Hanji Zoe x Reader

With You In This Life, And The Next

Summary: Grief is a strong, sometimes overwhelming emotion for people, mostly associated to the loss of a loved one.

Warning: Parental Loss.

This is not the first time that you have cried yourself to sleep. In fact, this has become a recurrent thing since your father passed away. Not only that, but the visits from your guardian angel have become less frequent than they used to be and Hanji refuses to explain to you why this is happening.

So you just hold tightly onto your pillow in a desperate attempt to muffle your cries. Your whole body shakes from the violent sobs and you scream into the surface in your hands, a pained sound coming from a wounded soul.

Every morning when you wake up, you feel the physical result of your grief: eyes puffed up and tender to the touch, nose sore from the number of times you had to wipe away the running snot, knuckles finally relaxing after holding onto your pillow so tightly throughout the night.

It's an effort to get out of bed, but you do so because you know that's exactly what your father would have wanted. You drag your body to the side and push the covers towards the left, freeing yourself from its grip.

The cold wind coming from the air conditioner hits your exposed legs and you shiver. Though freezing, you still do not care enough to turn it off. You push down on the mattress, trying to find a good setting so you can prop your body up.

You lift your ass off of the bed for a few seconds before falling right back down, in that moment you realize that you simply can't do it. Your vision becomes blurry and you begin to hyperventilate, trembling hands finding their way to your face as you curse yourself.

Finally finding your grounding, you stand up. Though unstable, your legs support the weight of your body as you take a few steps toward the bathroom. It takes every bit of effort out of you and, by the time you get to the other room, you are exhausted.

Using the back of your wrist, you wipe away the raw tears that roll down your cheeks like waterfalls, though the more you brush them away, the more will come out. You have never felt so hopeless in your entire life.

Though his death has affected you in every possible way, you still force yourself to go to class. Your grades have dropped significantly as you can't seem to focus on something else for long enough before becoming a teary-eyed mess.

When you stand up, your body immediately collapses back onto the bed and your head hits the wall. It glides down gently until it reaches your pillow and you bring your knees close to your chest, deciding that you would skip the first class of the day.

You reach for the space on the other side of your bed and pick up a material that was once wrapped tightly onto a ball. You hold onto the shirt that belonged to your father tightly, squeezing out the last few specks of the scent of his skin that remain on the fabric.

"Why am I so useless?" You ask, hoping that your guardian angel would come through the window with some answers but, unbeknownst to you, they were busy dealing with another problem revolving around you.

"Please, I'm begging you." He screams, his fist pounding at the door with all his might. The tears in his eyes threatened to fall and everyone walking past could see that the man was clearly in distress.

"Sir, I have told you time and time again," The angel standing in front of the gate says, looking down at some sort of clipboard, "You are not allowed to go down to visit someone."

"But this is my daughter," Your father cries out loud, his banging on the door intensifies as the portal to Earth changes color. The security guard can see it in his eyes that he is going to make a run for it as soon as the area is cleared and they stand up, hoping to stop him.