Scars fade, don't they?

This can't be happening

The café was closed until they found someone who could step in for Simon, Louis was off work for two weeks. It was two slow weeks, he didn't do anything. Niall begged to hangout but Louis made up excuses to not hangout, he would love hanging out with Niall but he just can't do it. He can't explain why.

During those two weeks it was snowing every day, it was alot now. More than he has ever seen for so long, he blames climate change. That girl in sweden was right, it's really bad right now and no one is doing anything. Which stresses Louis alot, the thought of earth just dying someday? Well he will he dead before that but all the other people. He cares about them more than he cares about himself.

The sun peaks through Louis blinds, he can see its not snowing. It makes him sad, he wants it to snow. He stretches and reaches for his phone that is charging below his bed, its 07:45. The time he usually wakes up, he never sleeps in. Thats a fact. He can't remember the last time he slept in.
Louis checks the news and instagram, nothing new or interesting. This time another jewellery store was robbed, he laughs. How can the security be so bad.

He checks Grinder, for some reason he hopes Harry texted him. But at the same time he wishes he had blocked him.
There is one message from Harry, he can feel his dick twitch inside his sweat pants. His chest is turning red, so is his checks.

" Hey whats up? " Louis looks at the time he sent it, 23:20. Harry was probably up to get some nudes, the thought makes Louis soft again.

" God morning to you? " Louis answers, he regrets even answering him now. He wishes he could delete the whole conversation, why did he have to text back.

Louis sighs, puts down his phone and rubs his eyes. He's in anger, and regret. He has to admit he likes Harry, he's hot, sexy, his dick is probably huge. But he can't bare to be in a relationship with him, he can't have Harry to stare at his body. Or even be near his existent.
Suddenly his phone beeps, not even a minute and Harry is answering.

" I was awake late sorry. X " is that late for Harry? Is he fifteen years old?

" You call that late? "

" Everyone is different, maybe you never sleep "

Louis laughs at Harrys message, It's a boring conversation but he can't help but continue. They text for two hours, Louis rolls from side to side in his bed. Whenever his hips were hurting he had to switch side.
They talk about everything, the snow outside. Harrys hair, Louis hair, Harrys favourite food. Louis favourite colour.
Louis now knows Harrys favourite food is spaghetti, himself hates spaghetti. Harrys favourite colour is blue, baby blue to be exact. He pretty much knows everything about Harry, he loves it. He hates to admit it but he does.

Louis doesn't know how and why he suddenly likes Harry, and just over a couple days. He first thought he was creepy and weird, now he finds him sweet. Cute, it feels like he cares. But Louis knows he doesn't, he doesn't care. No one will ever care.

" Have to go to work now, see you " Harry suddenly texts.

" Where do you work? "

" At the library "

" Oh okay, see ya "

Why did he write see ya? He won't see him, or he will try not to. Louis bangs his head against the wall, his head is pounding. He deserves it.
~~~~

He and Harry text every morning before work, short conversation about their day at night. They do that for a couple of days, Louis don't know why he continues to text Harry. Deep down he actually like him, but he knows how dumb he will look the day Harry tells him that he never wanted anything.

Louis steps out of bed this cold morning, November 28. He tells himself, he can't believe it's December soon. Not because his birthday but also Christmas and new year, he do get surprised every year that he's still here. How thought? He thinks. He likes being alive and getting to experience all the fun things, but it's just that he feels like he doesn't deserve to have fun.
He goes to the bathroom and tries to get his body to work, but nothing happens. Nothing has happened for the past three days, that's what happens when you don't eat. You get constipated, Louis smiles. For some reason it's a conformation that he's actually hurting himself, but it also stressing him out.

" Fuck " Louis sighs, he need to buy laxatives.

Just going to the pharmacy is embarrassing, then people know you're fucked up. That you are on medication.
But the thought of him getting rid of his food quickly makes him glad, great he thinks. Now he doesn't need to worry about throwing up in the cafés bathroom, Niall once wanted to call the ambulance but Louis told him it was a bad muffin. Which it wasn't, he's sad he always have to blame the damn muffin. He hasn't done anything wrong.

Louis gets dressed and puts on his favourite beanie, its gray and covers his hair from all the snow outside. It's actually cold now, November is usually a fall month. He first saw it snowing in October but it didn't stay for long, it was just over a day he remembers.

The pharmacy is down the street, it isn't far. But feels like miles in Louis body. It even takes more energy to walk in the snow, he will have sore legs tomorrow for sure.
It doesn't really bother him that much but it makes his day even more painful, and he can't stretch. He loves stretching.

He door rings as he steps in side, a few people lays their eyes on Louis. Mostly men, old men.
Louis wishes he was here alone, people will see what he buys. But they will never know who it is for, could be to his mum. A nice son who is buying medicine for his mom, how lovely.
He picks the cheapest option, he doesn't need the fanciest one with the disgusting taste of orange. It only makes him gag, but this one isn't great either. Tastes like powder.

" Oh hello Louis " the cashier knows him, which is embarrassing.

Louis only smiles and hands him the cash and leaves, he doesn't need to talk to anyone now. He just wanna go home and be alone, the stress is taking over his body.
Being a hypochondriac sucks, every time something happens he freaks out. If he could he would be on his way to the hospital, but he just can't. Even if he's dying he wouldn't go, he hates it. The old white ladies who is usually very racist and homophobic scares him alot. He once worked at a retirement home during the summer and he is still scared, they freaked him out alot.

When he reaches his door his phone automatically connects to the wifi, a notification from Grinder. He sighs and opens the door, Lisa is welcoming him home for being gone for ten minutes.

" Hi baby, please move Louis needs to get inside " she is curious about what's outside, but Louis can't let her out.

The first thing he does is to fill a glas of water and pour the powder in, he hates this. After this he will spend some time in bed and then have to rush to the bathroom to not shit himself, he once did and it was the most disgusting thing he ever experienced. But that's what he has to pay.

He sits down in his sofa, mixes the powder slowly with a spoon. Tears are filling his blue eyes, Louis hates this. He wishes he was normal, like everyone else. Maybe then he would deserve Harry, but now he doesn't.
Thinking of Harry makes him remember that he probably got a text from him, he opens his phone and opens the app.

" I must say you look amazing in your pictures " he reads, he chokes on his glas of water. Nearly spits it out but he needs to get it down.

Louis stares at the message, he doesn't understand. How can anyone think he looks good? This must be a setup, Harry is lying and is probably laughing being the screen. Which makes Louis tears fall down from his checks, he will never believe anyone who tells him he looks good. Never.

The glas is empty and he lays down, now he needs to wait. The pain in his stomach from not drinking this much in days is already here, but he knows more pain is coming. But he loves it.