𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐍 𝐖𝐄 𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝟏𝟖, Jean Kirstein.

𝟔. guiding lights

Hey guys sorry for the late update, I've been sick recently so I've been in bed all week. I'm okay now!

please enjoy as usual

this chapter has some of my personal experiences in this so please be mindful in the comments <3

also sorry if there are typos oops

⚠️trigger warning:⚠️ This chapter contains details of abuse and mental illness.

3k words.

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Guiding Lights
"Sash, if this was some romance book or movie. We would be together, but it's not. It is far from it."
- 10 years ago -

You remember it like it was yesterday. The day your mother started showing her new shades of black and white. The day you knew this was your new future, your new way of life. Living in anger and sombre towards your mother. You used to view your mother as your only guiding light, she was your inspiration to become the best version of yourself you could be. She taught you to be a kind person, a person who put everyone else before them. Until it all changed, just like that. In an instant.

You remember it was late at night, you were asleep in your bed, and it had been 2 years now since your father had left. (went to get milk) Your mother drank her sorrows away every night, you went to sleep thinking you were going to have one night without her waking you.

You were wrong.

Your mother started slowly creeping up the stair, and the sound of the floorboards crept under her feet. You were a light sleeper, you never used to be, it wasn't until your mother's behaviour became destructive and unpredictable.

As she stumbled up the stairs, your eyes opened slowly and you sat up in your bed. Your stomach started to turn as you heard her approach your room. She opens the door and walks drunkenly towards you and she sat on your bed. She turned her face to you and let out a long sigh, "I'm so tired..."

You stared at her, wide-eyed, waiting for her to lash out at you. "I heard your father has a new woman."

Despite knowing that your dad never wanted to come back even for you and your sister. It broke your heart. Instead, you were stuck here with a mother so damaged, you had to bear the burden of her broken heart, as well as yours.

You stayed silent as she continued to speak, "This is all your fault why he left in the first place, if you had just not been such a nuisance all the time maybe he would still be here."

And for a moment you thought she wasn't going to belittle you for once.

She didn't stop there, she continued to scream and shout at you. She made you feel you were an ant and you were being stepped on until you were merely nothing.

She left you in your room, alone and heartbroken, sinking in your pool of horrible thoughts.

You didn't sleep that night, you just laid down in the longing of having your kind-hearted mother back.

The next day

You walked down the halls of the high school which became your home. Not many people would say that, but for you it was. You find your high school rather pleasant, sure, there were bullies but you were usually left alone. Sometimes, there were occasions you'd be the one attacked for no apparent reason but there was always one person there to save you.