Pyrophobia

Arsonphobia -15-

Chapter Fifteen

I guess it wasn’t so bad, if you didn’t mind getting more than ten injections into your back with liquid that makes your back tingle and then burn. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, until the next day happened.

When I woke up in bed, my back was on fire. Not like legitimately of course, but this searing pain would shoot up my spine whenever I moved even just an inch. My mother practically got me high off pain killers. My eyes would be a little foggy, my body would feel ten times heavier and I would constantly space out.

Two days after my injections though, she withheld them from me, afraid I would become addicted. I couldn’t blame her though; those pain killers were very dangerous things. School was to start back up, and of course with me being completely stubborn, I rejected all offers for a ride to school, especially Bentleys.

Here is the dilemma I’m facing with him right now; why me? I ask myself that before I fall asleep almost every night. Why did he have to choose me? Out of all the people, normal people, and people without a hideous past, he had to choose me? He deserved so much better, he was a great guy; in all honesty I couldn’t picture there being someone better out there.

I could, however, picture a better girl out there for him. I was too haunted by my memoires, they were what drove me into depression, drove me away from people, and made me hide in a corner almost all my life. I didn’t need someone knew to try and get me out of my shell; I placed myself there for a reason, right?

Maybe it’s not the right thing to do right now, but I certainly will try my best to stay away. Not just stay away from Bentley, but Toni, Trevor, Courtney and Brad as well. It was for the better, I knew that deep down. They were better off without me.

That’s why when I woke up the next morning, put on a sweatshirt, and took my medicine, I was ready to make an exit; an exit out of my house and an exit out of my friendships. I would feel bad, I knew they had always been there for me when I really needed someone, but the truth is that I didn’t really need anyone at all.

The ground was clear of any snow or slush, the sky was partly cloudy, and you could smell the cold pavement as I walked across it towards the school entrance. Physical therapy yesterday sure did make a difference on my back; it wasn’t hurting nearly as bad as it had been yesterday.

There were a couple things to be thankful for. For starters, I made it out alive of the fire, and although my brother didn’t, it was something to look back on. Secondly, I still had my parents, and no matter how protective and overbearing they are of me, we still get along greatly. Lastly, I was at school, after such a short time from getting my injections and having a fairly quick recovery.

Although, when I heard the bell ring off in the short distance I had let to get to school, I instantly knew I was late. Great, I thought to myself, already annoyed before I even had the chance to walk into school. I knew my first period teacher wouldn’t let me off the hook, I slowed my pace down and debated whether or not to just turn around and walk away, but something in my mind told me I needed to go to school today, so I lifted my chin up, slowly walked inside, and got a tardy note.

I managed to leave almost all my classes early enough to avoid any confrontation from any of friends. I knew they were trying to find me, trying to talk to me and ask what was wrong with me lately. If they had the chance to ask that, I know what my exact response would be, “The same thing that has always been wrong with me.” And then I would walk away, without looking back.

I understand, I’m being unfair, unreasonable. I’m pushing away people who genuinely care for me. It’s just something I feel like I need to do. I think I’m beginning to try and justify myself; this the right thing to do, right?