stove where I helped with all the meals.

That stove and I have had some pretty tough battles, once while making a devil's chocolate cake I burned my arm. Raising the skin on my arm in a nasty manner. It took every fiber of me, to not break the stove with feverish kicks to the glass front. 

The point is, I loved my mother and I idolized my father. And that sixth grade summer is when things changed. I started to see less and less of my mother and what I did see of her made me cringe. The circles beneath her eyes were deep and dark, her eyes were always glazed over, her shoulders were hunched over her hands cold and thin. Her body frail resembling that of an old woman rather than the 40 year old woman she really was.

As I saw less of my mother, I seen more of my father. It started off okay. Just okay, he'd still talk to me, he was still my father. But then alcohol became his new priority and I started to dwindle in the list of the things that were important to him. And it is sixth grade summer that made me who I am today.

I depend on myself, I have to, making my own meals, taking myself to the dentist, making sure my father was okay no matter how much he hurt me. I had me and only me, the hurt that I felt now days though, was unbearable. And I had no where to run. I think that's why I let myself open up to Adrian the little bit that I did at the party. I think that's why I let myself believe that Noah was going to change for the better. I needed and wanted to finally have a friend.

But instead of going out and making friends, I was currently laying on my roof staring at the sky. The city lights drowned out the lights of the stars, leaving it up to the few stars who could shine bright enough to be seen. And it is sad to know that the stars are only visible in darkness. That their light only shines when it is dark enough for them to shine.

It was only 8 and the sun was already gone. It was sunday night. I should be doing something. Maybe I can call Adrian. Dad's out at the bar, and momma is working, he can come over. Whoa there Willow inviting a boy over to your house? Oh please nothing's going to happen. I met the boy a week ago, and I've seen him around school and we've talked (well he talked, I responded by writing on a random piece of paper) but there just hasn't been enough time to be just us.

And Noah? Haven't heard much from him either. Just seen him around with the blonde bimbo Brittany. And that's all I have to say on the matter.

I take my time climbing down the old oak tree in the front of our house, landing on my feet carefully. I walk back into the house, closing the door with my foot. I walk over to the small living room that I never use but has become my father's sanctuary and grab my phone. It's simple, small and I never use it. Not unless it's an emergency. But I haven't had one yet. Thank the angels. 

I quickly send a text to Adrian letting him know that it's me. Wondering if he wanted to hang out. I set the phone down and flop on the couch. I slip out of my sweater, leaving my skin exposed, all I'm wearing is some faded jeans and a white camisole  that hugs my skin, not too much like the girls at my school where it's a second skin. But enough to show more than I usually do. But I don't want to look like I invited him over for something I didn't. So I quickly run up the hardwood stairs taking them two at a time and walk into my room, my heart thundering in my chest from what I don't know. Anticipation? 

What the hell's wrong with me? I need to calm down. Boys are boys. I don't need to spread myself thin. Adrian is my friend. And Noah is a douche. Simple facts everyone should know. 

There comes a loud knock from downstairs and I nearly fall over. I quickly grab a navy blue v-neck and run down the stairs barefoot revealing my painted blue-black toenails. I open the door assuming it's just Adrian. Boy was I wrong, standing in almost perfection is Adrian, a smile playing on his lips at my reaction of Noah being with him. Revealing dimples that would make any girl go crazy.  

I narrow my eyes at him. Questioning him. Letting my stare drift to Noah. 

His hair is its usual, pushed up looking natural like he didn't spend time doing it. He looks bored. The way his shoulders sag, the way his eyes show that he'd rather be anywhere else. What happened to him? What shut off that all of a sudden the dreams he spilled to me were no longer his? It doesn't matter, if he wants to make that choice let him. 

I gaze back at Adrian, who is sporting a brown leather jacket, a white v-neck, with dark jeans, and for some reason I'm not afraid of the fact that I'm openly checking him out. I look at the boys realizing that even though it seems like an eternity it's been a mere minute. 

"I hope it's okay I brought Noah with?"  Adrian offers me a small smile. I can't be mad. Damn those dimples. I smile and nod opening the door for them to come in. 

Noah grumbles something to Adrian but I don't hear it, both the boys brush past me, Adrian takes a moment to squeeze my hand before walking in. I close the door softly, and gesture for the boys to follow me into the kitchen. I open the fridge and move out of the way gesturing for them to pick something. Noah immediately grabs a beer. One of the may that's in there. 

"You sure have a lot of booze." He mutters softly under his breath. But he knows the reason. He knows my dad's a drunk. I stupidly told him. Adrian slides a glance at him. 

"Dude do you really think drinking is something you should be doing? You've already had several." Adrian is worried, it's obvious. Noah laughs but there's no humor in it. 

"Look at Adrian, always the moral one. Maybe that's why Willow likes him so much instead of me. Maybe that's why he gets all the good ones and I'm stuck with beautiful airheads!" He laughs again, a sad sound. "Do you like him Willow? Is that why you left off with him and did things behind closed doors! Is that why he held your hand?? Is that why!? Because he's a better man than I am?" He puts the beer down and stares at me. I shake my head vigorously. And poke his chest. You did this. You went off with Brittany, this wasn't my doing.  

"What? This is my fault?" He yells angrily. Adrian steps forward. 

"It is Noah, if you had any conscious you would see you're the one who went after Brittany, wanna know exactly what I did with Willow? I talked to her! Became her friend! And from what she told me about you? YOU LEFT HER. Grow a pair of-" He's cut off by the slam of Noah's fist, hitting directly against his cheek. And that's all it takes. Before their rolling on the floor. Before their fists are slamming into each others bodies. 

I slam my fist on the counter, I push Noah's body to the side, off of Adrian and glare at them both. Noah stands up and I can tell he's sobered up. He takes my hand. 

"Willow please I'm sorry. I'm sorry." His voice is wobbly. His eyes are sincere. So I nod and turn to Adrian. 

"I'm sorry Willow, we got carried away." He moves the bangs away from my eyes and my heart is stuck, pounding in my chest staring at the two boys I trusted. The only friends I've ever had in my life. I don't want to be caught up in a love triangle. So I shut it out. I shut out the feelings I'm feeling for them burying it beneath the cracks as best as I can. Friends are what I need and want. Love is not. I feel the flood of relief wash through my body and offer them a small smile like it's fine. I grab three cans of coke and walk down into the basement. 

Letting every hurt feeling I own roll off my shoulders making me feel better than I have since the summer after sixth grade. Where day blurred into night.