Scars fade, don't they?

Texting

Louis finds himself on the bathroom floor, shaking. He's crying, and bleeding.

Meeting Harry was horrible, but he still got those butterflies. He hated those. He doesn't wanna have a crush on Harry, because he knows Harry won't like him in that way. No one will. No one will love someone like Louis, fat and pathetic slut.

Last time he thought someone like them he got played, once they fucked him they left. Not even a note, or a message. To this day he still doesn't know what he did wrong, but he still blames himself for it. Everything that is happening to Louis is his own fault, always.

All sudden his phone bleeps, it's grinder. He forgot to delete that stupid app, every time he opens the app he sees Harrys pictures. But he keeps forgetting he didn't let his eyes leave the pictures, as he was playing with himself the other day. Nope that didn't happen.

" I see you're off Wednesdays " Harry texts, Louis frowns. But he can't help to love the thought that Harry has stalked him enough to know he's off Wednesdays, but still creepy.

" Stalker much? " Louis texts back, then he's realising what he just had done.

He stands up and throws the blade into the bin, his leg is bleeding. He presses a wet paper cloth against his skin, it hurts. He bits his lip. Till that bleeds instead. Behind him he hears his phone beeps again, he wonders how Harry took his message.

For once he actually take care of himself, he gives himself a bandage for his wounds. He just don't want to bleed through his pants.

" No I just notice patterns ;) " okay Harry is weird, he and Louis has only met twice and he already knows patterns?

" You're strangeee "

The conversation ends, Louis knows Harry thought he is weird. That he finally realised how weird Louis is, but Louis is relived. Then he can go back to work without caring about meeting Harry again, he admits it was actually ruining his job days.

But he enjoyed it.

~~~~~

As Louis walks down the street he meets Niall, they follow each other to work. Like they always do.
Niall is eating his breakfast on the way, that's something he always does. It irritates Louis alot but he can't do anything about it, what is he gonna do? Tell Niall to eat at home? Why? Yeah because Louis can't stand watching someone eat while he's is dying to have a bite, he can't tell Niall that.

" I think I have a stalker " Louis finally says, he's looking up at the sky while he says it.

" Up there? Man that's god " Niall laughs and takes a bite of his sandwich.

Louis looks at him with a frown, which turns into a small smile. He can never be mad at Niall, never.

" No look, there is this guy that keeps coming to work. He knows what days I'm off and it's just weird, he also liked my profile on Grinder " Louis is caught of with a loud laugh, he can't understand why Niall is laughing. This is serious stuff.

" I don't know why you're laughing at this " Louis slaps his thighs with his hands.

" Louis, it kinda sounds like he likes you. And I have noticed him, he looks at you too much. He did check you out the other day as you were working "

Louis can feel a wave of disgust going through his body, someone was looking at his body. His fat body.

" Did he? " Louis stutter, he is trembling. But also in some what shock over how he's actually reacting, how can he actually hate himself this much? Well he deserves all the hate.

" Yes stupid, you are good looking. Stop lying to yourself "

Niall is finishing his sandwich as they both arrive at work, and on time.
Louis is in the kitchen today, he hates it. He's only there when he wants to, but now he can hide from Harry. He doesn't have to face his annoying but handsome face, and his dumb but beautiful hair.

As Louis joins Simon in the kitchen he can't help but notice a new poster being put up in the cafés window, which faces the sidewalk.

" Peters Café is now looking for the right chef, are you the one? Contact us on- " Louis can't believe it, is Simon quitting? After all these years? Why?

He is happy thought, after what Simon said about teenagers he didn't even want to look in his eyes anymore. But Simon took care of both Niall and him as their were his kids, the late nights cleaning the whole kitchen together and ending up having the deepest conversations. Louis knows Simon is the only one who knows about how Louis is actually feeling, how lonely and depressed he is. Thats why Louis is so sad, he could trust Simon. Now he's scared that he will never have someone to talk to anymore.

" Why are you quitting? " Louis asks as he puts on his apron.

" Do I look twenty year old Louis? I'm old " Simon answers with a laugh. He throws the knife into the cutting board.

" I thought you where like, I don't know fifty? " Louis says and takes the knife out of the cutting board and takes over Simons tasks.

" Lou I'm old as you can be "

Simon notice how Louis smile fades, he steps closer to him and gently hugs him. He knows Louis doesn't really like hugs, but he is fine with Simon. He trust him.

" I don't want you to leave " Louis is now crying, he is so scared.

About loosing a close friend and also loosing someone to trust, he trusts Niall but he will only send him to rehab. And he never wants to go to rehab, never.
Well Niall knows about Louis being very lonely and depressed, but nothing more. He couldn't bare to tell  him everything, it's too much.

Simon strokes Louis back gently, with his large hands. He freezes, he hates when people are touching him.

" Boy are you eating enough? I'm sure I could feel all your ribs- " Simon pulls away and looks very concerning, Louis steps away and nods.

" weird question but yes I eat, I just have a fast metabolism. Nothing's wrong I swear " He lies, what else is he supposed to do? Tell him everything?

" Okay I trust you " Simon sounds concerning, he didn't buy Louis lie at all. But Louis is quiet.

The day goes by fast, in a sweaty kitchen if feels like you can pass out at any minute. But Louis doesn't, he's surprised. He thanks his body by eating one of the muffins, not the whole one though.
Half of the muffin was bad, he told Niall that so he doesn't have to get confused.

He can't stop thinking about Simon nearly exposing his body, his fat body. How could he even lie? Saying he could feel his ribs? It's all covered with fat. Louis is mad, he hates when people lie. Yet he does it everyday himself. But that's something else.

The walk home is quiet, Niall left early to go to a fotball game. It's now snowing, in the middle of November. He wishes the snow would stay till his birthday and Christmas, like it usually did when he was younger.
The snow is slowly falling down, he catches a flake with his tongue. It tastes salty.
He wants to stay outside and play, like a kid again. The memories going through his head, how he always used to scream about it snowing. How many hours he spent outside, building snowman's and just be outside. He misses it, alot. Being adult sucks he thinks, but also free in some way. He can be and do what ever he wants.

When Louis arrives at home he's shaking, he's freezing. He was stupid enough to forget to wear his winter coat, now he pays the price. The keys are extra hard to get to work, he's shaking too much.
Once he succeeds and steps inside he feels the lovely scent of lavender, his lavender candle is burning.

He panics to blow it out, how could he be so stupid to forget it?! Louis looks at it for a while and tries to calm himself down, he can feel his eyes watering. Of the thought of coming home to nothing, he would hate himself forever if Lisa died because of him. He would never forget himself.

" Why are you so stupid " he hits himself in the head, and tries to remember if he forgot the something more this morning.

He checks the apartment twice to be sure, it was only the candle that he forgot, how could he? Louis never forgets anything. Accept to bring in the mail every other day.