"a robots lonley journey"; T4-M1 side story (ninjago oc)

data log: 8

((A/n: truthfully,  part of me dosent even want to continue I hate finishing things NSMSMDMD ))
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' hello, my name is T4-M1-AA-100, or Tami, today I'm on a mission

Actually...

I don't know what I'm doing right now, I know I'm going to fail there was no doubt about it. You, person who's seeing these logs know it well too. I'm sure of it. '

This is the feeling of insecurity.

I've never done something alone

Suddenly feeling of regret started flooding in and the glitches of all these feelings started affecting my fighting that I'd randomly teleport, sometimes into enemies, sometimes I'd mess up my chicken friend's fighting or get shocked by her attacks

As I lifted up a foot to take another step foward, my feet started to drag and get heavy. Even when attacking the guards, I felt my movements become dull even if I was giving them a hard impact. I had thoughts running through my head

'What if I fail?'

'What if I die now?'

'What if my body gets destroyed again?'

'What if I mess up?'

'What if I never came here in the first place?'

'I should've come here with them'

' he would have helped'

And

'She would have helped me too'

I hated these thoughts, I hated thinking, I wish I was never alive and I wish I was never built I never asked to be here but I never asked to be destroyed either. I never asked for these friends and I never asked to get all these emotions so why am I receiving all of these things that are supposed to be gifts?

Why do I suddenly want to live?

I wonder why I even settled off on this mission to begin with...when did I ever think of them as people who I should live for? I wouldn't dare to think of wanting to live. It all started like this: the single thought of living made me be scared of. Then I escaped....

I escaped, yes I did escape

I remeber now even more, I escaped the two people who I considered fathers and dragged myself to the abandoned ship with the little old Tami who wanted to live and love and watched her die there.

But...how is it that she survived?
.
.
.
.
Zane...zane was the one who saved her, and held her ever so warmly to keep her alive in her almost last moments. Then he handed her to Kai who gave it to Jay to Cole to zukuo to dani to lloyd...to master wu who gave it to pixel, the last person I knew, who gave her back to me.

Only when I got her back...

A4 had grown into this beautiful feeling, and she continued to love and live, though her feelings were restricted because of me, we both lived in this body and contined on.

I want to live because they showed me how to mend a life back together

I want to live because good people exist!

I want to live because I have things too do

I want to live to make more friends

I want to live for the people who where once scared of me

I want to live--....

I want to live for myself

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