He Who Stole Her Heart (Amiche Series 7)

Kabanata 4

Kabanata 4

Lumabas na lang ako at nakipagtsismisan sa mga bagong kasama sa baba, pagbalik ko, nag-uusap pa rin sila?

I gave them space and time earlier so they could catch up in private. For three hours! Hanggang ngayon hindi pa sila tapos? I mean... kulang ba sa oras?

Umirap ako at dumiretso sa mesa ko.

"She's not liking this," pormal ang boses ni Tasha na sinabi iyon.

I don't want to eavesdrop. Una sa lahat, hindi ko ugali ang makinig sa usapan ng iba. Unless it interests me or it would benefit me for some reason. Pero kung ganito naman, salamat na lang. Hindi ako interesado.

"Please reconsider, Arkiel. You are not like this."

Napairap ulit ako.

You are not like this? Bakit? Ano ba si Arkiel?

Teka nga... kilalang kilala niya ba?

I shrugged in my mind. Stop it, Zaureen! Stop it.

Sa pangatlong irap ko, nagdesisyon akong abalahin na ang sarili sa kahit anong pwede kong pagbalingan ng atensyon. Pinatulan ko na kahit pa nakakatanga ang mag-scribble ng kahit ano sa papel.

Matagal tagal na rin, Zaureen. When will you want to go back?

Tatanggapin pa kaya ako ng Mama ko? I will understand and be confident if I went back the first few days of leaving the house. But this long? I don't know how would she react if I ever get my ass back to her home.

Hindi ko nga alam kung dapat bang umuwi pa ako. Naisip ko na... baka mas gusto niyang wala ako. Maybe she really did it on purpose. It was intentional. Perhaps she had been waiting for that outburst to finally shoo me from her home.

I wouldn't be surprised, though. Sa dami kong kasalanang nagawa kay Mama... sa lahat ng pamamahiya ko sa angkan... sa lahat lahat... siguro nga dapat lang sa akin na ganito.

But despite of my realizations, I still wonder if... I am not being compared to Mayrie... and if my mother loves me patiently and unconditionally... would this be happened?

Lumipat na ang ilang ink sa gilid ng kamay ko nang napasobra iyon sa papel sa pabalik balik kong guhit. Naipon at nang nadampian ng kamay ko, lumipat na do'n.

I want to know that if my mother is like of those parents who would do anything for their child, where would I be? Iyong klase ng magulang na gagawin ang lahat maprotektahan lang ang anak mula sa panghuhusga ng mga tao.

A parent who doesn't give up her child easily. Or maybe because my mother is proud of other child and not me of her own? That it won't be a waste if she roots for Mayrie and just forget about me?

Siguro... baka...

I am not wronging my mother for reacting this way. Inaamin ko naman na kasalanan ko. May kasalanan ako. Kung nakinig lang siguro ako at sumunod sa kanya... this won't happen.

Pero kung ginawa ko 'yon, hindi naman ako masaya. Hindi malaya. The furthest thing that would happen to me is getting mad for losing control in all that I do. Losing my mind cuz I an trying so hard to be Mayrie's duplicate.

This is the reason why I don't regret being away from home. I don't have to be someone's rival. Not someone's competition. And that I don't have to prove myself just so they will like me. Sa puder ni Arkiel, malayang malaya ako sa kung ano man ang gusto kong gawin. It's freeing that I feel like knowing my identity. Giving myself a name that is not relevant to Mayrie.

"Let's leave it like that, Tasha," may diing sabi ni Arkiel.

Hindi ako lumingon. My ears listened a bit but my eyes remained at the screen of my phone.