Graveyard Shift

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

It all happened really, really quickly, honestly. We were getting ready to leave, making sure that we didn't leave anything behind (not that any of us really brought anything), and then we heard the sirens. And it wasn't like any of us paid any attention to the noise because it didn't make sense to do so - that was, until, police pulled up to where we were camping.
I never saw someone run so fast before. And it was so unexpected, yet completely expected. And she kept running even after the policemen told her to stop and after we told her to stop and then I realized I was running after her. And I realized I couldn't stop running after the police told me to stop or when they told me to stop either. Eleanor was running. And I was running. And it was like a race, like one of us needed to win, but I wasn't sure where the finish line was.
I was thinking of me racing Eleanor to the gas station, right before we had met Nick and his friends, and how she smiled at me before we had even started to run; how she knew exactly what I was thinking; how I knew exactly what she was thinking; and how this time I had no clue as to what she was thinking and needed to find out. "Eleanor!" I called out when I couldn't see her any longer. "Eleanor!!!" I called again. I looked around as I ran and finally slowed myself to a halt. My head swung from side to side until I could've gotten whiplash and I felt myself lean against my knees as I began to catch my breath.
My ears perked up when I heard footsteps behind me. Somehow I expected it to be Eleanor coming back, though she went in the other direction. I swallowed when a hand came to my back and I stood straight before turning to see soft, brown eyes, filled with suspicion, staring straight at me. "Are you William Martin?" The officer asked. And I guess I nodded because he then nodded to himself before saying, "And the young girl running, she was Eleanor Trip?" It didn't really cross my mind as to how he knew our names or why he was asking these questions. I just knew that I needed to keep running and find Eleanor before she disappeared - disappeared forever - without a trace of her ever having existed in life as the most amazing human being in my universe. "Now, why were you two running off like that after seeing us pull up?"
And, as stupid as it may sound, I could only think of one answer to tell him that was as honest as I could possibly be at the time, "I have no friggin' idea."
He looked at me as if I were a little bit out of my mind and I looked at him as if he clearly did not understand the dilemma here and he needed to get moving before complete chaos occurred. "You don't know why you were both running?"
"No, I honestly don't. And, you know, this is going to sound really crazy and maybe you'll think I'm stupid, but I need to keep going otherwise Eleanor is going to keep running and I don't even know where she is heading, but if I don't keep going after her, she's gonna keep going and never gonna stop. And I can't stop going after her because if she keeps running and I stop, then it's like I didn't even try - and I'm never gonna not try because even though I thought I live for me, I don't, and maybe that's stupid, but I just don't care if it is anymore. Because I'm William Taylor Martin, she's Eleanor Demetria Trip, and she wanted to go on a road trip to nowhere." And as I turned, he grabbed my arm. I turned to look at him.
"Well, the thing is, your parents, along with hers and your other friends, sent out a search party for you kids. It seems nobody told them that you all were," he looked in the direction I was headed, "heading nowhere."
I nodded, "Well, they should know now." I pulled away from him and began to sprint away before he could even think to say anything. And I kept running as the sun beat down and started to sink downward.
"God, where the Hell are you, Eleanor?" I asked no one. The sky was now pink and I had been searched for a couple of hours by now. And I had no clue where the Hell I was anymore. I had been walking away from the camp site and just going straight ahead and I wasn't running anymore because I was tired and I couldn't find her and I realized, after a while, I started to cry to myself about everything.
Why couldn't I be enough for her to not run? She couldn't keep running forever and I wasn't going to let her, but she already had. And where had she gone this time? She was running and she wasn't even thinking about how I could live without her, or anyone else for that matter. Why wasn't I enough?
"That isn't fair, Eleanor!" I suddenly yelled. "You can't do this! You can't just keep running away and leave me and all of your friends alone! You can't just run away! There is no such thing as nowhere, and if you keep trying to find it, you'll just end up alone and disappointed." I wiped my dusty, tear stained face. "God, you can't do this!!! You can't do this! It isn't fair! Because I'm scared too! I'm scared just like Anna is scared to graduate, just like Daren is scared to admit how he feels about Kris, just like Kris is scared to take the risk of this trip, just like you are scared to let anyone in." I shook my head as I walked and yelled at the whole world.
And then I realized where I was. I saw exactly where our tires had landed and where the blowout was. I stared at the vacant spot and stared at it for a while before it dawned on me that someone sat there. And I blinked before I started to go at a full Bruce Jenner speed of a sprint. The thing was, I couldn't stop quite right and ended up falling. And I stumbled, arms out to stop it from happening and failing under the sudden pressure, allowing my face to crash into the dirt. And I stayed there momentarily as the pain immediately bitch slapped my whole body. "Uhhh," I groaned, "ow." That was when I felt her hand on my shoulder blade. I felt myself tingle under her electricity and then looked at her slowly.
