Same Time Next Year

Chapter 12 - Year 3

Elle

It was a stupid fight.  It never would have gone that far if it hadn't been so long since we'd seen each other in person. It didn't help that we were also both so stressed with school. Regardless, it all could easily been cleared up the next time we talked. But that was the thing about a long-distance relationship. It was so easy to not talk. Giving someone the silent treatment was easy when you never saw each other. Instead, it was just a matter of avoiding calls and texts and not reaching out to make your own. The silent treatment was basically the kiss of death with a long-distance relationship. By the time we finally talked weeks later, we'd both had enough time to think about all the issues that had been building up over the last year that we had been ignoring. Looking back, I can see why Noah was upset, although at the time I thought he was just being a jerk. But that didn't excuse what he said and it still didn't make me ready to forgive him.

I was an idiot to think that by not defining our relationship, by not saying we were together, it would hurt any less when we ruined it. The whole point of refusing to say we were back together was to try to protect myself from this. It didn't matter what words we used or who we kept it a secret from.  My heart was still broken when it was over between us because Noah always had my heart. Somehow I thought if I didn't say Noah was my boyfriend, if I didn't tell him I loved him, I wouldn't fall to pieces when it all went to shit, which I absolutely knew it would.

Noah and I are so good when we're together. We are not so good apart. Somehow everything that doesn't work between us, our horrible communication with each other and our insecurities, bubbles up to the surface and overshadows everything that's good. I knew I should have left that stolen weekend 2 years ago and chalked it up to a mistake. But instead I looked into those eyes of his and fell for him all over again. I gave him my broken heart to hold in his hands yet again only to watch him mend it before breaking it again.

And really how was I supposed to walk away from Noah Flynn. It's not like he was just some guy I dated and would never have to see again. He was part of my life, part of my family. The only thing that scared me more than losing my heart to him was watching him give his to someone else. I guess that's why I did it, why I agreed that we needed to keep some tie to each other. Why I came up with the stupid idea of meeting again at the beach house each year. As much as I didn't want my heart broken again I couldn't imagine what it would be like to have to see Noah move on with someone else. To watch him across the room at Christmas or sit across the table at Thanksgiving while he had his arm around someone else, watching him give them that smile that was always mine alone. Watching him love someone else the way he loved me. So instead, I held onto the little piece of us I would let myself keep and I made plans to see him the next summer.  When he started texting and then calling, I told myself that I was still keeping him at a distance even when I knew I had already fallen for him again. Now I'm left to face the consequences.

—-—

Leaving the beach house after our second year, we left things much like they had been the year before.  Noah and I had kept up our non-relationship relationship through almost all of the school year.  We were already talking regularly, so even though we didn't define our relationship or discuss it, I know we both felt like we were in one.  I was fine with that and as much as I know I had talked him into this whole thing, I thought Noah was okay with how things were between us also.  I didn't need to have titles to know how we felt about each other.  We were both so busy, the distance between us didn't seem like that big of a deal.  At least not at first.

In my second year of college, I was done with a lot of my general education classes and was now fully immersed in classes for my major.  This meant a lot more large projects and a lot more time trying to come up with my own gaming ideas.  I loved what I was doing, so all the hours I was putting in didn't bother me, but I was still working really hard.  I wanted my ideas and my design capabilities to stand out to my professors.  I knew I would need my professors' recommendations to find good internships which would hopefully someday lead to the job of my dreams.