play - jenkai

13

"Is it a coincidence that every time I happen to be with her, you always end up calling me and claiming you need my help?"

I immediately glanced up at the sound of Jisoo's voice. She was still in her work clothes and she wore a worried look. I, on the other hand, sat at the highest step up to her two story townhome. I'd been sitting here for almost an hour now, waiting for her to come home until I eventually called her only to find out she was hanging out with the subject of all my recent misery.

"I didn't know you were...busy." I frown. "Plus, you're the only person I can talk to."

"You still haven't told the guys?" She asks as she takes a seat next to me.

It was dark outside but the street lights running along the sidewalks lit up Jisoo's neighborhood. There were still a lot of people out and about, enjoying night strolls or just walking in certain directions to get where they needed to be. I watched every single person that passed me by as I sat at Jisoo's steps, wondering what was going on in each of their minds only to distract myself from what was going on in mine.

"I can't." I say as I shake my head.

As close as I am to the guys, I couldn't find it in me to confide in any of them. There were a few reasons why but the main one was that I didn't want them to tell me something I shouldn't hear right now. They'd push in the direction that I was afraid I never stopped wanting to follow.

For the last month, I felt as if my head was all over the place which was definitely a new feeling for me. For as long as I can remember, I've always been aware of who I was and what my responsibilities were. But these last few weeks, I'd find myself forgetting about work and staring into nothing thinking about the past.

"Has she said anything to you?"

I watch the small frown that falls on my sister's face. "I'll tell you the same thing I told her, I can't answer that Jongin."

"She asked about me?" I turn towards her fully and the second the question leaves my lips, I shake my head and try to rid every thought of her from my mind. With much frustration, I pushed my fingers and threw my damp hair to try and relax myself. "Sorry...sorry, I shouldn't have asked you that. I..don't want to know."

Jisoo doesn't say anything but I notice the look of sympathy that flashes in her eyes. I could tell she wanted to say something but she held her tongue.

Everything just felt so complicated and so confusing and I don't think I've ever felt so lost in my life.

Actually, that's not entirely true. The night she left me was the only other time I'd ever felt something close to this.

It had been so easy to resent her. To force myself to forget her and move on. And for years it worked. I hardly thought about her, granted I could never bring myself to ever get rid of anything she ever gave me but other than that I had successfully pushed Jennie to the furthest and deepest part of my mind and I tightly locked away anything I'd ever felt for her.

But the truth was now in my hands after I'd forced it out of her and now everything was falling apart or at least that's what it felt like

"Do you think I should tell Naeun?"

"Tell her what exactly?"

"About Jennie and I, our past that is." I slowly speak.

And with those words, sudden images of memories that kept rising to the surface this past month flashes through my mind.

"Do you think you need to?" Jisoo asks me.

"I think...I'm not being fair to her."

I don't miss the small smile that finds my sister's lips as she wraps an arm around my bicep and presses her cheek against my shoulder. "I think you have a good heart Jongin and the last thing you want to do is hurt her, so I also know you'll end up doing the right thing even if you don't know what the right thing is at the moment."