Graveyard Shift

CHAPTER TWELVE

CHAPTER TWELVE

I woke up particularly early the next morning and got to see the sun beginning to rise. It was actually cold, but I didn't mind it. While watching the sun, I suddenly heard a tent zipper. It was a surprise to see Anna again. I raised my eyebrows. She saw me and rolled her eyes with a smile and sigh. "You need to stop copying me." She said while walking over.
I smiled, "I was out here first, actually, so-"
"No," she stopped me, "no."
We both laughed and then stood silently. "Does Daren like Kris?" Anna asked. I blinked and felt my heart pound. He hadn't told me yes or no. I remembered what I had asked him, but he just never answered. He fell asleep.
"I don't know," I answered. I didn't realize the words escaped until Anna sighed. "What's wrong?"
We now looked at each other. She shook her head and kinda smiled. "Nah, it's nothing."
I didn't want to pry, but she was up really early in the morning and she seemed upset and I kinda of cared that she felt like that. She was my friend, sort of, after all, right? I mean, I don't know if she would consider us friends, but I don't think she would've came on the trip if she didn't feel that way. "I won't tell anyone." She looked at me with raised eyebrows and I shrugged. "Not even Eleanor, I promise." Anna then took a breath in and looked back at the water and the sun again. I figured that she didn't want to talk about it and didn't further question it any longer. Then, it surprised me as she actually started to tell me what was going on.
"I don't want to go back home." Anna suddenly said. She pursed her lips. I didn't know what to say to that. I knew how to react with Eleanor. Anna was different and I was trying to see what Daren had told me in the car when everything was how it had been at school. When Kris worried about her hijab, and Daren didn't think about love, and Anna was only sarcastic, and Eleanor quickly rebuttaled, and I only thought about living. When this trip didn't start to make us all think. "And I'm really freaking out about being a senior. I can't-" she breathed in, "I can't imagine leaving high school. I can't imagine being an adult. I can't imagine being this person who has to just leave her friends and expect disappointment from not getting accepted into schools and go on to decide what I have to do." She shook her head. "I'm still just a kid and the world expects me to know everything already." She took another breath in before letting it out shakily. "And that scares me."
I swallowed and sniffed. "You know, I always thought I new what I was talking about whenever I said anything, you know? Then I met Eleanor and she made me look at things differently than I had before, and I got a new perspective when I talked. I started to think about living in the moment instead of for the moment. I didn't want to make my life about living for people, unless it was for me. It wasn't that thing where I didn't want to get hurt, it was just that I wanted to not worry about living just because something else gives me a purpose. I wanted to be my own purpose." She looked at me now, but I still looked at the water. "But I've just been thinking a lot lately and it's only been a few days since summer has even started now, yet I have everything mixed up now." I licked my lips and breathed out. "And I'm starting to think that maybe we just have everything wrong. Maybe it's not about living in or for the moment. Maybe it's not about living with or for a purpose." I suddenly said. "Maybe it's not about figuring everything out now." I sniffed again. Then I looked at her and she was completely silent. "Maybe it's just about seeing what your life already is, and how each day makes it what it is each day."
She pondered it momentarily before saying, "Maybe."
***
Eleanor and I sat by the water around breakfast and both of us were quiet. For the first time ever, I felt awkward. I suppose that was why she never cried in front of anyone; me, specifically. People treat other people differently when that happens. It didn't mean I loved her any less, though. In fact, it made her all the more amazing to me. And I looked at her, examining her fully.
God, she was beautiful.
"William, I'm sorry." She suddenly said quietly. I flinched, her voice startling me. I looked into her eyes. "I'm sorry for having...done that the other night."
I furrowed my brows, "For...for doing what?"
She looked at me as if it were obvious. Then finally said, "For breaking like that. I didn't mean to put that on you like that."
"Eleanor Trip," I said slowly, then realizing what she meant, "you're apologizing for crying to me?"
"Taylor Martin, I'm serious." She said. I pursed my lips.
"So am I." I said. "Don't ever say sorry for that again. I don't ever want to hear you say that again." She swallowed. "You did nothing wrong." We both were silent. She stared intently into my eyes and something changed. Suddenly, she got up and left.
Just like that.
"Eleanor-" She started to run. And before I knew it, she was gone.
***
I started to hike up this hill to find Eleanor after a few minutes of thinking it through. It had been three days since this trip to nowhere started. And it was our last day. She was the one who wanted it to happen, and she was the one who was the most miserable. As I walked, I came across a sign that read:
Warning
Deep Holes
Uneven Bottom
