There's a reason they call it toxic.
Not insidious or dangerous. Not unhappy or unhealthy. Even though toxic can include all of those things simultaneously, more often than not the first word that goes to everyone's minds when a relationship is a little too not-right is toxic. Because anyone who's tasted anything like it knows that the most dangerous part of a toxic relationship is the fact that the instability is contagious.
Pretty soon, the words that you dreaded are the words that you find yourself speaking. All of those deceitful little games they play have tucked themselves into your mannerisms. Now you communicate in passive aggression because communicating your words outright will eventually lead to that anyway. Or at least, that's what your psyche remembers. Your replies hold knives in the inflections, just so the person you're speaking with knows that you're armed.
That you're willing.
You cross your arms in conversation because no, you're not open-minded. Not anymore. Not when open-minded turns to naive turns to gullible turns to dangerous. You just can't take risks like that anymore.
It's like a subconscious attempt at retribution.
Late retribution, maybe. But something has always been better than nothing.
And then you hear it. Your same armed inflection in the voice of someone else. Defensive passive aggression instead of healthy communication. The crossed arms and furrowed brows. The infection is spreading. The untrusting has become the untrustworthy. You're the one who's so toxic now.
YOU ARE READING
The Tea: Spilt and Bitter
شِعرThe Tea ~ A Collection of Rants & Poems As long as I can remember, life has always seemed sort of poetic to me: Walking home down a street that looks empty, maybe sad, with a look on your face that shows your deepest thoughts of the day...