"I'm not sure whether to laugh or coddle you," she only said. And it was that voice I just got to know in these few days; the broken one that tried to hide. Her mask was lessening the strings hold around her head.
"I would I prefer the second, but I'd you did that, you wouldn't be the same Eleanor I ran all the way over here for, now would you? Eleanor Demetria Trip doesn't coddle."
She looked at me with a shake of her head and I looked at her blue eyes; watery, but so tired and cried out. "And William Taylor Martin does not run after people that feel sorry for themselves or pretend to be something they aren't." She swallowed. "Why are you here, Will?"
"Why did you run?" She stayed silent at that question. "Nope, that's not how it works. You can't expect answers when you never give any of your own," I shook my head.
"I'm sorry I always have done that to you."
I smiled at her. "We all do it at one point or another."
Then she covered her face, and I knew she was crying and she knew she was crying. For once, we both knew what was happening again, but, at the same time, this was so different than when we knew what had happened before. "But you don't deserve it. All you've ever done is answer anything I ever wanted you to. All you've ever done is be there for me. You're just there for me all the time. I feel like I try to make you my slave or something and that's horrible, William."
I began to laugh. "Eleanor, I am not some slave for you." I suddenly said, angry at how she could say that.
"Exactly. You aren't. So, why do I act like you are?"
"I am not your slave, Eleanor. I've never acted like that either. For you to feel as if you've acted like that means you think I've acted like that, but I never have. I mean, the thing is," I took a breath, "remember when you told me people always live for something?" She slid her fingers down from her yes, her wet lashes peaking above as she stared up at me and nodded silently. It were as if she was allowing a glimpse of vulnerability before she closed her eyes again. "I didn't want to be that kind of person, so I wasn't going to be. And I tricked myself into really believing that, maybe, I just really wasn't like the other people." I licked my lips and shook my head. "But I am." I shrugged and she looked at me again. "We are always going to be cliché teenagers that want to be different to the whole universe, but never will be, and we'll never accept that, but, by God, doesn't that just make us all the more cliché?" She was silent. "God dammit, Eleanor, I did all this because I wanted to live because I'm me, but I don't live because I'm me, I live for living and living for living is living for you." Her hands slowly uncovered her nose as well now, where she only hid her mouth and cheeks from me.
"For - me?" She said, baffled and quiet. I was quiet as well. "William, how did you fall in love with me?" My lips parted and I looked at her as she uncovered her whole face now.
I shrugged and pursed my lips before saying, "Eleanor, if I could tell you how or why, I would. I really would." She looked at me and swallowed. "But all I can say is that I do. Maybe it's stupid since I'm only seventeen, and I know you don't feel the same way at all because I'm only this gawky, awkward dude that you've known for a few years now and we live right across the street from one another and it's so God damned cliché that you could've seen it in a movie, but I love you."
She stared at me with wide eyes of confusion. "Will," she started quietly. We were silent for a few moments. "Why the Hell do you think you saw me staring at you the first day we met?" I just stared in confusion now. She breathed out and shook her head with a small smile, "I had a huge crush on you; or, at least, I thought you were super attractive." I blinked. "Then we got to know each other and I tried to impress you and it turned into us being friends and now we're about to be seniors and I can't say I love you the way you love me, but I am so happy to have you in my life and I can't have you not be in my life. You're my best friend, Will." We stared at each other momentarily.
And there it was. And it hurt. And I knew it would hurt, but it didn't make it hurt any less to know that. Then something unexpected happened. And her lips were on mine. And I felt her breath against me. And I felt her eyelashes brush against my cheek bones as she closed them. And it took a while to realize that Eleanor was kissing me, and then I gently moved my lips. And then she gently moved her lips. And then I felt my eyes close and we were kissing each other slowly. And I savored it because I knew it would never happen again and I needed to keep it with me forever. And then it was over.
I didn't open my eyes for a second, and when I finally did, she was looking at me with a worried look. She was worried I wouldn't understand, but I did. It was an apology. "Thank you," I said quietly.
"I'm sorry," she apologized aloud now.
I shook my head, "Why?" I said.
"I wish I felt the same way that you feel about me. I wish I knew what that felt like. And I wish I could give you what you deserve." She said.
"Eleanor, I don't want you to think that I want you to be with me and nobody else and I'm just this depressed kid who sits on my bed and stare at photos of you longingly to sad music." She laughed lightly at that. I put my arm around her shoulders. "As long as you're here, I'm going to be here for you."
She looked at me. "But why?"
"Because you're my best friend."