I then paused as I heard something. I listened closely as I heard her crying. Why was she crying again? What had I said? "That isn't fair!" She protested. I furrowed my brows and stepped a little closer in order to see if I could actually see her talking. I could, behind a tree and a few bushes. Eleanor had her phone and was talking through it. "But Mom-" she paused again as the other talked through their line. "You're cutting out again." She simply said above a whisper. "Whatever," she said. "I can't hear you, the connection's bad again." Eleanor hung up and then set her phone next to her on the ground.
Now, I would've went up to her and immediately asked her what had happened if one) it didn't seem like I eavesdropped, two) I didn't know Eleanor as well as I did, three) if I didn't love her.
So, I left her alone and I stated at the stupid warning sign and wondered if it really was just a coincidence that this was just before the girl I used to find invincible and unstoppable, but who now sobbed by herself.
And, suddenly, I felt something crack inside of me. And it was like a glass breaking just a little bit by getting too warm after being in the fridge. It was a small crack and if anymore pressure was pushed upon it, the whole thing would shatter. And it wasn't because my whole world was shattering, it was because the piece of me that believed was breaking.
The piece of me that Eleanor Demetria Trip had created inside of my body and skin and organs and bones and blood was starting to dissolve into something I was unaware of just days ago: pretense. And I wondered if that's what everything was for everyone. Maybe that was why everyone wore some sort of mask; maybe that was what Daren had been saying all along. Maybe we would all be happier if we just acted like normal teenagers that people make up in movies and stories and in our heads - just like everyone else. But we couldn't act like everyone else because that just wasn't who we were. We wanted to be different. We all wanted our own story to tell and believe. We wanted this fictional world full of fictional people, but since it's what all of us wanted, we never succeeded in getting it. We were all wearing masks. And my mask was cracking; it was the glass cracking. What did I really believe anymore?
Because Eleanor was not this amazing human being that was the one individual that could touch the stars, no - she was just a girl who was afraid of others' thoughts.
***
Malik was sitting by the water, sitting next to Kris, and I tilted my head when I saw a guitar in his arms. "Oh, that's just great," Daren's voice sounded from beside me.
"Real great," Anna's voice came too. Was there a whole party behind me?
"See, Anna agrees that Malik needs to not be with Khizra."
"You do?" I asked. She shook her head and looked at them.
"Why would you believe him? He is just jealous of him getting to spend time with Kris." Anna seemed less enthusiastic than usual. I would've asked, but I didn't want to betray her trust like that. She confided in me earlier, and that was in front of only me. I knew Daren was my best friend, but I didn't want her to feel uncomfortable. Then she left and walked off toward Julia.
"What do you have against-"
"Anna likes him and she told me not to tell anyone, but she wanted to let me know because she doesn't think I like her-like her anymore and I dunno why she would think that, but maybe it's true; maybe it's not. All I know is that you cannot tell anyone and Malik is so oblivious and is making Kris oblivious to everybody's feelings."
"Everybody's feelings?"
"Yes," he stopped, "I mean, well, Anna's feelings...."
I furrowed my brows and then raised them before saying, "Eleanor was crying earlier today. I don't know why, but she was on the phone."
"On the phone? There's reception here?" He took his phone out and then put it back after realizing it was dead. "And electricity to charge?"
I shrugged, "I guess so." I was looking at the water, past Malik and Kris, wondering what we had stumbled upon the beginning of this summer. Why was this all happening now?
"Will," Daren suddenly said, "how do people fall in love with other people?"
He was looking at the water as well. He stared intently. I looked at him and he looked confused. I had never seen Daren look like he actually was lost; not once. "I dunno," I suddenly replied. And I realized it was the truth. "It just sorta happens and then you don't realize it until afterward; until you can't get out of it."
He breathed out, "Christ."
I looked at him continuously and he finally shut his eyes tightly. "You don't like Anna anymore." I said. He didn't reply. I looked over at Malik and Kris. "Oh my God, it's true."
"It's some shitty, cliché teenage drama, huh?" He tried to lighten the mood and opened his glossy eyes.
***
That afternoon, I was sitting with Eleanor and, for once, we were separate from one another. She was like a strange, new person I had never come across before. And something in me wanted to go closer and take hold of her hand; and it wasn't my love for her. She stared at the bright sky as she let her marshmallow cool down from being in the fire pyramid we set early today, considering we weren't staying another night. I bumped my shoulder into hers and she looked at me as if just noticing I was there. It hurt, honestly. She looked terribly sad as she smiled at me. I never noticed how many fake smiles I had ever received from this wondrous girl. And what I said was, "Hello, Eleanor Demetria Trip." That was when she actually stopped smiling and gave a genuine smile. Her lips curved up in the slightest at me and she suddenly wrapped her arms around me. I wrapped my arms around her as well.
"Hello, William Taylor Martin," she whispered into my ear.