folklore

Augustine

I was invited to her party. I felt absolutely horrible, for me, for her, for him. Something about Betty told me that she didn't forgive me, and I was absolute terrified.

The thing about Betty was that I always admired her. She was always so popular, everybody wanted to be around Betty. I wanted to be popular like her, she was so cool to me. No one really saw me like they saw Betty.

Except for James.

James saw me. The first person who ever saw me.

The way that James made me feel was indescribable. Little things like when I would show up at his house, I would trace the rust on his door knob before knocking.

I knew he was shy, but sometimes it was a little hurtful that I felt like a secret to him. I would try to ignore the nagging feeling I would get by tracing my name on his bare back. Whether it was at the beach and he took a nap in the sun or I was in his room.

I would ride my bike with him when he would ride his skateboard. I remember him getting nervous whenever we past this certain neighborhood, but now I guess it was Betty's house we passed.

After I found out that he went from Betty to me so quickly, made me think about our time together. Was I just a replacement to him? Some hole to fill? I wish I hadn't picked him up that night. People say if you wait long enough, you'll find the one. But I was tired of waiting for someone notice me.

So I would go to Betty's party, but avoid her. Be invisible, like I usually was. I would let her see me a few times, avoid her friends, and leave early.

Everyone there would be seniors, but I'm terrified for what would happen. Would she talk about James? Would people gossip about all of us?

School was stressful enough, with people whispering, asking each other "Is that the junior James was hanging out with?"

It was weird, out of the three of us, Betty was the only one that the most people knew. James and I were more reserved people, yet everyone was talking about us.

With our time together, James told me he liked to live in the now. So I was scared out of asking him if he and I would be together once school started up again.

I was so naïve.

I picked a big t-shirt and some jeans to wear to Betty's party and tried to calm my nerves.