Pallavi
No matter how much I tried to hide my mental trauma from my faimly and even Raghav. It's all coming back when I am alone.
The cold water droplets touching my bare skin felt nice and for a second they made my physical pain fade away but what about my mental health.
I thought I could handle it and hesitated to share it but everything that happened today was just echoing in my mind.
I remembered his touch and started to rub my skin where he touched.
My hands. My cheeks. Neck my waist.
Everything disgusted me.
I was mindlessly rubbing my skin, I didn't care the new rashes I gave to myself. I just wanted the feeling of his touch to go away.
"Ahhh" I screamed.
My skin became red because of my continuous rubbing.
I stopped and sat under the shower.
Closed my eyes if hope that the nightmare will be gone once I open them.
But it didn't.
"Pallu!! Pallu!! Tu thik toh hai na. Awaj aai abhi andar se" Aai kocked the bathroom door and asked while panicking.
"Aai main thik hu, bas wo thoda pairo me dard hai isliye. Bas thodi der me bhar aa rhi hu aap chinta mat kro."
"Tu aaja main bhar hi hu"
"Aai bhaut raat ho gaye hai aap soo jaoo. Main thik hu"
"Nhi Mai nhi jaungi jab tak tu so nhi jatti" she was stubborn.
I didn't wanted to bother her but also I didn't wanted to be alone tonight. I wanted her to be with me so I could sleep in her lap.
Her slow patting on my head and her saree's pallu's oozing fragrance worked as medicine for me. I needed it the now more than ever.
Closing the shower I searched for my clothes but I forgot to bring them. I just Covered myself with towel and came outside.
Aai was sitting on the bed waiting for me. She stood up when she heard me coming.
"Pallu to apne kapde bhool gaye thi bhar. Ye le phen le." She took my clothes and extended to me.
I grabbed my clothes but Aai wasn't letting it go.
I looked up to face her when I saw her eyes was fixed at my skin.
I looked at myself again and saw the red brushes I had all over my skin.
"Aai wo..ye.."
"Mujhe pata tha tu thik nhi hai, apne aap ko chot dene se kuch nhi hoga Pallu."
"Aai asa nhi hai, wo bas main.."
"Mujhe to kam se kam juth mat bol, janti hu tu is waqt kis dard se guzar rhi hai. Isliye bol rhi hu mujhse baat kr jo bhi hai mann me sab bol de agar mujhse baat nhi krni to Raghav se kr, Amruta se ya Mansi, ya phir kisi se bhi jise tera Mann kre pr ase apne me ghut ghut kr mat rhena. Warna tu khabi theek nhi ho payegi baccha. Tu samjh rhi hai na main kya bol rhi hu?"
She was right I need to express I was really feeling. Bottling up my emotions will just make me more vulnerable. And I didn't wanted to be like this.
"Aai kya aap aaj mere saath rhe sakti hai, mujhe akele nhi rhena" I asked.
"Ha kyo nhi, mai hu yha thumare pass." She kissed my forehead.
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