𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐍 𝐖𝐄 𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝟏𝟖, Jean Kirstein.

𝟏𝟗. I love you, I promise

5.2k Words.

hey so i'm alive
-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

I love you, I promise
"Y/N, please listen. I love you."
~a few hours before~

Jean's pov.

Jean walked Marco into his apartment, guiding him gently to the couch. After helping Marco settle down, Jean grabbed a glass of water and sank down beside him with a heavy sigh, eyes fixed on the floor.

Marco took a sip, glancing over at Jean with a curious, concerned expression. "Hey," he said softly, setting the glass down. "What's wrong?"

Jean ran a hand through his hair, frustration creasing his face. "I don't know, man. I feel... deflated. Like, completely drained. And it's all because of this thing with Y/N and... and Pieck. It's a mess."

Marco tilted his head, nodding patiently. "Is it... about how you feel about Y/N?"

Jean's shoulders slumped. "Yeah. I really am in love with her. I know that. But it's like... I still feel something for Pieck. Not the same way, but it's there. And I feel guilty about it. Like maybe I'm betraying Y/N by even thinking about it."

Marco placed a hand on Jean's shoulder, grounding him. "Hey, it's okay to feel that way. You're human, Jean. You went through a lot with Pieck, and it's natural to feel conflicted."

Jean shook his head, staring at his hands. "But Y/N deserves better than this. She deserves someone who's completely sure, who's not dragging around this kind of baggage."

Marco leaned in, his voice gentle but firm. "Listen to me, Jean. Follow your heart. If your heart's telling you that you need time, that you need to really figure this out, then take that time. And if you need to tell Y/N you need a break, she'll understand. She cares about you, and she'll give you the space you need."

Jean looked up, his gaze heavy with doubt. "But what if she doesn't wait? What if I lose her while I'm figuring this out?"

"Then it'll hurt, but you'll know you did the right thing," Marco replied quietly. "Because rushing in when you're still tangled up inside isn't fair to you—or to her. If you're going to love Y/N, love her with your whole heart. Not a heart that's still healing."

Jean took a deep, shuddering breath. "I don't know if I can even tell her that. What if she sees it as me pushing her away?"

Marco's hand squeezed his shoulder reassuringly. "Then tell her the truth. Let her know that she means everything to you, but you just need time to get your head and heart in the right place. She'll understand, Jean. You've always been honest with her—she'll see that this is you trying to be the person she deserves."

Jean closed his eyes for a moment, letting Marco's words sink in, and he felt a sliver of relief in his chest. "Thanks, Marco. I think... I think I really needed to hear that."

Marco gave him a small, encouraging smile. "That's what I'm here for."

And unfortunately, it didn't go to plan.

——

The present.

[Hey, Alexa. Play "Wait" by M83]

As you waited in the cold, your heart hurting, your soul breaking and the tears finally falling from your eyes. You couldn't seem to find comfort in anything.

Not the pretty trees, the soft wind that echoed through your ears, the stars that seemed to shine brighter tonight or the fresh smell of the fields surrounding you.